Mommy Blogging

Dooce Posts About A Man, Internets Goes “Who?”

Four months after announcing her impending divorce and a few weeks after moving to a new home, Dooce has begun to tease the internets into guessing who her new male friend is. As she was leaving NYC after a trip for work, she posted a pic of four boots stating:

At the airport, headed home, missing @matttuff already

The post sparked instant chatter about whether the pair are dating. Since the rumors about this man’s connection to Dooce started back in February, it’s hard to know whether this is a vague confirmation or merely an attempt to stir up speculation and publicity.

Either way it certainly has both fans and detractors wondering: “Who is Matt Tuff?”

  1. avatar Commes des Chats

    He’s a try-hard hipster loser with shitty taste in women.

    So embarrassed for her. Jon must be THRILLED. As someone else said, Matt Tuff makes Jon Armstrong look cool, which I was previously convinced would be impossible.

    • avatar Ham Nite

      Exactly! Who would’ve ever imagined someone who could make Jon Armstrong look better in comparison?!?! Yikes.

  2. avatar Nope

    She’s joking, right?

    • avatar Nope

      Whoops – can’t figure out how to post this but it’s from this Matt Tuff’s instagram feed. It’s bad. So bad.

      here’s the link:

      • avatar Commes des Chats

        The worst part is … Heather Armstrong is letting that guy fuck her.

        She finds HIM attractive.

        This is really not the upgrade I thought she’d go looking for when she dumped Jon.

        • “letting that guy fuck her”

          Um…harsh. Also, does anyone know they are having sex? I’d hate to get another lawyer letter over anyone claiming it as a fact. ;)

          • avatar Commes des Chats

            Okay, I’d hate to get you in trouble PP. So let’s say I’m positive their multiple weekend trips together are purely platonic! No uglies bumped here, folks!

          • hehe

            For some reason I feel like he’s the kind of guy who has like 14 Wahl attachments to get the perfect beard scruff, and has at least 5 different jars of hair putty.

          • avatar Commes des Chats

            Did you see him posting pics of his stacks of plaid shirts on Instagram? I learned the hard way not to trust a guy who spends more time on his appearance than I do.

            Heather, this guy is more feminine than you are. What the fuck?

          • avatar Mrs Gee Effing Whiz

            I use Wahl clippers on my horse. My horse is better looking.

      • avatar Liminal

        Is this Keith Richards’ brand of eye shadow or Jack Sparrow shadow?

        I’m sure the new couple will be very happy. They can share makeup tips.

  3. avatar kjc425

    So, I’m a lurker but I just have to say that I live in Columbus, OH, and saw them walking together in a local park the weekend they were here. He’s about 6 inches shorter than her :/ (5’10″ here and will admit to a height requirement!).

    • avatar Commes des Chats

      Six inches shorter, several years younger, and his nose is the same width as her thigh.

      I really hope she’s punking us with this. HOW is she going for this loser?

      • avatar Coffee Tosser

        I actually find hockey noses super sexy, but his insistence on chopping it out of photos is ridiculous. I have spacey teeth, but I don’t crop them out of photos.

        • avatar fatmadsad

          same here. I love the nose. I don’t understand what he has against half of it. Looks fine to me.

        • avatar Cuntalina Hittler

          His nose is fine with me, too. I prefer it to the Ryan Gosling Plastic Surgery Special. I’m more repelled by his weird, faux-broody online presence.

    • avatar kjc425

      Also, they were holding hands. Definitely a “walking with my man slice” vibe.

      • avatar Commes des Chats

        I keep hoping I bump into them in New York, but it seems like they stick to really tourist-y areas.

        • avatar kjc425

          Yeah it was odd–most of her Columbus pics were from touristy areas, so I was shocked to see her at Schiller Park, which is more of a locals’ place and right near my house. So weird.

          • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

            Someone tipped her off about German Village. I really, REALLY hope she hasn’t fooled The Limited into doing a deal with her (they’re based in New Albany, outside Columbus). I mean, I don’t know anyone who has shopped there since high school, and it definitely doesn’t go with her aspiring hipster vibe, so it’s bound be hilariously awkward.

          • avatar silveroak

            So wait, she flew out and left her kids last week to see, him and now this week too? I see those kids a priority. :(

          • avatar kjc425

            Ugh, but now that you say it HHT that would absolutely explain her visit. More likely than a deal with Longaberger anyway ;)

          • avatar Mr.F

            Well, to be fair, she could be making these trips on Jon’s weekends.

          • avatar Miss Noir

            Well, Columbus Native here. I don’t live there anymore, but my parents do. German Village is pretty touristy, as is Schiller Park… Schmidts is about as touristy as you can get…. Now I want a creme puff…………

    • Oh wow, so he’s short? How tall is Il Dooce? Also, I live in Columbus and had no idea she was in town. If I’d spotted her I’d totally have thought I was having a psychotic break!

      • avatar kjc425

        She’s probably about my height, very tall and lanky. I won’t lie, they looked a little silleh. But, true love, whatevs.

        I too thought I was having a psychotic break. Dooce is totally a hate read for me so it wasn’t like a celebrity sighting…more like a “WTF are you doing in my park?! Don’t bring HGTV round here!” And even though I voted for the guy I feel the same way about Obama and all of his last minute rallies in my park too.

        • avatar eeee

          Okay, so how tall are YOU? I’ve always thought of Dooce as being about my own height (pushing 6′), but part of that assumption is because it’s pretty hard to be that skinny (especially after age 25 and/or two kids!) when you’re of average height or shorter.

  4. avatar Hammydowns

    Matt Tuff sounds like a thirteen year old kids hardcore name on myspace

  5. avatar The Other Half of Matt Tuff's Nose

    Has anyone seen me??

  6. avatar Iwanka Frump

    Awwwwww… I can’t hate on the dudes nose. It must of hurt like a bitch when it got broken. If he stopped sleeping with other men’s wives that would probably not happen as often

  7. avatar silveroak

    I know he says his twitter and blog are all pretend, but I don’t think you can pretend to be a douchbag that much. His humor is juvenile, and the amount of selfies SCREAMS narcissistic. I know some amazing, successful men, my husband included–self portraits are not something that they do.

    • avatar Starla Dear

      I don’t think that selfies are anything successful, normal adults of either gender do! Selfies should just be left to the realm of teenage girl making duck faces with each other! I cringe at the selfies that Dooce posts and Matttttuff’s are on a whole other level of cringe-worthiness. Seriously, he over processes those pictures within an inch of their lives, and it IS hilarious how he only shows one half of his nose because of the bump in the bridge. How old IS this dude? Anyone know?

      • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

        He’s 33.

        • avatar Snoogerbot

          So a 4 year difference? I was considerably off in my comment in the forums – I think I wrote 7-8 years but extreme thinness can make some look older than they actually are.

        • avatar Paloma

          33? AHHAHAHAAHAHAAAAA! He’s a bit long in the tooth to be playing these games.

    • avatar Sookie

      In terms of narcissistic, few things beat Cecily’s Instagram account. Holy heck.

      What is it with this Matt guy and Douche both having to look so broody/morose in every single photo they take. Would it kill them to smile?

      • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

        They’re the sort of assholes who think being happy is uncool. They care very much that others believe they’re cool and edgy.

      • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

        Plus, have you seen Heather’s teeth? Crime scene. Instead of a 9,000 sq ft house, she should have invested in a dental visit.

        • I’m sorry, has anyone else had a lulzileptic fit over your name?

          Because I just did.

          • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

            I was afraid you’d have the LOLyers on your ass if I included the “Brooke.”

          • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

            You could just be Heather B. Hamilton-Tuff

  8. avatar AQNR

    What is his job? How did they meet? Why does he think people want to see his photos?

    The Google has not helped me much, I want gossip.

    • avatar AQNR

      And is his legal first name “Maurice”? Is he indeed the Pompatus of Love?

      • avatar Commes des Chats

        No, it’s Matthew — his full name is Matthew W. Tuff. W for Walter?

        • avatar AQNR

          So is he originally from Massachusetts? For someone so Internetty, he is hard to find stuff out about.

          • avatar Commes des Chats

            He seems to come from a family with a concrete business (or at least they used to have one — Tuff Crete Corporation). No wonder he’s not singing from the rooftops about what he does if he’s not an OMG hipster coder, OMG hipster musician, or OMG hipster photographer.

          • avatar Coffee Tosser

            He was posting a bunch of stuff from Mass Police during the lock down in Boston on Friday, so I think he lives there.

          • avatar Hammydowns

            Does he live in Boston? Seems a little attention whore-ish to be re-tweeting the Boston PD as if it’s affecting you, if it’s not.

            -Signed…someone who was on lockdown and still wasn’t re-tweeting the Boston PD

          • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

            Rowley, MA it seems.

          • avatar AQNR

            Ah! Huh. I know lots of people in Rowley (well, by the standards of a town as small as Rowley) so will get the in person gossip and share when I do.

            So he just went to Columbus with La Dooce for no particular reason? I like Columbus, but that seems like an odd place to meet your sweetie when you’re both out of state.

          • avatar Commes des Chats

            Particular reason = boning. Good enough reason as far as I’m concerned.

      • avatar oliver tweets


      • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch

        Annnnd… I’m dead.

        This literally might be the best comment in the history of all the comments.

      • avatar Snoogerbot

        I keep coming back to read this comment, which provokes the same reaction every time – snortled giggles. One of my favorite GOMI comments and there are many.

      • avatar Gaspode

        LMAO! Nice!

      • avatar Belva Stone


  9. avatar Sookie

    I’m torn. On the one hand, yes, this is front page worthy. On the other hand, we’re playing right into her hands. Douche obviously doesn’t want to tell her fangirls about this particular relationship (else she’d have done so by now), so she’s letting GOMI do her dirty work. I don’t like that.

    • avatar AQNR

      Leif she didn’t want to tell them about the relationship, why put it on her
      FB or whatever the screenshot is about?

      • avatar AQNR

        Who is Leif? My iPad is starting rumors on its own now.

        • avatar Aggressively Stupid

          Well, it heard how much you wanted gossip and just wants to make you happy.

  10. avatar PleatheryTopKnot

    This probably isn’t something I should admit – I am reading his tweets and laughing out loud. If he were 16 year old his humor would be appropriate.

  11. avatar oliver tweets

    ‘Member the Coachella debacle (JORTS!!!) last year? The person (or people?) who claimed to have seen dooce (in JORTS!!!) said she was with a dood. It’s funny this tuff guy was there (per his instagram), I’m really wondering if he had a date with him. Couldn’t have been dooce though… her lawyer said she wasn’t in California ;)


  12. avatar Snoogerbot

    So when the WKs show up in response to this story, what will they have to say?

    • avatar Heather Hamilton-Tuff

      “Heather deserves to be happy! You’re just jealous, obese haters who live in your mom’s basement!”

      The lines don’t vary much.

      • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch


        • avatar MeggerstheCruel

          Comfier than jorts, imo.

          • avatar Mrs Gee Effing Whiz

            The seams on sweatpants don’t rub your hoohaw to distraction when you’re spinning the way the jorts do.

    • avatar oliver tweets

      I honestly don’t think she has any WKs any more at this point.

      Or, I’d like to think so.

      • avatar Snoogerbot


      • avatar Fiver

        Can someone please tell me what “WK” means? I keep seeing but I am too fat and stupid to understand… I need someone to ‘splain it to me… (But seriously, what is “WK”?)

        • avatar Fiddle dee dee Scarlett!

          “White Knight” Remember that dude that pulled a sheet over his head and screamed “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!” at YouTube while mascara ran down his cheeks? That would be Britney’s White Knight and is the standard to which all white knights aspire.

          • avatar Fiver

            AH! #palmforehead I should have thought of that. Thank you!

          • avatar overprocessed hipster selfies

            Fiver, whenever I don’t know what something means (on here or smugnom) I go to urbandictionary and type it in. That’s how I found out what TL;DR meant. Now I feel cool like the other kids.

    • avatar OhCaitlin

      Ok – I don’t want to WK her, but don’t suburban dads do this stuff all the time? They leave their wives and start dating younger women who might be a little busted up, but still look hot in comparison with their exes. So in that sense, I kind of don’t really get what all the noise is about. Jon sounded like a boring guy to me, and it’s already been pointed out he’s kind of the girl in their relationship. So maybe Heather’s just acting like a recently divorced dad here in dating some young hot mess.

      • avatar Commes des Chats

        But … he’s not hot. He’s just a mess with a hideous ‘personality’.

      • avatar Honey badger don't care

        Yeah I think that’s kind of sucky behavior too for those ‘suburban dads’.

    • avatar Christopher Walken

      WK here. Ya’ll prob remember me, I’ve been holding out a long time.

      But no more. This guy is… I don’t even have a word, just a grunt of disapproval. I’m cringing on behalf of her.

      I’ve found that it’s true you can judge someone by the company they keep. For her to be dating this guy… I was wrong about her. I was bamboozled, I admit it.

  13. avatar Gramma Cami

    How does a mommyblogger from Salt Lake City meet a tryhard dbag from Nowhere, Massachusetts? Did she do an Instagram search for overprocessed hipster selfies?

    • avatar Paloma

      A match made on twitter?

    • avatar Mind if I do a J?

      So, who is going to claim the user name Overprocessed Hipster Selfies?

    • avatar AQNR

      Rowley is really pretty, but it is truly the middle of nowhere. So many questions right now. Brain teeming with questions,

      • avatar SuckAPlease

        If you call living in a seaport town 20 miles North of Boston/20 miles South of Portsmouth, NH living in the middle of nowhere, you clearly have never been to South Dakota.

        • avatar Mockingword

          Yeah, well, I live in Boston, and I call it the middle of nowhere. South Dakota may as well be Mars.

        • avatar AQNR

          I have friends in Rowley and I live in Cambridge. Rural Mass is the middle of nowhere to me (grew up mostly in rural Mass so know whereof I speak!)

          I have been to South Dakota and eaten Mongolian barbeque in Sioux City. But yeah, rural South Dakota is even more the middle of nowhere, you’re right.

          • avatar Belva Stone

            Sioux City, Iowa
            Sioux Falls, South Dakota

          • avatar AQNR

            Thank you! It was Sioux Falls. I really liked South Dakota.

        • avatar X-Designer

          I have a child in college in SD (go Yotes!)
          and quote my daughter “MOM. There is NOTHING in SD. NOTHING!”

      • avatar Teeming Brain

        You rang?


    • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

      • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

        Ha! I read that as” Douchematch”.

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