DIY Blogging Mommy Blogging

“The Next Martha” Will Tell You How To Treat Bloggers

Bloggers are ordering their new moo cards and dusting off their sense of entitlement in preparation for the Blogher 2013 conference. In between tweets whining about google reader and how omg summer is so hot, hundreds of middle class women are emailing any company they can think of begging for a sponsorship while others assert their expertiness by posting blog conference how-tos.

“The Next Martha” has graciously provided the Chicago Sheraton with just such a how-to guide, full of handy tips on how to treat the blogeratti:

What should I expect from bloggers?
You should expect from them as you would any other customer unless you piss them off. Then? Expect your social media to BLOW UP LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE…

Why should I care about these bloggers?
…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…

Going on to tell the hotel that this may be the only vacation the mommies get, they are instructed to provide “the same service that you would of any customer. Again, if you don’t? You’ll pay social medially.”  In case she hadn’t made it clear that if their needs were not met the attendees would destroy them online, she went on: “Don’t water down the coffee you serve us. Don’t. We’ll hunt you down and kill you with hashtags.”

Her fangirls immediately began tweeting a link to the page at the Chicago Sheraton, presumably to give them a little taste of what they would have to #dealwith from these women if they didn’t put on their #bloggerisalwaysright faces. I kind of don’t get the point of that post other than as a way to repeatedly threaten the hotel with twitbombing if the bloggers weren’t treated like a pack of breastfeeding, apple product sporting Jolie-Pitts. Is this who bloggers think they are now?

  1. avatar Plop of Color

    What I don’t get is why are they all so defensive in the first place? Why do you need to forewarn a hotel not to treat you poorly? It’s almost as though they are anticipating bad service.

    It seems to me that either they don’t get out much and don’t have any experience with nice hotels or conferences, or they have some deep-seated insecurities about being ‘worth’ good treatment in the first place.

  2. avatar Bene_Gesserit

    Ok, you’re all going to laugh at me, but I’m gonna say it anyhow. Until this morning, I thought BlogHer was just a once yearly female blogger circlejerk. I didn’t even know it was a website. Sooo I think that says a great deal about how big an influence they have. I am a 39 year old married woman with kids and I am online a great deal, and have been since before Windows was on most computers….

    • avatar AOS

      It is a big circle jerk–the website, the writers, the conference. They nominate each other for things and then tweet about each other and themselves while getting pissed when called Mommy Bloggers.

    • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

      I could have written this comment, and was about to. Seriously. I absolutely thought it was just a conference, am a 39 year old married woman with kids and am online/ blogging far too often.
      I think they’re missed their mark.

      • avatar Rabid Honey Badger

        Ditto ^^^^

        • avatar Bene_Gesserit

          I’m so glad it wasn’t just me. I googled BlogHer because I wanted to see how much money people shell out to go and there was the website I didn’t know existed.

  3. Pretty sure the Sheraton could give a shit about bad PR from twats with twitter handles like @martinisandmanis, @SAHWluv, and @hubsnme. While BlogHer is likely paying them pretty nicely to use the conference facilities, if these are women who get out 3 times a year, I doubt they’re losing repeat business. They’re more concerned with keeping the frequent guest happy since they’re likely bankrolled by a corporate account and pay $300+/nt for a non-refundable rate. A one timer who has “legions” of mommy followers who don’t get out? No influence.

    • avatar Oh my god I am So Drunk

      I love those twitter handles SO HARD. Thank you for a big laugh. #JCrewnJuicy

  4. avatar AQNR

    Dear Stone Hearth Pizza,

    I’m planning to come get a delicious gluten-free mushroom pizza later today, and I just wanted you to know that I’m kind of a big deal. Take a moment to talk with me; you’ll be in awe.

    I am the most diverse customer you’ll ever serve, as I am both a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. I belong to the city; I belong to the night.

    Don’t skimp on the mozzarella, as that mozzarella will fuel me to save the entire world through the enchanting magic of my words.

    Also, if you think this is douchey, I’m kidding. Except about the mozzarella, I am as serious as a motherfucking heart attack about that.


    Albie Quirky ( Kind of a Big Deal )

    • avatar AQNR

      P. S. I know lots of swears and I am not afraid to use them on the Internet. #inhashtagsandeverything. #sofuckingbrave

      • avatar Semi Ho


      • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch

        And if they DO skimp on the mozzarella, are you going to hunt them down and kill them with hashtags? #BecauseYouShould

    • avatar Ms Victoria, switchboard operator

      You’re a big deal in my book!


    • avatar Miss Noir

      This was all sorts of yesly.

  5. avatar WTH

    Umm, this is sarcasm people and clearly meant to be humorous. She is poking fun at herself and all the people you criticize here all day everyday. The people who should be pissed are them, not you. Chill!

    • avatar the french fry queen

      then why did it have to be directed at the hotel with threats of social media. She could have easily done a “how to spot your typical blogher attendee” post. But directing it to the hotel that’s hosting is just pretentious. I’m sure if someone working at a hotel read this they would not be like “lol this is really funny and humorous”.

    • avatar JalamityCane

      It’s not sarcasm. It’s an accurate portrayal of how bloggers act at BlogHer. Own it or don’t post it.

    • avatar Alice Roosevelt

      Ummm, I know you think you’re being cutely dismissive by starting off your post with “Ummm,” but what it really means is, “I can’t pull on my big-girl panties and state my opinions like an adult with a basic grasp of logic or a working grasp of the English language.” Ummm.

      • avatar Princess Hal

        Alice, I love you both for this response and also for making me learn about Alice Roosevelt.

    • avatar Oh My Gawd

      “clearly” meant to be humorous? Yeah, clear as mud. FAIL.

    • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

      Umm, she sucks at sarcasm, then.

    • avatar Wait...What???

      I know humor…… You Madame are not humor!

      • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

        Ack…choking on lunch at that. YOU WIN THE INTERNET FUNNIES!!!

    • avatar Social Medially

      Umm, it wasn’t funny. Like, at all. Chill!

    • Sarcasm and humor writing are way more than “saying things that you don’t mean.” Her piece is not humor writing; if it was a humorous piece it would have been more over the top and escalated as it went on. This is too much in the realm of reality. So no, it was not meant to be humorous and saying it is is a quick defense to all the criticism, or it was meant to be humorous and she is a really shiity humor writer.

    • avatar Vodka Utahnic

      Ummmm, we got that. It can be “humor” (I use that very loosely) and still reveal questionable things about the author. If she really did leave a three-foot pile of swag, that’s shitty. If people are running through the lobby squealing, that’s shitty. Oh, and I think most people only get one vacation a year, if that. It’s special snowflake syndrome that gets us. Most people at that hotel just want to do their jobs to the best of their ability and go home.

      And it is incredibly shitty to suggest housekeeping should be happy to take second pickings from swag piles in exchange for dealing with all the trash you deem not good enough to take home. Once you have more swag than will fit in your suitcase, STOP ACCEPTING SWAG.

  6. avatar Bene_Gesserit

    omg. So timely.


  7. avatar JalamityCane


    Let this be a lesson to you.

  8. avatar MrsRonSwanson

    Here’s a fun piece of information for you that I didn’t mention yesterday:

    When I was at BlogHer last year, I met TNM briefly. She TOTALLY ran around like she owned the damn place. Cutting in line to get drinks, acting like she’s too good for everyone. She was, to say it nicely, a bitch.

    One of the lunch keynotes was Martha Stewart herself, and TNM made damn sure she arrived several hours early, grabbed a table up front, decorated with with all of Martha’s stationary/party decorations, etc. She’s not so much a blogger as much as a true Martha stalker.

    Look, we get it. The reason you are going is to meet up with your friends, and that’s cool. But don’t go thinking like you’re “representing bloggers” or whatever the hell this post was. Just visit your friends, get drunk, and STFU.

  9. avatar generic_username

    The “art” of blogging.


  10. avatar Spare Me Taylor

    I left a comment saying to stop patting herself on the back for leaving her branded marketing freebies behind for the housekeeping staff and that they were probably more annoyed than grateful. She didn’t post it. I also said the hotel staff will probably be overjoyed when the conference was over so they would not have women breast feeding in the lobby (classy), hogging the WiFi and hindering the other patrons with their self-importance and VIP expectations. She probably didn’t like it when I said her spelling and writing style was atrocious. I can’t believe middle-aged, middle-class women act like this … telling the hotel how to cater to THEM as if they’re better than everyone else. WTF.

    • avatar Surferwife

      Oh please. Get over yourself.

      • avatar JalamityCane

        SurferWife You’re going from blog to blog smacking down anyone who dares talk against The Next Matha. Is there a problem with her speaking for herself or do her minions aleays have to come out and do her dirty work? Me thinks you doth protest too much and it’s boring.

        I despise sheep.

        • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

          Maybe she gets a swag of loot for her efforts?

          • avatar Social Medially

            Look out, she will punish us social medially guys!!

            • avatar JalamityCane

              “social medially” is a funny phrase. You must have no sense of humor.

          • avatar Unadjusted Monitor

            Maybe bloggers should invite their sycophants to take any remaining swag and clean the suites afterward for free. That will make hotels much happier with blogger conferences.

    • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

      It’s not “classy” to breastfeed in public, i.e. a hotel lobby? Oh, ok. Thanks so much for pointing out that rule.

      • avatar Spare Me Taylor

        No, it is not classy at all to breast feed in the middle of a busy hotel lobby. Do it in your hotel room or a designated mother ‘s room if there is one. There is no need to make a spectacle of yourself breast feeding your OMG baby in a busy upscale hotel lobby if there are other options.

        • avatar Slurp

          Look, I thought TNM’s post was ridiculous, but so is this. Breastfeeding moms don’t ‘make a spectacle of themselves’. If the baby needs to feed, and cannot, they will have a loudly squalling baby to deal with, which is a whole lot more unpleasant for everyone. As for your suggested options, what if the mom is not staying at this hotel, and the only other option is a bathroom?

          Let’s not go back to the days when breastfeeding moms were kept secluded. Breastfeeding is no big deal, and has nothing to do with being classy or not.

          • avatar Spare Me Taylor

            Go ahead – keep telling yourself that if it makes you feel better. There is an appropriate time and place for everything, including breastfeeding. It shows a lot of class when people go some place private instead of doing it in a busy hotel lobby.

            • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

              Oh, ok. Did you want me to go breastfeed my OMG baby in the bathroom where people defecate? Did you want me to let my OMG baby scream and cry because she’s hungry after I’ve checked out of my hotel room while I’m waiting for the cab/valet/whatever? Also, nothing demonstrates “class” like people who use the word “class.” I think the time is appropriate for you to go fuck yourself in a private place.

              • avatar Where's my swag?

                I think the bathroom is an appropriate place to breastfeed your parasite. The rest of us use them where “people defecate”. Obviously you have not been to upscale restrooms as there is usually a sitting room. Better yet, why not pump a bottle beforehand? You choose to be a mother, you choose to feed your offspring breast milk and you choose where and when to bring your nursing baby that you know needs to eat at certain times. And since when can people not use the word class to describe something? It’s a word that has a meaning. Look it up in the dictionary if you don’t believe me.

              • avatar Spare Me Taylor

                Nothing demonstrates class like people who use the words “go fuck yourself”. Keep telling yourself you’re special because you have a baby, sweetheart. Keep telling yourself that.

              • avatar Puh lease

                Why are you special? Every day police and paramedics end up eating thier lunch where someone just crapped, pissed, bled, or even bought the farm.

                And yet so many extraspecyal mommies call them for paper cuts and sniffles. And people like you DEMAND they eat and run.

                If they do actually get time to sit somewhere and eat you are either calling their supervisors and complaining, or telling your brats if they don;t behave the cop will arrest them or the medic will give them a shot.

                I’d be happy to eat in el Banyo at least it would be cool and quiet!603149_3630620728014_622408406_n.jpg

              • avatar bucky

                Puh-lease, I don’t know what circles you run in, but the police officers and paramedics that I know have never eaten their lunch where someone has just shit or died.

                Also? Mothers can breastfeed wherever they damn well please, so avert your eyes, asshole.

              • avatar Puh lease

                So Bucky I glad where you live Barney gets to eat at a reasonable time. Must be nice to live where there are no emergencies. As for asshole. Remember what you said when you dial 911. It’s assholes like me you come out to help you. Please try and remember We’re here to save your ass, not to kiss it. Maybe it’s time selfish takers like you started to think about someone else for once. Instead of being a me first selfish and rude demader try doing something positive. At least assholes like me do something to make the world better rather than LOOK AT ME! HEY LOOK AT ME I’M IN PUBLUC HERE! trying only to do for your own over inflated ego.

                The real asshole is in your mirror.

            • avatar Amanda Hugginkiss

              Would you bottlefeed a baby in the hotel lobby?

              • avatar JalamityCane

                When I fed my babies I found a quiet place to do so. To me, feeding, whether breast or bottle, was a time for my baby and I to bond.

                I wanted my kids not to be distracted. It wasn’t about me showing off my baby or saying “look at me! I’m breastfeeding in the lobby!” It was about giving my child a positive experience. I respected my kids enough to give them privacy and quiet while they were eating. I don’t invite a roomful of women into our kitchen to watch them eat now either.

                However, if I had to yes I would bottle feed in a lobby because whether or not you like it or want to admit it, there’s a difference. And whether or not you agree, there are people who are uncomfortable when someone breastfeeds in public.

                I want people to be comfortable around me and my children. Whether you agree with it or not, there are people who simply aren’t comfortable with it and I respect that.

                Also? I just wouldn’t bring my baby to a conference. When I was breastfeeding, my priority was with my kid at home not at a place with thousands of people patting me on the back because I whipped out my boobs in public.

                Conference attendees pay thousands of dollars and deserve an experience where babies aren’t crying during the presentations (and I have been to many where this happened) or people aren’t trying to divert their eyes.

                This isn’t about you and your breasts at all. It’s about giving your baby privacy and dignity while making everyone around you comfortable.

          • avatar NotThatKelly

            Absolutely this. It is entirely possible to breastfeed discreetly, without drawing attention to yourself.

            Now, I will give you that there are attention whores out there looking to “make a statement” or whatever, but they tend to be the minority.

            Granted, I was the apparently classless mother who tried feeding her infant when she was hungry. Crazy, I know.

            • avatar designgirl

              Yeah…If they’re staying in the hotel, it seems weird to do it in the lobby rather than the privacy of their hotel room.

              My SIL had a breastfeeding fabric cover that she’d throw on and rarely got any flack, do other women not do this?

              • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

                Yes, many women use covers when in public.
                It’s kind of obvious that there’s a baby under there sucking milk out of a breast, though, so I’m sure even women who keep themselves covered (makes a wonderful, hot/humid environment for a baby) are still offending people left and right.
                For the record, I had a baby last year and NEVER, not once, did I find the courage to breastfeed in public. I am seriously disappointed in myself for being a weak asshole who basically avoided public situations except for work, and pumped every three hours around the clock. So glad people like Spare Me Taylor are here in the world to shame women about their bodies and natural biological functions. How very classy.
                And, Spare Me, I think it’s adorable that you imagine such a thing as an “upscale” hotel. Honey, no matter how much they bleach the bedding, you’re still sleeping on a bed that thousands of others have, doing god knows what (probably breastfeeding!) If you had any sort of class, you’d have a home in each city and wouldn’t have to stay in a hotel like the rest of the classless masses. But keep telling yourself you’re classy.

            • avatar Tits McGee

              Preach it!

        • avatar Miss Noir

          Dude, it’s breastfeeding. Babies need to eat. It’s not like new moms get all Remus and Romulus in hotel lobbies, but if you’re indicating that breastfeeding is in anyway lude, you have issues.

          • avatar JalamityCane

            It was only a matter of time.

          • avatar Spare Me Taylor

            First of all, I’m not a “dude”. Second, let’s stick to the real issue here – self-entitled bloggers making demands of hotel staff. I have my opinion on breastfeeding in a busy place, and you have yours. Let’s just agree to disagree and move on. The only reason I even mentioned it was because she put it in her open letter to the hotel.

            • avatar Where's my swag?

              I don’t think it’s lewd – just plain RUDE, dude!

          • avatar Where's my swag?

            Learn how to spell – it’s lewd.

            • avatar Miss Noir

              Oh, you got me. I’m so burned.

              Breasts are gross and not classy. Got it. Moving on. Mayhaps I can sign in with other usernames to back my position up?

              • avatar JalamityCane

                I really don’t understand – why would anyone want to breastfeed in a lobby when they can just go up to their room and have privacy. What baby wants to nurse around thousands of squeeeeing women.

                Sometimes I think BlogHer moms whip out their breasts because they can and not because it’s the best thing for the kid at the time.

              • avatar semi ho

                Seriously, people?

                Anyone who thinks breastfeeding is gross needs to get the fuck over her hangups about females.

          • avatar Spank4Wank

            She didn’t say it was lewd, she implied it was not classy. There’s a difference.

            Is a rhinestone cowboy hat lewd?
            Is it classy?

            The answer to both questions is clearly no.

        • avatar Miss.Lemon

          I agree women can go aside and do what they need to do but their are some who are hell bent out of making a show out of it, so sad.

          • avatar scarletbegonia

            This whole thread was a lot more fun before the mommy wars broke out.

            • avatar cmj



            • avatar Daffy Duck

              Just remember, mommies are ALWAYS right and your needs take a backseat to their wish to expose themselves.

              • avatar Tits McGee

                Nice hyperbole. Most of us breastfeeding moms actually have NO desire to flash, and make efforts not to do so.

  11. avatar Surferwife

    Hey shitheads. Pretty sure that post was in jest. A joke of sorts. You know, kinda like this fucking dumbass website you read it on.

    • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

      Bless your heart.

    • avatar Social Medially

      Hey shithead. No-one is forcing you to be on this site and you’re taking that ‘joke of sorts’ awfully seriously. Lighten up and GOMI.

    • avatar Bene_Gesserit

      There are disposable douches to help with that sand in your vagina.

    • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

      Oh, a joke. Like your blog?

    • avatar Veronica Corningstone

      Aren’t you precious?

    • avatar generic_username

      Ohhh, I see…so the best kind of joke is the one that doesn’t seem funny at first until someone explains it to you.


      Thank you, kind internet stranger!

    • avatar AQNR

      But jokes are funny.

    • avatar Porn Bacon (was Overpriced Nut Butter)

      Ah, so saying something jerky is okay if you throw some jokes in and then claim it’s sarcasm even though it really isn’t when someone calls you out on the fact that you’re being a jerkface. This makes perfect sense.

    • avatar Beezus Christ

      You should sit this one out.

    • avatar JalamityCane

      What a beautiful comment. So well though out. So mature. So reasoned. How can anyone not take it seriously?

    • avatar Miss Noir

      SICK BURN, SURFERWIFE. #shitheadssoitbetter

    • avatar Unadjusted Monitor

      I fully agree that her post was “a joke of sorts” — just not the kind she intended.

    • avatar smallthingssmallminds

      Oh lord it’s the return of the bum faced clubbie the blogger equivalent to the numb nuts that will drop in on your wave
      Try hard surf moll haz the opinion

    • avatar Sigmund F.

      There are no jokes. They are really just our true feelings bubbling forth to the surface.

  12. avatar overnight sog

    Oooh. Must have hit a nerve.

  13. avatar zhnjg

    I wish I could act this entitled about what I do. Instead, I do research where I’m grossly underpaid, rarely recognized commensurate to my contribution and have to fight for publication space.

    If only I’d known that all I needed to do to demand good quality coffee was put my special thoughts on life out into the world and cultivate minions. I need minions. There must be some around here somewhere…

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