Author Archives: Super Nintendo Chalmers

Fashion Blogging

Unabashedly Prep Will Distort the Definition of “Signature”

Go-to-hell jumpingF.E. Castleberry, a man who expresses his nonconformity by flashing his ankles every chance he gets, is holding a giveaway on his site this week–enter and win one of these ties. F.E.C. describes the ties as thus:

K. Cooper Ray is doing it again. He is putting his signature twist on traditional neck-wear. First, it was his reversible bow ties with Brooks Brothers. And now? Now it is long ties with contrasting knots and blades under the Social Primer (a word play on the dual meaning of the word, yet takes the long pronunciation of the “i”) label.

A commenter objected to the “signature twist” part, and had the following conversation with Castleberry:

Harry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 6:12 PM:

Everyone knows that Tommy Hilfiger made (perhaps still makes) contrasting ties just like this for years, yes? How can this be his “signature twist” when it’s already been done/is being done by another, similar designer working in, essentialy [sic], the same space?

F.E. Castleberry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 6:18 PM:

@Harry—While several companies, including Tommy Hilfiger, have played with contrastivg [sic] blades, I don’t believe any of them did a contrasting knot.

Harry left a comment on 4/9/2013 at 8:37 PM:

Fred – isn’t it the contrasting tail that creates the contrasting knot?

F.E.C. stops replying after this, but the weird thing is that the tie designer’s own website says that the tie is “…so old it’s new.  Inspired by his grandfather’s fraternity tie…” I’m not sure you can call something a “signature twist” if it’s just an updated version of something that has been around for decades. Also, since Castleberry is such a fan of history and passing things down from one generation to another, it seems like he would be playing up the “fraternity tie” angle, not ignoring it. Maybe I should just be happy he didn’t call them “go-to-hell ties.”

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Mommy Blogging

Project Babies Thinks It’s Appropriate to Discuss Layoffs On Twitter

Project Babies’ Kristin, captain of industry, has been spewing hot, fiery conservative rage all over Twitter since last night. One part that really stood out was this:

First off, what if employees of Trisha Hope’s company read her timeline? Is that really the best way to announce layoffs? Also, the way Kristin’s tweet is worded she makes it seem as if employees who support health care reform are the ones she and her husband will fire. Even if that’s not the case, it just seems flippant and incredibly gross to talk about firing employees in a forum that your employees can easily read.

Note: Project Babies has locked her Twitter timeline, so don’t bother trying to look at it right now. Oh well, we’ll always have the screenshots.

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Internets Lifestyle Blogging

In Case You Were Wondering, Mary Rambin’s Condescension Circuit Still Works

Gal about town and pioneering testicle designer Mary Rambin has dusted off her soapbox to drop some more knowledge on the unhealthy masses. This time she focuses on NYC’s recent ban on large sugar-sweetened drinks, which is, in her words, “a step in the right direction.” More specifically:

My hope is that this is the first of many acts to follow to take the over-processed crap out of our diets; people are obviously not capable of doing it themselves.  (Have you seen the lines at McDonald’s lately?!)

Again with the “oh poor unhealthy idiots, eating McDonald’s because they’re too dumb to know better” schtick. She honestly seems to believe that if soda and fast food were wiped off the face of the earth, everyone would just start going to Whole Foods and eating salads and granola all day long. She doesn’t show even an iota of understanding that health is way more complicated than just trying to force people to reach for water instead of Pepsi. I’m just tired of seeing Rambin pull this ridiculous concern-trolling routine, when it’s clear she doesn’t care about starting or joining any halfway serious conversation about health or obesity.

I will give it to Rambo, though. The woman certainly knows how to end her posts with a bang:

Although I have no scientific references to back this up, it’s my belief that the crap these big brands inject into food is a cause of cancer.

Cancer, you say?! Well I’m convinced. I’ll put down my Cinnabon and pick up the nut butter. Does anyone know of any good recipes involving quinoa?

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Lifestyle Blogging

Cary Randolph Won’t Shut Up About the Hamptons

Cary Randolph-future Kennedy, current Jefferson and the ne plus ultra of high society-graciously answers questions from the unwashed masses. Today she got an anonymous question that was right in her wheelhouse:

Anonymous said: Which do you prefer: Hamptons or Newport?

Cary: I prefer them both to pretty much anywhere else, but if we’re splitting hairs I’d like to be tearing down Further Lane in a charcoal gray Mercedes-Benz SLK350 with the top down, hair loose, white linen shirt over a black string bikini, bloody Mary in a Solo cup, and Bob Seger on the radio, the right man at my right side.

Well thank God. I thought this seemed pretentious but the mention of a red Solo cup really brought this answer down to earth. I understand answering a question creatively, but this is a self-indulgent wank over the trust fund or bank account that Scary Mandolph just knows is out there, waiting for her to come and really turn its life around. Mandolph created this fiction of herself as a dyed-in-the-wool WASP at least a year ago, and nothing has come of it. It’s time to admit she really is just the bland Midwestern transplant we all know she is. If she would stop trying to be the second coming of Carolyn Bessette-Kennedy she might actually be interesting.

Thankfully, there is at least one person who isn’t impressed by Mandolph’s response:

Philistine. I’ll bet they never even heard of F. Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald.

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Lifestyle Blogging

That’s Quirky Is a Steaming Pile of No

The new That’s Quirky has gone live. Though I expected it to be underwhelming on every possible level, the knowledge-resistant Jessica and Adam Quirk have actually managed to cram a stunning amount of bullshit into such a bland website.

Let’s start with the food section, where Messi and Adam (Medam? Adssi?) share a recipe for Swedish meatballs:

 Playfully plop the pork into a large mixing bowl, and add shallot, garlic, egg, bread crumbs, wine, salt, and pepper. Wash your right hand (or left if you’re weird) and plunge it on in. Vigorously massage this stuff with your fingers until it’s all combined and seemingly uniform.

“Or left if you’re weird.” HAHAHAHAHAHA left-handed people are freaks, y’all! If Messi and Adam weren’t such awful people, I might excuse their fruitless attempts at humor; but they’re not, so here we are. Also those meatballs are grey and seem as appetizing as a hernia. Now this recipe is bad enough on its own, but at the very end the That’s Quirky Dream Team just had to include this:

Ok, now dump it all out into a beautiful serving dish or the floor depending on your eating style and culture.

OK, I know I shouldn’t be surprised, given the Park Slope fiasco and the videos/pictures on Wrecks & Salvage’s Flickr, but seriously? The floor? Are these people capable of making a joke that isn’t a.) painfully unfunny, b.) in very poor taste, or c.) both?

The disaster continues. In another post Messi waxes poetic on the thrills of Bub’s Burgers, apparently the only burger place she has ever been to:

The first bite of a Bub’s burger it reminds me of the Fourth of July – a perfectly cooked, straight off the grill taste that brings on a wave of nostalgia.  The fixings are simple but fresh (green lettuce! crisp pickles! red tomatos!) and the burger’s themselves couldn’t be better.  For sure the best burger (and banana shake) in town.

LETTUCE IS SUPPOSED TO BE GREEN. Why does this woman seem surprised that the lettuce hasn’t spoiled? Also since Messi slam noms those Scholar’s Inn burgers every couple of days or so I fail to see how she can get all nostalgic about just another burger. I love a chunk of dead cow as much as the next red-blooded American, but eating one doesn’t take me back to a younger, more innocent time. Plus if I’m describing a burger place to someone I would probably refrain from mentioning three of the most common things that are seen on hamburgers. Though I guess maybe tomatos[sic] are usually not red. I don’t live in Broomcloset so I have no idea.

Fortunately, it’s not all bad. Adam Quirk even takes some time to remind us of the simpler things in life:

I feel a powerful peace when I stand in the forest surrounded by trees and think of their massive, benevolent lives. The forest is full of trees that have been growing for longer than many of us have been alive. Some have been here for generations. Those trees have spent their lives growing towards the sun, exhaling oxygen, and providing shade and food for the creatures of the forest. No thanks required. Just enjoy.

So on that note, I’m going to take @Quirk’s advice and go hug some oaks. You should do the same, but after checking out That’s Quirky in all its “WTF” glory.

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