DIY Blogging Mommy Blogging

“The Next Martha” Will Tell You How To Treat Bloggers

Bloggers are ordering their new moo cards and dusting off their sense of entitlement in preparation for the Blogher 2013 conference. In between tweets whining about google reader and how omg summer is so hot, hundreds of middle class women are emailing any company they can think of begging for a sponsorship while others assert their expertiness by posting blog conference how-tos.

“The Next Martha” has graciously provided the Chicago Sheraton with just such a how-to guide, full of handy tips on how to treat the blogeratti:

What should I expect from bloggers?
You should expect from them as you would any other customer unless you piss them off. Then? Expect your social media to BLOW UP LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE…

Why should I care about these bloggers?
…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…

Going on to tell the hotel that this may be the only vacation the mommies get, they are instructed to provide “the same service that you would of any customer. Again, if you don’t? You’ll pay social medially.”  In case she hadn’t made it clear that if their needs were not met the attendees would destroy them online, she went on: “Don’t water down the coffee you serve us. Don’t. We’ll hunt you down and kill you with hashtags.”

Her fangirls immediately began tweeting a link to the page at the Chicago Sheraton, presumably to give them a little taste of what they would have to #dealwith from these women if they didn’t put on their #bloggerisalwaysright faces. I kind of don’t get the point of that post other than as a way to repeatedly threaten the hotel with twitbombing if the bloggers weren’t treated like a pack of breastfeeding, apple product sporting Jolie-Pitts. Is this who bloggers think they are now?




  1. avatar Beezus Christ

    One of the commenters, "Sugar Jones", rushes to the defense of this post with:

    And before getting your panties in a wad, read Jen’s books or her blog. I’ve been reading her blog since I met her at another conference and I’ve read three of her books. She’s HILARIOUS. Taking things we all experience and saying them in her bitingly intelligent way is why she is selling books like hotcakes.

    Her books? Selling like hotcakes?? Wait, what? Does this chick think she's talking about Jen Lancaster? Hahahaha!

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    • avatar Porn Bacon (was Overpriced Nut Butter)

      That comment reads like a review in a poorly selling women's magazine.

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      • avatar Beezus Christ

        And this "Martha Project" chick hasn't written any books, has she? Let alone ones that sell "like hotcakes". The commenter must have gotten confused because of Jen Lancaster's "Tao Of Martha" book...too funny!

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      • avatar JalamityCane

        Funny how Jen let that comment through even though it's not true and she didn't bother to correct Sugar Jones. She's not putting through any comments that aren't favorable now. And she looks like an ass with all the crown photos.

        One of the reasons we have difficulty working with mom bloggers is because of their immature approach to any criticism. They huff, go all caps on us and hold their breath until they turn blue because we dare ask them to do things in a certain way. Jen's post, the comments by her minions, and her attitude highlight everything that is wrong with mom blogging today. She may think she's being funny but she's not doing her peers any favors.

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        • avatar eina

          I'm surprised that those photos went without comment until page 8 of this thread.

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    • avatar Ms Victoria, switchboard operator

      hot-cakes.jpg

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    • avatar Wait...What???

      If this woman is HILARIOUS.....I've been doing HILARIOUS wrong!

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    • avatar Princess Hal

      Maybe she'd sell more if the book came with hotcakes.

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  2. avatar Llama Llama

    DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?

    I WRITE ABOUT MYSELF!!! ON THE INTERWEBZ!! WITH A KEYBOARD!!

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  3. The more I read about this conference, the more I want to go, just to see the train wreck and observe it as an anthropological study.

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    • avatar JalamityCane

      Here, I'll describe it for you so you feel like your there:

      Squealing and hugging in the lobby as mom bloggers find their cliques. The same cliques they talk to every day on Twitter and see every other week at other conferences. No new people allowed in cliques but do feel free to come by and having your pictures taken with them because they're super important. People not being respectful to hotel guests who aren't part of the conference.

      Loud room parties and networking in hotel hallways, again not caring about hotel guests.

      Sparkly shirts, short dresses, and stilettos at the parties, these women dress better for each other than they do their husbands.

      Drunk people. Parties where they make hats out of McDonald's bags. Private parties that only elite bloggers are allowed to attend. Swag suites.

      Booth after booth of household brands giving out swag.

      Outrage after the bloggers post all of the above on Twitter and then claim no one takes them seriously.

      Did I forget anything?

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      • avatar Expat A.Broad

        You've nailed it. I will add the year I went, 2006, there were still actual legit online writers and bloggers there other than the mommyblogger hoardes - people who actually get paid to write about things other than their kids and shopping trips to Target.

        A big deal was made then about the legitimacy of mommybloggers as well versus say, a political blogger or someone who runs a sex blog, several of whom were in attendance and rolling their eyes at the behavior you describe in your comment. Good to know some things haven't changed.

        Oh and let's not forget the "big name" bloggers who attend for free to add credibility to the whole shitshow that is Blogher. 2006 was a banner year with most of those bloggers who have their own GOMI forums adding their own special brand of assholery.

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        • avatar JalamityCane

          In 2006 BlogHer was meant to be a conference for women who blog. After BlogHer organizers realized they could make more money going after brands and moms it completely shit the bed. Now it's just a mommy party and it's disgusting.

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          • avatar Expat A.Broad

            Were you there in 2006 Jalamity? Did you go to the lunch with the "tool girls" or whatever they were. I was embarrassed for them.
            I also had a very interesting encounter with Sweetney there which pretty much confirmed to me that everything people say about her here is true.
            Blogher was an interesting experience to say the least and blogging was different (for me anyway) than what it has become. I don't blog anymore, but I did enjoy meeting many of my fellow bloggers with whom I had come to feel a sense of community. But I realized even then that things were changing.

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            • avatar JalamityCane

              My first was 2008 but my coworkers have gone every year since the beginning. Even in 2008 it was a bit of a different vibe. I think 2009 was when it turned all to hell and became this celebration of everything bloggers shouldn't be.

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        • This only makes me want to go more! I love a live train wreck.

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          • avatar Zesty

            Is is totally wrong that I agree with you? I have a blog! I'm a woman! I'm a Mommy!

            (But I do not blog about being a Mommy. Just an aspiring novelist and a non-practicing alcoholic. I guess I am not BlogHer's target demographic. So let's go and watch the crazy!).

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            • avatar Mrs Gee Effing Whiz

              If YOU were going to be there I would consider spending the money to go. We could sit in the corner and sprain our eyeballs together with all the eyerolling.

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      • avatar twisted pearls

        The dance parties are weird as hell. A whole room of women twisting and writhing while staring blankly into space.

        Thank the good baby Jesus there will not be a ten thousand dollar cake smashed onto the floor for the menial housekeeping crew to clean up.

        Do NOT go there expecting to a) learn anything or b) make new friends to hang out with. I know it's been said over & over again, but it's really true. Bloggers may have chatted with you via FB, email, etc. But they will ignore you--completely--if you don't have money or influence to barter with.

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        • avatar dayman

          I never have to go to know exactly what it's like because then they all go home and blog the shit out of it, complete with pictures and endlessly stories about how zany they are and how great their parties are and how much they love each other and I totally do not get it but all their fangirls flock to the comments to talk about how much FUN it looks like and how they LOVE HEARING ABOUT BLOGHER and I'm like fuck this, get off my goddamn internets, I can't even hate read this crap.

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          • avatar Marion

            I've thought that even when it was known as Journal Con- always hated reading about it. Bleh.

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          • avatar JalamityCane

            And they don't blog about it because they want to give a review, either. They blog the shit out of it because they want people to know they are there. That's the main reason people go to BlogHer, by the way. To let people know they were there.

            People who can't afford to keep their homes out of bankruptcy somehow find the money to come to BlogHer. Even if their trip is sponsored, they somehow find the money for a new wardrobe, sight seeing, restaurants, etc. The priorities of these bloggers are so fucked up. They will never admit that because they have to be seen at Blogher which is infinitely more important than their kids and families.

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          • avatar sorefeetstink

            I have to admit that I have hated Blogher from the beginning. To not let it drive me to drink, I stop reading twitter, blogs, and I only read my "close friends", none of whom are annoying Blogher sluts, on my facebook timeline. I've been doing this for years because I could not even look at another "What to wear at Blogher", "What to expect at Blogher" "How to behave at Blogher" etc. posts for a month before the damn convention. Never mind the fricking "WOOT! Blogher Rawks" posts during abd the bazillion selfies and group pics after. It's worse than Christmas for the Jews.

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            • avatar SorryMarjorie

              Big words coming from someone who joined and was then kicked out of the BlogHer Ad Network.

              Sour grapes + thinking you're anon = LOLs for days. Keep it up.

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      • avatar Cheese Weasel

        So why did the mommy and daddy bloggers get so mad about that WSJ article about conferences? Was it because their secret is out and their "business trip" isn't so business-y after all? http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323335404578443022267306976.html

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  4. avatar AOS

    You should check out her Twiter feed.

    The Next Martha‏@TheNextMartha11h
    And for perspective, I have 41 subscribers to my blog. Think about it.

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    • avatar JalamityCane

      I like this one:

      Maternal Damnation ‏@MaternallyDamnd 2 Jul
      Let me make this clear: Fuck with @TheNextMartha & I will find you. I don't know who you are, but I will find you & I will Liam Neeson you.

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      • avatar Wait...What???

        Oh for fucks sake....and they tell US to lighten up?

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        • avatar JalamityCane

          It must be a joke. We're probably missing the humor.

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          • avatar Mockingbird

            On the contrary, I find it hilarious that someone named Maternal Damnation is going to Liam Neeson anyone who fucks with The Next Martha.

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      • avatar SweetCheeks

        Does that mean she'll make me a Padawan?

        Or she'll save me from the Nazis?

        Or he's gonna let my all-girl band audition for him?

        No...??

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        • avatar Princess Hal

          No. I think she's going to take a liking to teenage Justine Bateman and write a really bad rock song for her band while they spend the summer at the beach.

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          • avatar Princess Hal

            Ah! You got there first. I am so happy someone else knows that movie.

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            • avatar SweetCheeks

              Yeah, but I blew it by typing "he" instead of "she".

              I bet I watched that movie a billion times on HBO in my teen years. Eesh. *lol*

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      • avatar Oh My Gawd

        What a douche.

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    • I don't get it. Think about what?

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      • avatar Ms Victoria, switchboard operator

        3pdy3g.jpg

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      • avatar YouWish

        41 subscribers is not a lot. Like nothing. She's trying to say no one reads her blog usually, but she wrote this and it blew up.

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        • avatar YouWish

          Also, glad I wasn't saying anything scandalous. Thanks, Gravatar, for grabbing my face whether I wanted you to or not.

          No matter, I knew when I finally made GOMI, I'd arrived.

          I'M HERE!

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  5. avatar scarletbegonia

    I'm just kind of embarrassed for her. The fact that she seems to think that swag is a concept unique to Blogher; she doesn't think anyone at the Sheraton Chicago has ever encountered breastfeeding before. She really does think that the Blogher crew is bringing something new to this large hotel that handles lots of conventions. She's more provincial than entitled.

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  6. avatar Mockingbird

    I know someone who works at that hotel. Enjoy your conference, bitches! is all I'm saying.

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  7. avatar Willblogforfood

    tumblr_mapdlx1Qoy1qj13p7o2_250.gif

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    • avatar Ms Victoria, switchboard operator

      I find myself watching this loop and moving my mouth in the same way so as to help her find the damn straw ;)

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    • avatar Zesty

      Cannot stop watching this. It's f'ing hilarious EVERY SINGLE TIME.

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  8. avatar Urethra Franklin

    A bunch of pitiful desperate women at a hotel for a blogging convention?

    tumblr_m8scwlBL9D1r5na0fo1_500.gif

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    • avatar sorefeetstink

      Except nobody attends the actual conference sessions. They are too busy hanging out in the bathrooms, wandering around the swag aisles, squeeing and hugging their friends, pointedly ignoring the low level bloggers, and ignoring the actual learning that might be going on. Sounds like a blast, eh?

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      • avatar Fresh Manatee Posing as Gay

        Sounds like ninth grade, to be exact.

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    • avatar twosix

      THE WITCHES!!! YES!!!

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      • avatar KAS

        That movie HORRIFIED ME in the second grade. I am still scarred.

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  9. avatar dayman

    I just clicked the link to the official conference website. why? I have no earthly idea. But I did, and now I'm really irritated.

    The thing is, I genuinely LIKE blogs. (good blogs, natch.) I'm nosy and I like reading about other peoples' lives, and the conversational tone doesn't bother me. But Jesus H. Christ, if you're going to take your trip to Target and try to turn it into a professional empire that supports your family, try to keep your professional organization PROFESSIONAL. I know I shouldn't be surprised, but the entire tone of that damn website reminded me of the emails my ex-boss used to send, written entirely in comic sans.

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    • avatar lawmom

      Holy shit, you're not kidding. I just peeked. How embarrassing. And these women think they're on the "cutting edge" of technology because they're bloggers - going to their special "conference".

      I'm imagining these chuckleheads at an actual technology conference. Probably would not understand a single sign, much less a presentation.

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    • avatar designgirl

      I was looking at the list of speakers, and except for a few, most of them have following less than 10k on twitter. Granted I follow a couple on twitter because I think they have a unique voice, and I'd justify them speaking, but the majority seem nobodies teaching the nobodies.

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      • avatar chicketychun

        I'm not sure what this says about me, but I've only heard of two of those people, and one of them is that Dr. guy from that Dr. show.

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  10. avatar IloveDavidTennantSoMuch

    Just read this from the BlogHer site...

    But we also wanted to share a reason that you might not realize we even think about when choosing a venue, but we do:
    •The Sheraton Chicago has an active employment contract with their labor union(s)

    We have learned first-hand that we are not the only folks who understand the reach and influence our attendees have...via your incredible followings on various social media platforms. Those platforms make our events a high-profile opportunity for potential union activity, meaning strikes and picketing. We don't want to subject any of you, nor any of our own staff, to that. We don't want to put ourselves, or you, in the position of having to choose whether to cross a picket line. Given that we book our venues months, and sometimes well over a year, in advance, we have always ensured that any hotel that gets our business has no potential union issues looming on the horizon.

    Which is all well and good- I'm glad they're supporting a place that treats its workers well but it's just rubbed me up the wrong way.

    GOD FORBID these woman actually have to get involved in real world problems and take part in something that may be actual activism or real-world change. Noooooo, wouldn't want to bother their little squeezing heads with making ACTUAL DECISIONS and or crossing picket lines or actually finding out what that means!!

    As you were...

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    • avatar Wonton Disregard

      I posted that clip back a few pages. My comment: Hey BlogHer - Self Important much???

      Unbelievable.

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      • avatar IloveDavidTennantSoMuch

        Sorry- Missed it!! We are SO IN TUNE.

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        • avatar Wonton Disregard

          Sometimes I think our keyboards are connected. Borg Brain

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  11. avatar tweenymama

    Has anyone ever been to an eWomen Network conference? Bc/ I am getting a lot of the same vibe . . . for me it was the one time and then never again!

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    • avatar I Call BS

      I have not but I had to unsubscribe from their mailings when the president of my local chapter decided to use the mailing list to share attention-whoring updates about her pregnancy and birth.

      I joined for BUSINESS news, I do not give any fucks that you were tricked by the complexity of a condom.

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  12. avatar snarkosaurus_rex

    I work in hospitality, and the entitlement attitude of these bitches makes me wanna smack them hard. Repeat after me entitle-twats " I am not the only guest". Now let me smack you with my greasy spatula >:-(

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  13. avatar Stephanie

    I always think it's kind of funny when mothers say they don't want to feed their babies in bathrooms because people poo there - your little bundles of joy are pretty much constantly marinating in their own waste, so anywhere you feed them is going to be someplace where somebody has pooped, simply because of their presence. anybody who pees, poops, vomits and drools indiscriminately with no consideration of the time or place is *not* going to make a big deal out of sucking milk out of your nipple in a bathroom versus a private feeding room, office, theater, back of a cab, under a bridge - they don't care!

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    • avatar Boxovinopcoltrane

      You make a valid point, Stepanie.
      Many states have passed laws so that employees are not relegated to restrooms to pump. I can't even remember now whether it's legal to make a mother go into a restroom to breast feed...
      Hey, before my us and I CHOSE to have a baby, I was just as wtf about breast feeding in public. In fact, I thought it was in poor taste and never thought the day would come when I would be concerned with the issue.
      Like I said before, I never breast fed my daughter in public. I actually felt embarrassed doing it in front of my husband even though he was very supportive. I was too worried that people would be offended, although it was 2012, we live in a very liberal community, and there are breast feeding friendly symbols posted on almost every business' door here! I wouldn't even do it in front of my own mother. Shame, it is a powerful thing.

      TL;DR. I find it so ironic that people are pissed at Time Warp's modesty post but here is a thread where people are saying it isn't classy to feed a child in public.

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      • If a woman whips out full exposed tit and starts feeding her kid, I leave the area. I don't want to be forced to participate in your breast display. This includes when I am out to eat - I will ask for my food to go and pointedly tell them it's because some woman has her entire boob out with some kid making sucking sounds on it. You obviously are entitled to do whatever you want - as a childless person it has been made abundantly clear that my desires or comfort have zero weight or merit in today's society, so I guess I'm the one who has to leave or move or look away or be otherwise uncomfortable. *shrug*

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        • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

          Oh, PP, I am NOT SAYING that it's cool or should even BE cool to expose a breast with a child attached to it in a public place! Others mentioned in this thread that that is sort of the epitome of rude, and I wholeheartedly agree. No one needs or wants to feel like they are experiencing a moment like that when it's not their moment. What I'm talking about is that sometimes the kid needs to eat, and it happens at the most inopportune times.
          I stated earlier that I've never had the courage to breastfeed in public. I would never want to offend anyone, but I think that's really sad! I wish I'd made a cover of some sort, and maybe my huscat and me could've gone to dinner with friends, or I wouldn't have had to worry so much about pumping a gazillion bottles.
          I HATE the entitlement tone of the blogger in question. Hate it. It's awful. It just struck a nerve with me because I had a terrible time with breastfeeding in general and felt so much shame about it. I'm sorry. I'll stop rambling on about it now.
          I spent my teens and twenties and part of my thirties absolutely hating "breeders" and everything I thought went along with it. I still hate self-righteous assholes, of course, but I guess I've gotten a little taste of my own medicine. I thought everything would just go as planned, i.e. pump a bunch of bottles, breastfeed at home, and voila! Everyone's happy. It didn't work out that way. I have a tiny little bit more understanding for people who are just trying to make it work.
          I'm sorry that people have been exposed to that mom who doesn't give a shit at all about modesty at a restaurant that's clearly meant for adults who want nothing to do with breeding, or whatever. I'm really not sure what the solution is,though. A cover is a partial solution, but not th end-all, be-all. Pumped bottles are great if your kid takes a bottle (some refuse.)
          I really REALLY never knew this issue would pose a problem in my life. It's been a really tough experience, one that I wish I would've better prepared myself for.
          Last, the childless (by choice or not) have every right to have an opinion and stand by their rights. What about a breast-feeding section of a restaurant? That is an imperfect solution, but it has to be better than the current option. I just don't know. Too wrecked from cheap wine since the little urchin told us to fuck off when we tried to actually take her to a friend's house tonight.
          I feel super lame right now. But I really enjoy GOMI, and I really appreciate all your work, PP.

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          • Oh I know you weren't saying that! I'm kind of tired so I'm expressing it (ba dum tishhhh) wrong. I meant more that I think we all know there are those certain women who think breastfeeding isn't just feeding your kid, it's some kind of rebellion or cause. Those women are always BEHOLD MY ENTIRE CHEST AREA in the middle of dinner while doing that defiant face at anyone who looks their way. I get up and leave those crazies. I don't want any part of that kind of display. I'm sorry I don't want to look at your ENTIRE BREAST while I eat, so I just get up and leave. Mostly because it's just not even worth it to be like "wtf do I need to see this?" to her - as a non-mother nobody cares if I want to see it. I'm resigned to that.

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            • You only feel lame because you have a smashed phone. It's ok, my evil petspawn like to chew everything. We can call our home destruction even?

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            • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

              Thanks, PP. I completely agree with you. girllll ain't nobody want to see some other lady's nakey tit. I know.

              You're kind of the best thing ever. Off to a sloshy wino dream. Buenos!

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            • avatar Tits McGee

              I know attention whores disguised as everyday nursing moms exist, but I've never actually seen one. I'm a lactivist, personally, but I've never stripped from the waist up to feed my child. ;) I happen to have a fairly large chest, so what would normally be hidden by baby's head for a smaller chested woman isn't the case for me. As such, I choose to cover the top of a breast with a burp cloth. All three of my kittens refused to nurse under an actual cover, and I can't say I blame them. I nurse wherever I happen to be, and have no intention of stopping, or of flashing my goods. Babies gotta eat. It's really not a big deal. And honestly, when I see things in public I dislike, such as a couple sucking face, a guy with a huge gut at the pool in a reallyyy small speedo, or a chick on the beach on a thong bikini, I simply look away. My being offended doesn't negate others' right to live their lives, you know? It's also funny that nursing openly in public used to be totally normal and accepted in the U.S. before the mass commercialization of formula.

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