DIY Blogging Mommy Blogging

“The Next Martha” Will Tell You How To Treat Bloggers

Bloggers are ordering their new moo cards and dusting off their sense of entitlement in preparation for the Blogher 2013 conference. In between tweets whining about google reader and how omg summer is so hot, hundreds of middle class women are emailing any company they can think of begging for a sponsorship while others assert their expertiness by posting blog conference how-tos.

“The Next Martha” has graciously provided the Chicago Sheraton with just such a how-to guide, full of handy tips on how to treat the blogeratti:

What should I expect from bloggers?
You should expect from them as you would any other customer unless you piss them off. Then? Expect your social media to BLOW UP LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE…

Why should I care about these bloggers?
…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…

Going on to tell the hotel that this may be the only vacation the mommies get, they are instructed to provide “the same service that you would of any customer. Again, if you don’t? You’ll pay social medially.”  In case she hadn’t made it clear that if their needs were not met the attendees would destroy them online, she went on: “Don’t water down the coffee you serve us. Don’t. We’ll hunt you down and kill you with hashtags.”

Her fangirls immediately began tweeting a link to the page at the Chicago Sheraton, presumably to give them a little taste of what they would have to #dealwith from these women if they didn’t put on their #bloggerisalwaysright faces. I kind of don’t get the point of that post other than as a way to repeatedly threaten the hotel with twitbombing if the bloggers weren’t treated like a pack of breastfeeding, apple product sporting Jolie-Pitts. Is this who bloggers think they are now?

  1. avatar AOS

    BlogHer is such a joke and just a huge circle jerk for Mommy Bloggers who hate being called Mommy Bloggers and want to be called real “writers.” They nominate themselves for awards and then congratulate each other on getting noticed and “building their brand.” Half of them never post and half post every day about the same stupid shit. Proof if you pay enough, you can be noticed, too!

    I’m just crossing my fingers for bed bugs.

    • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

      I’ve just nominated you for a new GOMIher award- ‘best silhouetted avatar with red background and initials that I don’t understand’. It’s very prestigious if we say it is. Good luck!!!!!111!! xoxoxoxoxox

      • avatar Lady of Shazam

        Thanks for nominating!!!!1!!! In appreciation for your vital work in building the GOMIher community, I have nominated you for the Top Community Member award. It’s because you’re an integral part of the community and can we have some more money please. Keep on posting and being a great community member. Remember, a positive comment is a good comment otherwise STFU because nobody cares about that other shit.

      • avatar Wait...What???

        I think we need an award for best use of the phrase mother fucker! Consideration will be given for creativity, repetitiveness, and phrasing.

        • avatar Lady of Shazam

          If you win, you get to do a blog post all about the honour and how much it means to you that you won, and then we send the post to a psychiatrist because if you need that much validation from the internet you’ve got problems.
          If you don’t win, you still got the lead up to the awards to spam everyone to vote for you. Everyone’s a winner, mother fuckers.

  2. avatar JalamityCane

    What a fucking joke. What bothers me more than the post itself is how all the other bloggers are commenting about how great the blogger is for sharing her wonderful wisdom with the hotel. Not a single person is calling her out for being the ass that she is.

    • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch

      People are starting to call her out now. The first nine comments or so are basically people asking if she’s for real and pointing out that shit like this is why no one takes mommy bloggers serious. Maybe they’re all hamcats, maybe just your average, ordinary joe who couldn’t care less about blogging. But at least people are saying what needs to be said. I honestly can’t tell if it was written tongue-in-cheek or if she was being serious, but I’m embarrassed for her. And the people running BlogHer should be too.

      • avatar Affiliate Lynx

        I’m glad she’s keeping the comments (for now at least) that call her out for being an entitled bitch.

  3. avatar ImplacableVulcanLogic

    Just a quick internet search pulled up the following conferences that have been or will be held at the Chicago Sheraton in 2013:
    - IEG – “Sponsorship Solutions” with speakers from Coke, Red Bull, AT&T, Visa etc. Talk about your swag potential…
    - Digital Media and Learning sponsored by the MacArthur Foundation, it will “explore the shifting contours of participatory democracy” with an emphasis on youth. I don’t need anyone to tell me why I should care about this one…
    - International Celiac Disease Symposium. Drs./nurses/researchers/educators/advocates trying to actually do something to better humanity. Now I’m in awe…

    Methinks the blogger doth protest her own importance too much.

    • avatar wooop

      oh! I want to go to celiac symopsium!

    • avatar Snarkette

      Free Coke? I’m in.

    • Early next year I’m going to a conference there for the CAA, which is the world’s biggest/most prestigious art historians’ association. These people are REAL writers, I think they would laugh down their tweed jacket sleeves at these mommy blogger types.

  4. avatar StaceyMcGill

    Bitch can’t even write correctly. Goes away.


    • avatar duffinator

      This is the best thing I’ve seen so far today. Thank you!

    • avatar The fattest fat who ever fatted

      Jesus Allah Fuck, this is The Gif to End All Gifs!

    • avatar Bertha from the attic

      This made my day! Oh, how I wish it were real.

  5. avatar BassGuitar

    There’s a trackback that appeared since I first commented. The title:

    “If Bloggers Want to Be Seen as Professionals They Can’t Write Posts Like This”

    • avatar estupendo

      Love the article and the responses about the bad behavior!

    • avatar boggymommer

      “… take their conferences in the manner in which their intended.” Uh. No. Sad because good points otherwise, but it’s hard to get past that gem in the second graph.

      • avatar JalamityCane

        She must have fixed it. I don’t mind a typo but when a blog is only typos I can’t read it.

    • avatar Affiliate Lynx

      That is fantastic.

  6. avatar Nancy Grimm

    “This may be the only 3 days a mom gets out of her house from taking care of kids for the whole year.” If you are making a living from your blog and can afford to spend money on conferences like this, I’m sure you can afford a nanny for more than 3 days a year you obnoxious twat.

    • avatar Nancy Grimm

      Erggghhh when gifs don’t work.

    • avatar StaceyMcGill

      Plus, the entitlement. Like, why is that the hotel’s problem?


      • avatar Nancy Grimm

        Yes exactly. It’s like, unless you plan on leaving a big tip for the staff (your dirty ass used clothes don’t count) and are paying for some deluxe room, calm the fuck down, you’re not that important.

  7. avatar The Old Bailey

    “Look for smart phones, iPads, Apple lap tops, and lots of texting and SQUEEING when two women meet.”
    I can’t imagine a more tiresome scene.

    • avatar Kitty Likes to Scratch

      Just imagining it gives me anxiety and re-validates my decision to never, EVER go to a BlogHer conference.

    • avatar carriefadshaw

      Yes. Because this is exactly what it’s like at every other conference for actual professionals.

      • avatar dayman

        the last time I was at the American Academy of Neurological Surgeons conference (sooo not a neurosurgeon, soooo not pretending to be, lol), it was just an orgy of gray-haired men squeeing and grabbing each other under the big portrait of Harvey Cushing.

    • avatar Extremely Large Size Medium

      Oh! You have an iPad! You must be cool and influential!

      Also, if someone I only know from the interwebs tries to SQUEEE and hug me:

    • avatar meeper

      Why do some women emit high-pitched shrieks when they encounter each other? I also find it pleasant to run into people I know unexpectedly or after not having seen them for some time, but I manage to control my pitch when expressing my happiness. Girls or teenaged girls, fine. But at some point you need to stop pulling a Zooey.

      • avatar NotThatKelly

        It reminds me of a very early episode of Friends, when Rachel meets some friends of hers from “before the wedding” and they’re squealing and hugging each other. Monica and Phoebe look at each other, and one of them says to the other “oh my god, I have elbows!” and they squeal.

        Note: I am not a shrieker, and it drives me batty.

        • avatar Nancy Grimm


          Never come at someone squeeing because chances are you will get punched in the face. If not, you should be because you are grown ass mommy bloggers.

          (Phoebe was the GREATEST character in Friends)

  8. avatar godzilla

    Well, I guess now we know who has never been to another conference. Um, the hotel knows how to cope with the swag you wasteful assholes didn’t refuse in the first place. Also, none of the staff need to know what your group is.

  9. avatar pumpkin + goat cheese got married

    moo cards are still a thing?

  10. avatar Semi Ho

    If you are just blogging about blogging and tweeting about tweeting, no one who isn’t at Blogher is going to be follwoing you anyway. I am sure there are bloggers at all the other conferences that take place at big conference hotels, but maybe those bloggers are too busy focusing on things like their actual businesses to care too much about the coffee.
    Also, isn’t all free conference coffee total crap?
    What do I know, I just go to conferences to learn stuff, suck up to judges and polticians (people who actually are influential), get continuing education credit, and pad my resume.
    You know what I don’t go to conferences for? A vacation. A girls’ getaway. Time away from my family. Getting crazy.

  11. avatar YeahRight

    Who the hell do these people think they are? They make exactly $13/month off of their blogs, excuse me, businesses and they think they are the goddamn president of the United States staying at the Four Seasons.

  12. avatar Say Rah

    This is the most ridiculous piece of garbage. She thinks the people working at the Chicago Sheraton are going to find her and her merry gang of sweeing mommies diverse and awe-inspiring because they have a little place on the internets where they showcase their mediocre food and piddly little crafts??

    Holy hell.

    Second, if you have a problem with a business, how abouts you call them up and allow them to at the very least rectify the situation like a normal adult rather than immediately going twitter-shit on them? Okay?

    • avatar Princess Hal

      You know who I find awe inspiring? A friend of mine who left her abusive husband, and supported herself and her son by cleaning hotel rooms.

      • avatar Always Hungry


        Tell your friend to go on with her bad self… good for her!!! Now THAT is “BRAVE.”

  13. avatar pineapple head

    Seriously? SERIOUSLY?
    How are these bloggers not embarrassed by their behavior?
    I’m embarrassed for them.
    I hope that next year when the people running Blogher try to find a hotel all of them say they are fully booked.

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