DIY Blogging Healthy Living Blogging Lifestyle Blogging Mommy Blogging

Christmas In Blogland Just As Boring As Anticipated

It’s that magical time of year, when bloggers try to out-twee each other on instagram while slamming diet Coke and perfect brownies. Bloggers will decorate and bake and style their holiday lives, and then Amaro filter it all just to make those of us sitting around in our unshowered glory aspire to a more a pinterestmas worthy life.

So if you’ve been too busy hustling your cats out of wrapping paper and taking your rum in shot glass form to follow along, here’s what your favorite bloggers are doing today.

The Million Dolla Skallas and the Derp family did matching pajamas in front of their trees. I don’t even know how you accomplish this, because I would think anything that an infant or toddler could wear would not be something a grown adult would find in their size (much less want their picture taken in), but…ok.

Hey Natalie Jean is evidently in Utah, where Strangles is wearing antlers that look like dookie and standing on his knees for some reason.

Young House Love of course posted their monthly gram. Not very holidayish other than the caption but at least they didn’t go for all matching outfits.

The HLBs settled for weird selfies and awkward family photos in Santa hats.

How are the holidays going for you hamcats? Is everyone drunk and/or ready for a nap yet?


Mommy Blogging WTF

That Wife Will Never Let You Forget You Chose Santa


Click for video

Jenna Cole, everyone’s favorite parenthood storyteller, is once again spreading the magic of Christmas with her sympathetic approach to childhood dreams. Oh wait, no she’s not; she’s reminding everyone – mainly her small son – that Santa isn’t real, lest anyone but Jenna get credit for those gifts under the Businesslady Balsam she has erected in her honor.

I knew that this was my chance to let him in on the Grownup Secret…I emphasized how important it is that he keep this secret to himself and not tell any of the other kids. When I said that Santa isn’t real, and that it’s a game that parents play with their kids, he smiled really big and immediately embraced the idea that he was very mature and able to handle the information.

Just as she did in 2011 Jenna is making it clear that she will not be teaching her kids that some jelly belly’d house crasher from the Arctic Circle is responsible for their gift getting joy. Their gratitude will be firmly directed at Jenna, and Jenna only, or else she will procure a passive aggressive ceramic reminder of your betrayal.

And so, this year when I was selecting the ornament I would give to T1 for 2014, I chose Santa and a small boy, skating off into the sunset together. To represent this year as the one where my kid chose a mythical Santa Claus figure over the being who actually has the power to hear and deliver on his heart’s deepest desires.

Oh well, at least T1 first got a chance to tell all the kids at preschool that his Mommy says Santa isn’t real. I’m sure all the other parents appreciate that. Happy Holidays!


Mommy Blogging WTF

Dooce’s Grief Sponsored By Headache Medicine

Dooce, mother without children, attempted to sound uplifting by posting a making-the-best-of-it staged photo to her instagram. The caption was a long novella full of missing her kids, something something new traditions, and a lukewarm acknowledgment of her fangirls’ support.

This holiday isn’t exactly how I’d pictured it, of course, being without my girls…May all of us who are creating and living these new traditions experience that same happiness ourselves…I’ve already heard from so many of you and want to offer you my encouragement in exchange.

She then closed out the long caption with a big fat #sponsored tag. Yes, the photo was sponsored. By painkillers. Is there any moment bloggers won’t sell?


Internets WTF

Mandajuice Will DUI While Blonde

Mandajuice, stinky, tried to join in the “criming while white” nonsense with this proud moment of whitery.

A little over a year ago I got pulled over for running a red light in St. John’s (the most racially diverse neighborhood in Portland). I was on my way home from a party at which I had more than one glass of wine. Likely more than one BOTTLE. My car was not registered. I was uninsured. I thought I was FUCKED.

But lol nope! She’s blonde so it was totally ok! “But me and my shiny blond hair got off with only a ticket.”

She went on to inform the world that being able to drive on home (evidently while drunk) and sleep it off in her own bed “made me sick that night. Utterly sick.” She then cried her blonde white self to sleep over her blonde white privilege.

Did anyone miss the part where this canker just admitted driving while drunk? Am I the only person focusing on that? Because her fanpoodles are high fiving her bravery like she just admitted she led the storm at Normandy. Look, I’m all for solidarity but maybe wink winking about how you drove home with “likely more than one bottle” of wine in you is not a cute way to go about it.


Fashion Blogging

Barefoot Blonde Is Welcomed To New York City In Style


Welcome to the city, Amber!

In other style blogger news, Caroline over at Unfancy had emotions about some commenters, and I know how you hams enjoy a good eyeroll with your Sunday roast. Apparently a few people didn’t omglove her attempt to solicit donations for some friend of hers. Caroline responded pretty well in the comments (in my opinion, at least) but sort of spoiled it with a follow-up post chiding readers for being negative.

As you can imagine, it took a little time to process exactly what went down on Tuesday…I feel repulsed — because of the way we tend to treat each other online, when we’re safely hidden behind our screens…

She goes on to tell us we are all on the “same team”.

You, the person who is offended by my choices. And you, the person who is cool with me going my own way…You, the person who wrote me an encouraging email late last night. And you, the person who is trashing my name + actions + life in online forums…All of us. Same team.

Well ok then. Not sure what that post was meant to accomplish, honestly, other than allowing Caroline to parade her So Above This-ness.

Hope you had a good weekend, and I hope you’re looking forward to a Monday morning post about getting away with drunk driving. Bloggers just love to brag about everything, don’t they?