Lifestyle Blogging

Gala Darling Wants To Clarify Her Book Non-Deal

Gala Darling, purveyor of pink tulle enemas and other fine goods, wants to clear up a few details about her “book”.

I had a meeting with the biggest publishing house on the planet who said, “We don’t get it.” I worked with an agent who eventually said, “It’s not a good time to sell this.” I kicked my own ass about it for years before realising that everything else in life I did on my own. This would simply be another one of those things.

Saying “I simply decided to self-publish” and claiming to have already “sold over 100,000 copies of Love & Sequins as an e-book”, she attempted to spin being declined by publishers as her choice, because self-love and vision.

The days of waiting for a publisher, an agent, a record label, or a talent scout to pluck you out of obscurity are over. No more waiting…Maybe that literary agent didn’t share my vision, and perhaps it wasn’t the right time to work with that publisher. But I have enough vision for both of them combined…

Ok, I understand self-publishing is the new literary frontier and there’s tons of legit writers doing it to avoid all the publishing industry bs. But let’s get real – her justifications are just the usual Gala arm flapping to distract you from the fact that publishers and agents want nothing to do with her  “radical navel gazing” crap.

She knew she’d be getting questions about who the publisher was and fawngirls wanting posts about the process, and she’s nipping that ish in the bud. Which is fine; it’s great that she’s not attempting to fool anyone into thinking she got a book deal. But she also isn’t self-publishing strictly because she’s so visionary and powerful. If you read between the lines you can tell she’s also self-publishing because to the publishing world, “Love & Sequins” isn’t worth the space it takes up on a hard drive and no legitimate literary agent wants to touch it with a 50 foot pole.

But I guess admitting that doesn’t sound as inspiring as a bunch of “believe in yourself” rainbow gun tripe. Whatever. The pink glitter money grab train rolls on.

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Mommy Blogging

NieNie Announces Number Six

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Stephanie Nielson, energy shot rehab promoter, informed the internet yesterday of an impending sixth Nielson.

When the girls found out, they both cried the sweetest, happiest tears. My boys kept thanking me, and I knew this baby was coming to a wonderful family where his/her siblings will adore him/her.

She went on to say something about prayers because pregnancy is hard, but she knows she can do it, presumably because #soblessed.

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Lifestyle Blogging

The Feminist Breeder Wants To Teach Blogging

The Feminist Breeder, super successful paywall blogger, would like your feedback on her latest moneymaking idea.

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Evidently the impetus behind this amazing plan is Gina’s inability to find a job worthy of her six figure education. Complaining she can’t find even a minimum wage part-time job willing to work around her schedule, she reminds the world what she has sacrificed to do…whatever it is she’s doing.

I left a $50,000 a year job to get my BA then MPH. Since then I’ve lost $250,000 in income plus the $120,000 in debt. I was miserable in that job, but I don’t know if I was $370,000 miserable.

Because Gina clearly has the perfect combination of temperament and knowledge to conduct an online only blogging course, her fans immediately offered anywhere from $50-100 for an hour of her time. Frankly I’d pay $50 just to watch Gina’s ban happy meltdown the first time someone challenged her answers or advice.

I thought she was making buckets of money with her omg most successful ever pay-to-play website? If she’s doing so well, why does she need part time jobs and income from questionable online how-to-blog courses? If I hate posts that end with questions, why do I keep doing it?

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Lifestyle Blogging

MckMama Will Launch Her New Blog If You Make Her Look Like The Savior Of Kenya

MckMama, sells pills for autistic kids, wants to re-launch her blog. But she’s not going to do it unless you help her look like the White Savior of Kenya.

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Yep, in order to raise her profile as a poverty tourist, Jennifer has refused to launch her new blog until 40 people agree to sponsor her pet village. She even claims she “won’t even post anything else to my Facebook wall except for updates on how the sponsorship is going until we get there”. She’s also holding her Instagram hostage.

Do you like my Instagram photos? Well I’m not going to post ANY more until we finish raising money for these sweet people in Kenya.

All I can say about this is…well, it must take a lot of self-importance to think this would spur people into shelling out money.

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Mommy Blogging

The 2014 Type-A Parent Conference Begins

The sixth annual Type-A con is underway, and mommy and daddy bloggers are busy blowing up the hashtag.

The sessions so far seem to be about “thriving in a home office“, “finding your voice“, and some guy in a foil tiara telling mommy bloggers they should “act like a CEO”. Sessions are also teaching bloggers to “embrace” feedback but don’t let it change your “voice”. Not-even-a-mommy-blogger-anymore Cecily Kellogg is there, evidently adjusting her bra; other bloggers are astroturfing the event with their business cards.

Of course there’s the usual dress up idiocy, and the requisite food and coffee pics which every real CEO takes time to post while at an event.

So this is what bloggers pay 300 bucks plus travel for. At least nobody is having blood buckets handed to them over breakfast, right?

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