DIY Blogging Mommy Blogging

“The Next Martha” Will Tell You How To Treat Bloggers

Bloggers are ordering their new moo cards and dusting off their sense of entitlement in preparation for the Blogher 2013 conference. In between tweets whining about google reader and how omg summer is so hot, hundreds of middle class women are emailing any company they can think of begging for a sponsorship while others assert their expertiness by posting blog conference how-tos.

“The Next Martha” has graciously provided the Chicago Sheraton with just such a how-to guide, full of handy tips on how to treat the blogeratti:

What should I expect from bloggers?
You should expect from them as you would any other customer unless you piss them off. Then? Expect your social media to BLOW UP LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE…

Why should I care about these bloggers?
…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…

Going on to tell the hotel that this may be the only vacation the mommies get, they are instructed to provide “the same service that you would of any customer. Again, if you don’t? You’ll pay social medially.”  In case she hadn’t made it clear that if their needs were not met the attendees would destroy them online, she went on: “Don’t water down the coffee you serve us. Don’t. We’ll hunt you down and kill you with hashtags.”

Her fangirls immediately began tweeting a link to the page at the Chicago Sheraton, presumably to give them a little taste of what they would have to #dealwith from these women if they didn’t put on their #bloggerisalwaysright faces. I kind of don’t get the point of that post other than as a way to repeatedly threaten the hotel with twitbombing if the bloggers weren’t treated like a pack of breastfeeding, apple product sporting Jolie-Pitts. Is this who bloggers think they are now?

  1. avatar emme

    HAHAHAHA! I’m literally laughing my ass off here!

    “you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…” um… yeah, if it was a conference for Nobel Prize winners, maybe.

    • avatar emme

      “Look for smart phones, iPads, Apple lap tops, and lots of texting’… so basically, look for people who act like every single other guest.

    • tumblr_m5pftfD2fT1ry2gweo1_400.gif

      “Whooooooa, who are those women??”
      “Bloggers. They’re bloggers.”

      Cue J.J. Abrams type music as 100 something women pour into the lobby and begin myspace posing into their instagrams.

      • avatar JaffaCakes

        At the after party, I feel like they are picturing themselves as this -

        Buuuut they are more like this -

      • avatar lokicat

        Oh Parker Lewis…why weren’t you my highschool boyfriend?

  2. avatar Joy

    One other thing. If I “only” got one vacation a year (actually I’m lucky to get one every other year) the last place I’d choose is a BlogHer conference. Seems exhausting.

    • avatar JalamityCane

      Many of these mommy bloggers choose going to conferences without their families over going on vacation with their families. The rest of the year they blog about what great parents they are.

    • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch



  3. avatar Pam

    This exactly what 95% of bloggers hate & women like her are specifically the reason that my first BlogHer convention a few years ago was also my last.

    The amount of holier-than-thou, self-important bitches, while in the minority were prevalent enough to ruin the whole thing.

    Women like “The Next Martha” are the kind who will knock you down to get a free pad of sticky notes & then complain because the sticky notes aren’t good enough.


  4. avatar Kimberly Gauthier

    That blog post was a little shocking to me. I’m gathering that it’s a joke, but damn it paints bloggers in such an unflattering light. Granted, there are bloggers who feel just as that writer does, but I can’t imagine that it’s the majority – at least I hope it is.

    She does have the internet all a buzz and the traffic to her site has to be amazing. It’ll be interesting to see if BlogHer responds.

    • avatar Cheetah Tail

      It sounds like she’s making gentle fun of herself and her mommy blogging crew, but is pretty serious about how they will retaliate if the conference doesn’t measure up. And she clearly does expect strong coffee and for Jennifer Lopez to collect her closetful of baby slings with tears of gratitude at the end of it all.

  5. avatar Ms Victoria

    She has the internet all a buzz? The whole internet?


  6. avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

    This is that fucking waste of time that involves smashing a cake made to look like a unicorn, right?

    Yeah, I think the cast party for “Tromeo & Juliet” way outclasses this bunch.

    • avatar dayman

      Yep. this is the stupid party where they all try to look so FUN and WACKY and then spend a week afterwards blogging about their awesome fun times and commenters go on and on about how awesome they all look.

      It completely confuses me. It’s like even the good bloggers go temporarily insane. it’s like July 1st in a hospital, you just wanna go on vacation from the internets for a week.

      • avatar Semi Ho

        How I feel trying to read certains blogs within 2 months of Blogher


  7. avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

    “Swag. What does that mean? It means that there are corporate sponsored parties that donate items to get them into the hands of this shopping powerhouse of the family. How does this affect you? Housekeeping. At the end of last year’s conference my room had ½ a closet stacked 3 feet high with stuff we decided to not pack and bring home. We left a note explaining that we were leaving housekeeping with any of the stuff we left. A lot of this stuff is NOT junk. It simply cannot all be taken. Please come up with a policy for items left behind in the room for housekeeping if you don’t already have one.”

    Listen, you dumb bitch. People working at a hotel know perfectly well what swag is. Mountains of the stuff are distributed there at trade shows, networking events, conferences and promotional evenings year after year. And they have a policy for related items left behind. Keep the good shit, throw the rest out. The end.

    I am wondering if she has ever been to a hotel. Perhaps she has only seen them on TV and is looking forward to meeting her long-lost twin under wacky circumstances.

    • avatar Ms Victoria


    • avatar Aspen Overfell

      That baffled me too. There’s been a “Swag Suite” every year since 2007. For those who don’t know – anything you get that you don’t want, you take to a room and leave, others can take it if they want, and at the end, everything is donated to a pre-chosen group of charities.

    • avatar meeper

      I’m also wondering if she knows that she CAN choose not to take swag from a convention booth. I don’t need any more cheap water bottles with a corporate logo and always remember this whenever I’m passing a table with cheap water bottles. If I’m interested in the product or service or information, I’ll take a brochure or business card.

      • avatar JalamityCane

        It’s somewhat of a status symbol to be seen with bags full of swag. The more swag you have, the more you’ve made it as a blogger. There are private swag parties, under the table swag for special bloggers, etc. So the goal here is to fill your bag as full as possible regardless of the swag because you have to give the impression that you rate. That’s why bloggers take so much swag and leave it in their rooms. They don’t really want it, they just want to be seen with it.

        • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch

          That might be the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.


        • avatar Alice Roosevelt

          Christ on rollerskates, that kind of conspicuous consumption is positively disgusting. It’s too bad most of these mommybloggers don’t have the brains or ethics to say, “I’m not here for free shit.”

          (Because they wouldn’t go to BlogHer, would they? I remember an online flap a few years back when Amalah’s baby got elbowed in the head by some swag-lunging greedball, and in the resultant storms of outrage, someone told everyone they were all being CLASSIST for calling greedy, swag-hoarding mommybloggers out as greedy, swag-hoarding mommybloggers, because some of those mommybloggers depend on that swag to LIVE, don’t you know? So remember: Hating these hausfraus gone wild for their greediness is a form of economic discrimination.)

          • avatar JalamityCane

            Which is bullshit because you can’t live off free pens and shampoo samples. Don’t get me wrong bloggers can find some food samples there, and cleaning supplies, cosmetics and other samples but we’re not talking about anything that can sustain anyone for long periods of time. Unless they’re counting on those Eden Fantasies bags but once the batteries run down they’re useless anyway. If they have to count on cheese samples or soup packets to subsist they seriously need to find a new line of work.

      • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

        Good point. You don’t want to take 3 cubic feet of freebies home? Then don’t take them off the table, you silly fucking cow.

    • avatar elderly blogger behind the counter in small town

      I have attended BlogHer in the past and they have always been clear, informing attendees to NOT leave Swag behind in the room, that it is in poor taste and absolutely frowned upon. Here’s a tip: DON’T take something you can’t use or fit in your suitcase. I know the Lands’ End totes with a hideous logo are hard to resist but do you really need five more?

      • avatar elderly blogger behind the counter in a small town

        So old, fat hands can’t even get my name right…

        • avatar Alice Roosevelt

          Best user name, although damn you for the Pearl Jam earworm because now all day, I’ll be singing, “i just want to scream…hello…/my god its been so long, never dreamed you’d return/but now here you are, and here i am …”

        • avatar Rabid Honey Badger

          Ha ha, screen name. I’m dying.

  8. avatar Aspen Overfell

    I don’t know if The Next Martha went to BlogHer last year but I did, it was our second time at the same NYC hotel, and the staff was horrible. Check-in reservations were screwed up, packages left at the front desk were given to the wrong people, and the security whose job it was to scan our badges were practically the gestapo.

    I’m not saying her post didn’t make me want to gag, roll my eyes, and fire off an angry blog post about how us bloggers need to remember that we are guests of the hotel, and they don’t work for us, but I do see why she might have been remembering all the problems and thought it would be ‘funny’ to ‘warn’ the Sheraton that we’re descending upon them later this month :)

    • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

      Then she should take it up with the people running the event. Hell, perhaps volunteer. And none of her post seemed to refer to actual unsatisfactory service from a prior hotel in any case.

      No it was just more tee hee coolest girls in class I’m such a techy geek grrl power mommy vom.

      • avatar Aspen Overfell

        What got me was “…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…”

        Come on. Hotel staff talks to a thousand people a day, every day. They meet celebrities, politicians, all kinds of people. A bellhop is not going to find themselves in awe just for meeting a blogger.

        • avatar Cheetah Tail

          If I worked for a hotel and saw a BlogHer come at me squeeing I’d knock her out cold with a complimentary bottle of vodka. You’re welcome!

        • avatar Cuntalina Hittler

          And if she took the time to talk to the hotel staff, she might find herself better for having met them. Hell, they have paying jobs, which is more than I can say for this ho.

        • avatar eina

          I can definitely see the bellhop soaking in the blogger’s wisdom and going “Oh, she has it all figured out.” and then immediately quitting his job to live a life devoted to the pursuit of swag.

    • avatar Wonton Disregard

      She did not highlight any of the issues you mentioned in a format that the hotel could have used to improve service or work with this group. Instead, she came across as a smug, self-entitled bitch who know little or nothing about the service industry or how large conferences actually work.

      BlogHer should boot her “unprofessional” ass.

      • avatar FattyMagoo

        Boot her from what? From what I can tell, she’s just a sad wannabe who is blowing money on this conference to feed her ego. She’s not in their advertising network, she’s never written for them, and her blog has never been featured by them.

        • avatar Wonton Disregard

          I don’t have any fucks to give for how BlogHer works. They can all go have their circle jerk of stupidity while the rest of us laugh.

          • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

            In fact, that’s kind of our preference.

      • avatar Aspen Overfell

        The hashtag threats were not cool. At a previous BlogHer conference, Crocs sent a rep who invited a small group to a lunch and had free shoes for everybody. Except somehow they ran out. And a blogger tracked this rep down in the lobby and in front of everyone, told him he was going to be sorry and she was going to ruin him on Twitter. Over CROCS.

        • avatar Ms Victoria

          Yeah…not sure if trolling, late to the conversation or attempting to awkwardly WK while pretending to throw TNM under the bus. All of this has been covered ad nauseam.

          • avatar Aspen Overfell

            I’m sorry, did you mean me? Definitely not trolling here.

        • avatar eina

          That is so strange…”How dare you not give me my FREE shoes?!” The reasonable thing to do would have just been to shrug it off and go “Too bad the shoes ran out, but hey, I got a free lunch.” or maybe politely ask if they could somehow arrange to get a pair delivered to her — although even that feels pushy to me.

  9. avatar Fuck Toad

    I hate the word swag, and I hate unwarranted self-importance.

    • avatar Aspen Overfell

      I do too. The reason the conference ticket is not as expensive as other conferences it’s size, and the reason the hotel rooms are $199, is because major brands buy booth space and then fill it with their newest products, hoping us bloggers will see stuff we love so much we feel like telling people. There is no expectation or requirement to say anything about anything that’s given away.

      That being said, I make sure to sincerely thank every PR rep, brand rep, and product inventor I meet there, shake their hand, tell them why I think their product is cool or whatever, and let them know I appreciate them taking their time to come to this crazy conference and deal with bloggers :)

      • avatar JalamityCane

        BlogHer charges more for a booth than other conferences too which keeps costs low for people who attend. Many of our clients have booths there and spend between $10,000 and $50,000.

        • avatar Aspen Overfell

          That sounds about right. Proctor & Gamble builds an entire roofless HOUSE with separate rooms for each of their product lines!

  10. avatar ihavecats

    We recently had some pretty awful service at a Doubletree. One of us travels extensively for work, domestically and internationally, and has had good experiences with Doubletree. This stay was not business-related, but Doubletree was chosen based on her experiences. Our response to the awful stay/service? We filled out the comment card, with emphasis on the business traveler who will no longer consider Doubletree as a top option, and mailed it directly to the hotel manager and sent a copy of said card to corporate.

    If only we had thought of a social media and hashtag bombardment!

    Wait. We’re adults.

  11. avatar Snarkastic

    So basically they’re threatening their hotel. It’s practically a negative review before any services are rendered. I hope they leave all the dirty sheets on the beds.

  12. avatar oceanbunny

    Chicago is a convention town, she claims to live in the area but seems clueless about that fact. Back when I was in college, I worked temp at many smaller conferences and in the grand scheme of things BlogHer would still be seen as a smaller conference. She needs to get over herself before she finds that her coffee has an extra special ingredient.

    That post was everything that makes “mommy bloggers” look like a joke.

  13. Wait what? Bloggers are squealers?! Uhhhh I blog and I don’t squeal at technology or anything, if anything I cringe because I don’t need MORE TECHNOLOGY TO CONFUSE ME!

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