DIY Blogging Mommy Blogging

“The Next Martha” Will Tell You How To Treat Bloggers

Bloggers are ordering their new moo cards and dusting off their sense of entitlement in preparation for the Blogher 2013 conference. In between tweets whining about google reader and how omg summer is so hot, hundreds of middle class women are emailing any company they can think of begging for a sponsorship while others assert their expertiness by posting blog conference how-tos.

“The Next Martha” has graciously provided the Chicago Sheraton with just such a how-to guide, full of handy tips on how to treat the blogeratti:

What should I expect from bloggers?
You should expect from them as you would any other customer unless you piss them off. Then? Expect your social media to BLOW UP LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE…

Why should I care about these bloggers?
…If you just take a moment to talk to them you might find yourself inspired, in awe, laughing, and better just for meeting them…

Going on to tell the hotel that this may be the only vacation the mommies get, they are instructed to provide “the same service that you would of any customer. Again, if you don’t? You’ll pay social medially.”  In case she hadn’t made it clear that if their needs were not met the attendees would destroy them online, she went on: “Don’t water down the coffee you serve us. Don’t. We’ll hunt you down and kill you with hashtags.”

Her fangirls immediately began tweeting a link to the page at the Chicago Sheraton, presumably to give them a little taste of what they would have to #dealwith from these women if they didn’t put on their #bloggerisalwaysright faces. I kind of don’t get the point of that post other than as a way to repeatedly threaten the hotel with twitbombing if the bloggers weren’t treated like a pack of breastfeeding, apple product sporting Jolie-Pitts. Is this who bloggers think they are now?

  1. avatar Sookie


    Entitled people are such buttholes.

    • The best part is where she’s talking about how they get SO MUCH SWAG that she actually left a three foot tall pile of it in her closet for housekeeping to just keep. I mean…


      • avatar maude lebowski


      • avatar Wildcard, Bitches! (aka Jinxy)

        Here’s to hoping that wasn’t the “tip” that she graciously left for the hardworking housekeeping staff.

      • avatar Skipper

        And housekeeping could absolutely not keep any of it anyway. Just like they can’t keep the cell phone I left behind or any other guest possessions. Perhaps she was envisioning a scene from that crappy J Lo maid movie where they dance around with the guests’ belongings.

        • avatar JalamityCane

          Are housekeeping supposed to whoop and holler because someone left behind a mouse pad and some hand sanitizer?

    • avatar Affiliate Lynx

      Victoria, post phone-call:

  2. avatar Waffles & Wool

    I am amazed that the phrase “social medially” has actually entered anybody’s consciousness.

    • avatar Misty

      Me too. I kept reading it as “menially” (as in menial).

      • avatar Miss Noir

        “Menially” is more apropos. I really doubt some mid-western hausfrau’s twitter rage at slow room service will impact the bottom line of the Chicago Sheraton (where I have stayed a few times and attended many conferences and they are clearly adept).

        The level of self importance these women carry around like fake Louis Vuitton purses is just staggering.

        This is why people do not consider any of you “professional” in any sense of the word. Idiots.

    • avatar italltasteslikechicken

      Oh good, I thought it was a word that I’d somehow never heard of and I was feeling sort of dumb. Now I just feel dumb that I thought that.

    • avatar 26 Garlics

      Given “medial” means “middle”, it’s rather appropriate. These bloggers are universally middle of the road, uninspiring, and unimportant, despite their best efforts to scramble to the top of the dungheap. And FFS, bloggers, stop bastardising the English language like that!

    • avatar ihavecats

      Yeah. It makes NO SENSE.

    • avatar NotThatKelly

      Glad to know I’m not the only one who did a double take on that particular choice of words.

      • avatar heddy

        I actually made sure my eyes weren’t accidentally crossed when I read that. WTH??

  3. avatar PeterPeterPumpkinEater

    What a stupid motherfucking waste of space. SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH. If I was the Chicago Sheraton, I’d put them on some crazy “don’t allow this person” to my hotel list. Then I’d hashtag it on social media. #crazypsychobitch

    • avatar chaste sundress

      That would be awesome if it actually happened.

      • This reminds me of how some Yelpers can be. They drop the Yelp warning when they go out, to make sure they get comped something. It’s diabolical.

    • avatar Annalisa


      After reading the above snippets I was like “are you fucking kidding me?”.

  4. avatar BassGuitar

    It’s so vulgar. If I was a blogger going to that conference, I’d be embarrassed to be associated with it.

    How about being gracious that the staff is hosting your conference? The average employee doesn’t know who these people are. They just know that they need to get a coffee setup outside ballroom B by 7 am.

    • But if they would take the time to find out who they are, they would be better for it!

    • avatar Zesty

      Also! Inspired and in awe.

      • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

        And laughing.

        Which is probably true.

        As in “Jaysus, Nora, you won’t believe the mother-lovin’ queef in 15-C!”

    • avatar Pink Palatian

      I went to BlogHer exactly once, in 2009. It was at the same hotel.

      I’ve never met more ego-driven swag-whoring people in my entire life. There was zero friendliness or camaraderie (despite the woo woo! nature that BlogHer tries to promote, as though All Womenz are welcome) and I was disgusted at how so many women were there just to get as much free stuff as possible (some even bringing MULTIPLE suitcases with them to bring said swag home).

      I think this woman is representative of the average BlogHer attendee. I doubt anyone is embarrassed by her behavior; they’re all probably doing the online mommy equivalent of fist-bumping her.

      • avatar Ham In The Place Where You Live

        I attended BlogHer exactly once because several sessions sounded potentially useful and because I thought maybe I’d learn how to bring my blog more readers. They were bait-and-switch titles, though; the actual programs had little to nothing to do with the alleged topics.
        I heard women bitch about companies not sending them enough stuff. I heard a panelist explain how to get on the right mailing lists to get a ton of stuff to “review” on their sites. I heard bloggers boast about how they intimidated publicists to get more more more freebies.
        I’m about to sound like a huge bitch here, but…It was like summer camp for mommy bloggers. Squealing, hugging, clique-ing, immature Mean Girls grabbing as much stuff as they could from the booths staffed by people wearing frozen smiles.
        One booth employee offered me Product XYZ. “Thank you, but I got one yesterday,” I replied. She insisted I take another because I’d been honest. Some of the women came by repeatedly, she says, even though their product was fairly pricey — and if they tried to say things like, “I’m afraid we have to limit XYZ to one per customer” the women would say, “I haven’t gotten one yet!” and get real pissy.
        “When you know that just five minutes ago you gave them one,” she said. “I recognize these individuals. They’re just greedy.”
        No doubt there were some women there who, like me, thought they might actually learn something. I will never go back. It was a huge waste of my time.
        Why do these people think they’re so important? Who really cares about their opinions? Heck, one blogger I met told me she gets paid $500 and up for “reviews.”
        How can you get PAID for a review? I asked. If they’re paying you then you are compromised.
        “Well, I give my honest opinion,” she said.
        But they’re PAYING you….
        “I say what I like about the product and sometimes I even criticize it.”
        But they’re giving you MONEY to run a piece….Oh, never mind.

        • avatar lawmom

          Why do they think they’re important is the 64,000 question, ain’t it?

      • avatar JalamityCane

        Unfortunately I have to go to BlogHer every year and I’m sorry to say they haven’t changed at all. I read somewhere that BlogHer gets a bad reputation because of some of the people who attend but they can change that. Management can make it so it’s an important educational experience and that it’s not celebration of swag but they won’t because they know they won’t have the same numbers if they do. The bloggers who give BlogHer this reputation are assholes and they’re so asshole-y they can’t even see how they’re ruining their own reputations.

        It’s a big clique. No one gives me the time of day until I mention who I work for and then they all start tossing business cards across the table at me like they’re dealing out a hand of five card stud. They don’t take the time to tell me much about themselves, they just deal out their cards.

        I go to about a dozen blog conferences each year but I dread going to BlogHer the most.

        • avatar generic_username

          I think it would be so awesome if you sat there with a tiny shredder and as they tossed their cards at you, expressionleslsy run them through the shredder into a garbage can.

          • avatar generic_username

            me spel gud.

          • avatar ImNotHealthy

            THAT would be awesome!

          • avatar JalamityCane

            Just put “tiny shredder” on my shopping list.

          • avatar smallthingssmallminds

            Holy shit I hope you get paid well to endure that! Are you ever tempted to throw the card back at them and say “no thanks I’ve tried hard to read your blog but I’m not fluent in assholeanese”?

            • avatar JalamityCane

              I have to be nice and polite, but when my team and I get back to the office we bring out the big ashtray and have a business card burning ceremony and burn cards of the bloggers who acted like asses (which is most of them).

              • avatar rosieposie

                I’m pretending that your username is a tribute to Danity Kane, fyi.

        • avatar I Call BS

          “It’s a big clique. No one gives me the time of day until I mention who I work for and then they all start tossing business cards across the table at me like they’re dealing out a hand of five card stud. They don’t take the time to tell me much about themselves, they just deal out their cards.”


      • You mean you weren’t in the elevator selfie pic with Kelle Hampton?! So much sistah-hood!

      • avatar Kind Of Not A Big Deal

        I’ve had a long career and the opportunity to attend parties and conventions with judges, senators, etc. I can hold my own in conversation, okay? I got a job in NYC while attending a convention there.

        The two most miserable events I’ve ever attended were Blogher and my high school’s 20th reunion. I tried to strike up conversations with many different people and groups only to be mostly ignored. People would OPENLY discuss how much fun they had at Mighty Girl’s or Nikon or Diva Cup’s exclusive party the night before in front of people who had not been invited.

        The “big” bloggers all had entourages and would say hello and move on as fast as possible.

        NEVER AGAIN.

        • avatar Ham In The Place Where You Live

          Ditto! When I spoke pleasantly to BlogHer attendees in lines or in elevators, they first looked at my name tag (“What can this woman do for me?”) and then either looked right through me or nodded/grunted and made eye contact with someone else so as to squeal and hug and say, “Did you stop by the Product ABC table? So much good stuff there!” or “I got invited to the Yabba-Dabba-Do party, wanna come with?”
          Gaaahhhhh…..I’m still irritated about spending the money to go, even though it was a business expense. Never. Freakin’. Again.

          • avatar zumpie

            So it’s basically like high school? Or some of the corporations I’ve worked for? Figured.

  5. avatar Marceline

    Why didn’t she warn them about the bed-jumping-upon, cheeseburger-hat-wearing, cake-smashing, drunken hordes? Instead of “Make sure you don’t water down or coffee!” and “be ready for us to breastfeed!” it should have been “We are all here to get really drunk and scream a lot. Please instruct your security guards to leave us alone because we’ll just mock them and keep doing whatever the fuck we want anyway. And if we break stuff or mess anything up, that’s your problem! #yolo #mommysvacation #avitablecancometoo”

    • avatar Bene_Gesserit

      That was exactly the thought I had. I worked as a maid once and women en masse away from their kids/husbands are a NIGHTMARE second only to Frat boys.

      • avatar JalamityCane

        Because everything that goes wrong is the hotel’s fault. Bloggers are perfect and everyone must kiss their asses.

    • avatar Doodles

      People still wear bag hats there? WOW.

      • avatar Marceline

        Oh yes. Although they now have “contests” for who can make the fanciest McDonald’s Bag Hat.

        Does anyone remember the one year that they were Burger King bags?

    • avatar zumpie

      The coffee comment says buckets—-as a former catering director for an upscale boutique brand, I can assure you ALL conference coffee sucks ass. If she’s really so concerned, she needs to visit the nearest Starbuck’s (or whatever) and buy a decent cappuccino—–because she won’t be finding it at their 11AM refresh. And she should already know that.

  6. avatar Misty

    “I called the Chicago Sheraton and spoke to a Ms. Victoria (who was very helpful and nice btw) and though small talk realized that she (and others at the hotel) didn’t know what Blogher was.


    Oh my.”


    • I always find it hilarious when bloggers are reminded that there are whole huge groups of the world’s population who have no fucking idea who they are or what a blog is.

      • avatar Meh

        ….or we know and just don’t give a shit

        • avatar DoubleEntendre

          Yes. Hey, self-important bloggers:


        • avatar swimminginvinegar

          My husband gave me a book for Mother’s Day. “The Idiot’s Guide to Mommy Blogging.” Because “you read all those blogs and stuff.”


          Me afterwards.

          Because its stupid and they should have NO influence.

          (I explained to my husband I don’t read the blogs. I just read GOMI)

    • avatar DoubleEntendre


    • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

      I just dialed the White House, the Pentagon and the UN and they never heard of you either.

      That Edward Snowden chap must be full of shit or something.

    • avatar lalalalu

      During the summers I work at an upscale restaurant in a tourist area and take reservations. If a blogger called me and tried to make a big deal about themselves or if I found out they wrote a post like this, I would go out of my way to make sure every single person on staff treated them like someone who walked in off the street. They deserve no special treatment.

      Also, it’s the fucking Sheraton. If a bunch of these nobody mommy bloggers at this stupid conference tried to start a social media brouhaha, I highly doubt it would effect their brand. GOMI.

      • avatar Annalisa

        Exactly. That post speaks more volumes about her lack of class than anything else.

  7. avatar BassGuitar

    Have to add that this chick is a NOBODY. 134 posts over three years? She averages 3 posts per month.

    My tips for nobody bloggers staying in a hotel once each year: understand that you are ONE guest of thousands the hotel will see that day. You are not entitled to more than the business traveler who stays in a hotel 280 nights per year. If anything, THEY get more than little, frumpy you. And you can go have the sads on your blog that nobody reads.

    • #shewillblowupyourtwitter #influential

      • avatar smallthingssmallminds

        Haha #bringyouragamebitch #twitterhastwot’s #thisisnotasponsoredpostforpoorqualityfemininehygeineproducts

        What a douche!!??

      • avatar Zandra

        #whatanentitledcunt #socialmedially

      • avatar smallthingssmallminds

        #justgotfucktardupgrade #smokingroomwithsinglebedandnowindowssharedbathroom #3hourroomservicedelayonarrival #complimentarydirtysheets #freepubecoveredsoap #wifiblackspot #crackofdawncheckout #poorlystockedminibar #enjoyyourstaywithfuckyoublognobodyfromsheratoninternational

    • avatar Hillary

      Oh, my god. I hadn’t clicked over yet–I thought Not Martha wrote this and was bummed b/c she seems somewhat with-it. Next Martha I’ve never heard of.

      Sidebar: the Sheration is really close to my work. I’m going to have to figure out the date of this thing and work from home during it.

      • avatar Affiliate Lynx

        Me too, Hillary! I thought it was Not Martha and was a wee bit sad.

      • avatar Hillary

        Uh, Sheraton not Sheration (whateverthatmeans).

      • avatar mollycharlotte

        I dare you a box of Franzia and half a ham* to go get ONE drink in the bar lobby on Friday of the conference. And then report back. I won’t even demand photographic evidence.

        *I ate the other half. sssf.

    • avatar chaste sundress

      Seriously. Conference venue hotels in Chicago run circles around these types of people daily. Sheraton ain’t got time for any nonsense.

    • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch


  8. avatar JonHamm'sJohnHam

    I can’t wait for the pseudo-celeb’ing of bloggers trend to self implode. NO1CURR. Also, this chick is a nobody and the only reason she’s going to this conference is because she paid $$$. Hi, it’s not like you’re hosting a forum or teaching people how to crochet reusable toilet paper, or whatever these shitty bloggers do at these circlejerks. Shutthefuckup

    • avatar Slinky

      Hello, I love you.


      • avatar StaceyMcGill

        Who is that? I need to spiritually molest him immediately.

        • avatar not a cat

          Jon Hamm (mad men) , and is he eating ham? That is awesome.

        • avatar HipsterCupcake

          John Hamm eating ham! Mad Men star and man of my spiritual molesting fantasies.

      • avatar otown

        Jon Hamm’s John Ham!

      • avatar NotThatKelly

        I love this one so much. If y’all will excuse me please, I will be in my bunk.

        • avatar snoogerbot

          I’ve seen photos where his Hamm-bone is quite prominently on display, should anyone be interested. If not, please ignore the link….the http link.

          • There is an entire tumblr dedicated to his penis. There really is something for everyone on the internet.

            • avatar snoogerbot

              Amazing, isn’t it. I used to work with a woman who always looked at men’s crotches and remarked on the remarkable. When a name was mentioned, it was all over for me – couldn’t look at their faces and didn’t care to look at the area being touted. I was too busy working to think of this stuff…still am and I work with about 125 guys who are trades workers.

  9. avatar Meh

    Legit LOL
    Who do these assholes think they are? HAHAHAHAH

  10. avatar Babby Forming Despite Life-Threatening Heels


    • avatar Wonton Disregard

      Disapproving grandmothers are the worst. They can tear you in half with just the smallest judgmental shaking of the head. They are all powerful.

  11. avatar Christ on a Cracker

    Well, we know who’s going to get all their meals spat in, don’t we?

  12. avatar Amie Watchagonnadew

    I suppose Maytagate is what has set the stage for these kinds of attitudes-along with the Catherine Connors and Anissa Mayhew scuttlebuts. The “customer is always right” philosophy also influences this type of thinking. Common decency and reasonableness are right out the window.

  13. avatar Shelly

    IN AWE???? Bitch, please!

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