Mommy Blogging

Sami Would Like You To Buy Her A New Baby

Sami Rigelsky, “powerful prayer warrior“, is a mother of six and the alleged “bff” of the morally upright MckMama. Determined to adopt a Down Syndrome child, she was delighted when her husband saw a child in his Facebook feed – “As soon as I saw her I knew. I cried. I knew.”

The question that instantly rose to the surface was “How on EARTH will we afford this?” An adoption from her country is upwards into 31 THOUSAND dollars. We don’t have that in the bank. :) That’s when we know God spoke to our hearts that it will have to be of and from HIM. We had to step out, in faith, and let Him do His thing. So, we sent in an application to her government for pre-approval. We heard back on the 4th day that it was a YES!!!

Yes, without any funds prepared the couple applied for the child anyway – because why do any financial planning whatsoever when you can beg your facebook pals for the money?

I have 1473 Facebook friends. If every one of them gave $21.20 to our adoption fund, we’d be at our goal…when we first felt called to Ava I said that I wasn’t even concerned with the money.

Sami’s statements that “Countless times I have seen Him provide the way where there is NO other way” and that “He has said that He WILL meet our needs according to HIS riches” come on the heels of a post begging people to buy t-shirts or alternately to “please feel free to donate through the ADOPTION FUND button also located to the right”.

I’m aware that adoption is an expensive prospect and that nowadays it’s common practice to ask the internet to fund your life choices. But maybe you should save up a bit on your own before asking strangers to pay for a seventh child from a foreign country?




  1. avatar PotatoesandHam

    According to her blog:
    “As long as I can remember I've wanted to adopt. It's always been a part of me.”
    And,
    “I've looked for the last couple of years online at children overseas that were orphaned and in need of a family. Always children with Downs. Many times (probably weekly) I would show Joe another child.”
    And yet she is unprepared financially to do this thing she’s *always wanted to do*?
    Sounds like a bored mom who wants some attention.
    And if she always wanted to adopt, why the heck did she have so many biological kids?
    Ugh. GOMI, lady. Go and make some of your own money so you can afford to adopt like you’ve always wanted for as long as you can remember.

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  2. avatar dietcherrycoke

    It's weird because I tried to adopt a handbag from a foreign country (Italy) and, like, none of my Facebook friends wanted to give me any money for it and I only needed like $3 from each of them. So, I'm sure the Lord just didn't want me to carry Balenciaga. God bless.

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    • avatar Sloane Peterson

      Dead!! Bury me in your Balenciaga bag.

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      • avatar Sloane Peterson

        P.S. The God Bless is the best part. I'm still laughing.

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    • avatar Wonton Disregard

      I also have a desperate desire to adopt a Hermes Kelly bag so I can give her the home and the lifestyle she deserves. One where she is shown off daily to the public, kept luxurious with slatherings of leather preservative, and put to bed in a luxurious silken bed sack.

      Maybe we could combine our efforts raising money by starting a blog and crowdsourcing, planning our visitation to Italy to pick out our lovelies, and coordinating future playdates?

      We really should visit Rome, Milan, Florence, Venice and Capri at least to make sure we cover all the bases and find the bag that needs us the most.

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      • avatar dietcherrycoke

        Also, if it doesn't work out, you can just resell it on eBay. So it, too, can find its "forever home."

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        • *annnnnnd...I'm dead*

          N1Sdo.gif

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          • avatar snoogerbot

            Not fair, at work, eyes streaming, ugly laughing/crying from laughter.

            Thank you - made my day - comments and puppy tail wagging.

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    • I have terrible tacky taste I guess. I like Fendi baguettes :(

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      • avatar Wonton Disregard

        Oh, lets all go! Any Italian bag is a bag in need of a good home full of love and leather conditioner.

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      • I bought one out of the trunk of a Buick once. That was before Facebook so I had to pay for it myself :(

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        • Are you sure it wasn't stolen? I hear there are underground rings that traffic in stolen purse adoptions.

          Sorry I'm watching that "Stolen Child" movie on Lifetime right now.

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          • avatar Wonton Disregard

            If they steal my purse, I will find them and I will kill them.
            tumblr_m01823Kmr91qe2ptv.jpg

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          • avatar Loamy Loamster

            @partypants:
            Did you catch "The Surrogate" prior to "Stolen Child"? That one ruled! (All my mancat and I do,on Sundays is sprawl on the couch and watch LMN.)

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            • The Surrogate Trap or something? Of course I did. I found it lacked the subtle nuance of Maternal Instinct in the "baby crazy women lifetime movie" genre, but the predictable death of the psycho was very "ugh finally!" So overall, B+

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              • avatar MoscowMule

                The Surrogacy Trap is solid. When a plotline incorporates chloroform-soaked rags, you know it's quality entertainment.

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              • avatar Judgyjudgementaljudger

                @partypants: and, dead.

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              • avatar Loamy Loamster

                @partypants: @partypants:

                Ooh, adding Maternal Instinct to my wish list...

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              • There's another one I can't remember the name of - but basically the woman was infertile and pretended to be pregnant, then befriended a pregnant neighbor intending to rip her baby out when she got near full term. That one, Maternal Instinct, and Surrogacy Trap are now my Crazy Baby Ladies Lifetime Movie Triple Header. They should put them in a box set, it'd make a great baby shower gift.

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              • avatar watery highball

                @partypants: I only read PP's last comment in this thread and not the others, so imagine my shock when I thought she was talking about a blog until I got to the word "movie"!

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              • avatar DoubleEntendre

                "Womb Raider," "Dying for a Baby," "Empty Cradle," "Cries in the Dark," so many possible movies this could be. Did it have Kate Jackson in it?

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            • avatar DrunkKitty

              Those damn Lifetime movies are such a time suck. So bad, but so good, like sucking Franzia straight from the teat. I'm a sucker for all the ones about eating disorders. Especially nice while eating a whole ham.

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    • avatar sb

      You win everything. All the things, everywhere.

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  3. avatar LaLaLou

    Has GOMI jumped the shark. Seriously? I don't know this woman from Adam so if this lady is really insufferable on another level, than fine. But on the face of what was presented here it sounds like she's just trying to raise money to adopt a child, which is relatively common in Christian circles. I get the calling BS about "God will provide by y'all chipping in" bc, well, that sounds like BS to me, but as someone who grew up with a domestically adopted sister with special needs I just can't find a lot to snark about this. My dad was a pastor and we sure as hell didn't adopt for "attention" or Jesus points or whatever. (Yeah those Christians they are the WORST. They can be so altruistic and shit, they must ALL BE FAKE!/sarcasm). And while I can appreciate that this lady's online appeal was super tacky; it is possible that this was just in bad taste and she isn't the WORST MOTHER EVAH! The pearl clutching y'all are doing is getting SUPER old.

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    • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

      Maybe she jumped the shark putting up websites to raise 31K before they knew if they would even qualify after a home study.

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    • avatar KAS

      Financially unstable people begging for money for unclear purposes (like, the adoption of a child it's not really clear you're eligible to adopt in the first place) are a favorite GOMI target.

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    • avatar Sump Pump

      Who here used the words WORST MOTHER EVAH?

      Besides you, I mean.

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    • avatar NonBloggerMommy

      I think plenty of valid points have been raised here, some by people who seem pretty intimately acquainted with the international adoption process.

      I've been fortunate enough to know several people in my lifetime who fostered/adopted special needs children, though almost all of the ones I know did so domestically. None of them feel the need to pat themselves on the back for being drawn to this particular type of child in need. Everything she posts about the subject smacks of attention-seeking and LOOK WHAT A GOOD PERSON I AM, DONATE TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T JUST WANT TO GIVE ANY OLD KID A HOME BUT ONE WITH DOWN'S BECAUSE I AM JUST THAT GODLY.

      It was seriously like reading a post ghostwritten by MckMama. It had all of her grift-y hallmarks.

      No one's snarking her just for wanting to adopt or even because of the fundraising so much as:

      a) The timeline shows that they've put all of 4 days into the process which means they couldn't possibly have all of the necessary documentation they need and they are already soliciting donations for something they don't even know that they are qualified for. Most of the fundraising efforts I've come across has been for families that have already met all of the necessary qualifications and has sunk quite a bit of time and their own money into the process.
      b) Speaking of which, her calculations seem to indicate that she expects her FB followers to bankroll the entire operation with no out of pocket from her.
      c) This is something that she has had in mind for over 2 years now and yet she's (admittedly) not put any thought into the financing, let alone started working on it. She even says in the most recent post that she didn't worry about the money and she basically expects God to provide via donations, which is basically the most shameless guilt trip people on the Internet resort to.

      Not to mention, the entire thing makes me terribly uncomfortable due to overt exploitation of an underprivileged toddler. That in and of itself is incredibly GOMI-worthy.

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    • avatar Fart in a mitten

      My brother was adopted... and my parents managed to do it without begging on Facebook for it!! Crazy right? Paying for your own family, what a concept!

      jump-the-shark.gif

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      • avatar Urethra Franklin

        JFC (no pun intended) that is the best gif ever in the entire history of best gifs ever.

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    • avatar AQNR

      "Relatively common in Christian circles"---not in my Christian circles, it's not. Fundraising for an adoption is a good sign you don't have the financial resources you need to adopt.

      I get that this particular child isn't ever going to leave an orphanage in China unless through international adoption, given her special needs, but maybe some other adoptive parents would have more to give her (certainly financially, but maybe in other ways, too) than folks with six other children and no money?

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    • avatar LickedRandisCake

      What I find so awful about her plea is that she did all of her Facebook friends the kind favor of
      calculating for them the amount they could each pay to make HER dream come true. And then so
      decided that was such a small amount for them to each chip in. In a "come on guys, this would
      be so easy for you all to do for me", kind of way.

      Sorry, but that was just beyond the beyond for me.

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      • avatar NonBloggerMommy

        @LickedRandisCake: Sadly. that seems to be becoming more of a trend. Attention whore wanting big-ticket item counts followers and divides price by them and then makes an "observation". It is beyond tacky.

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  4. avatar Liminal

    Is there a legal difference between international adoption fraud and child trafficking? Do these overlap?

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  5. avatar JuliasTooSmallTutu

    Bloggers adopting kids just to use them as accessories in photos? Five years ago that would have surprised me, now it barely rates a raised eyebrow.

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  6. avatar R Squared

    Does anyone know if it would even be likely that she would get approved for adoption since she has so many damn kids already. Is that something that's taken into consideration in China?

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  7. avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

    Wonder how long before she posts "My heart is heavy and I need your prayers and $$support. We are being attacked by SATAN! Yes, mean people are saying ugly things! Satan has them. We need to pray. Please send $30 to us so Joe can pray that the meanies get freed from Satan"

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    • avatar DoubleEntendre

      THIRTY BUCKS? Why waste a blog post on a mere $30? As for the whining about the mean people: cue dat in 3....2.....1....

      tumblr_m8r51qHDZ71qaa50k.gif

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  8. avatar AndaPanda

    I find nothing wrong with a couple fundraising to adopt a special needs child. Kids need to be loved.

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    • avatar Wait...What???

      Fund raising is a garage sale.....a hosted dinner...as mentioned by someone here. Fund raising is not telling your fb friends to all send $21.20. IMHO

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      • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

        Or a fund raising by taking your oh-so-creative-photos* for a special price.

        *You know the type 20 years from now the person who had them made will go "WTF was I thinking?"

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      • In my opinion it would have been fine as I said earlier to do a "friends only" fb post asking them to chip in 20 bucks apiece and privately spread the word to other friends, or to even have a post once in a while on their existing primary facebook account mentioning they were adopting and could use some donations and prayers.

        But starting a whole new facebook page, blog, and having a custom logo and tshirts made after just seeing a picture on a feed and getting permission to TRY? That's not fundraising, that's a branding campaign with a paypal button. Sorry if I find that incredibly tacky and attention-whorish and worth asking 'wtf is this woman thinking with this dog and pony show', but it doesn't mean I think kids don't deserve to be loved.

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        • avatar NonBloggerMommy

          Not to mention, actually ASKING, not blatantly hinting so that people feel obligated without you even having the decency to just ask. If anyone I knew did something like that, they wouldn't get a dime from me no matter who they were though I will give just about anything to anyone who asks.

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    • avatar Sister Friend

      So, you would love to be known your whole life as a a community charity case, to have strangers feel like they had a personal investment in you and everything you do? To feel beholden, like you aren't allowed to ever have a negative emotion, ever, or express any remorse over your adoption because so many people paid so much money for it? To feel enormous pressure to be perfect in every way, in order to pay everybody back? If the International Adoption community has learned anything about how fundraising for the fees impacts children, it has come at the emotional expense of adult Korean adoptees - the first wave of widescale international adoptions. We know how adoptees feel about it, because now they write books, memoirs, blogs about it, and make documentaries.

      Kids need to be loved. Of course. But they don't need to be made to feel like a charity case. That isn't love.

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      • avatar Liminal

        I appreciate reading about the adopted child's point of view. Thanks.

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      • avatar Ridiculicious

        @Sister Friend:

        I particularly liked this comment, posted in the thread you linked to:

        It’s an ethical question, but that doesn’t mean there’s no line. It’s just harder to draw. To me personally, that would be like begging. Fundraising in is for charity. That’s the whole idea of it. You do it to raise funds for a school in an Anfrican Village or a SOS Children’s village or clean water for ophanages in China or a goat for a poor African family. You even might raise funds for a school thing at your childrens’ school. But your own child is no charity case. May it never be!"

        This is the way I feel too. Fundraising for yourself is just tacky and wrong, and the absolute only reason I would ever be caught doing it is if my son was dying and I needed money for treatment that I didn't have. In those circumstances, I would have no shame, I would beg strangers everywhere.

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    • avatar AndaPanda

      @AndaPanda: A woman is going through great lengths to adopt a special needs child. The fact that she's asking for donations probably means that she doesn't care what anyone thinks. I don't see the problem...

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      • avatar Urethra Franklin

        @AndaPanda: If she "doesn't care what anyone thinks" she wouldn't be posting in this thread multiple times asking to be "left in peace".

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      • @AndaPanda: The kid may one day care...

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      • avatar NonBloggerMommy

        If she can't afford to adopt the child, she probably can't afford to take care of her and that is a huge problem.

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      • avatar chuggy

        if she was "going through great lengths" she would stop begging and mayhaps save some of her own cash? just mayhaps?

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  9. avatar mellyj1987

    I donated $5 once to a woman claiming her family was trying to bring home a little girl from China. It was the whole JESUS WILL PROVIDE story. They ended up never pursuing the adoption and going on a bunch of vacations. I called her out on it and I was attacked by white knights. I don't care about the $5, but I don't understand how people are willing to take so much money from people without considering that maybe the adoption may not work out. I hope this woman is keeping tracking of names+donations and that she will return the money if things fall through.

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  10. avatar empanadas

    Why are they calling her Ava?

    The little girl is 4, I'm assuming she has her own name and identifies with it already.

    I understand adopting a baby who doesn't know they have a name yet and giving them a different one, but it feels wrong to me when the kid is a little older and have a sense of who they are.

    I also understand that they want her to "fit in" with the family, but deciding to wash away her Chinese background within a few days of selecting her online because she had a cute photo does not sit well with me.

    I also really don't like the fact that her photo is online and she's not even adopted yet.

    This whole thing just seems selfish to me.

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    • avatar Ridiculicious

      @empanadas:

      It makes me ten shades of ragey that she's already changed that little girl's name. The fucking nerve of this woman.

      To me, this is more proof that the child is window dressing to her. She's got a vision of how everything should look, and obviously Chai-Ying, or Yei-Wei, or whatever her real name is - doesn't fit into the story.

      Why in the world would you strip a four year old of her true identity???

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    • avatar Babby Forming, Despite Life-Threatening Heels

      @empanadas: A+ to all of this.

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    • avatar KERFETUS

      I think it's weird when people change the names of animals they adopt from the shelter, so I don't even know what to make of renaming 1) a child 2) who you have never met and 3) basically know nothing about 4) with a name you picked out 5) unrelated to the child's home country, nationality, heritage, et al. SFSS if eight other people already said this.

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    • avatar kathy

      I am from Panama, and a family member recently adopted a 4y/old, the normal process here is that the childs name has to be changed, to give them a new identity with their new life. So they legally changed the boys name when the
      adoption became legal. According to the childrens psychologyst/ case worker asigned to the case it is normal procedure.

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  11. avatar Plus Size Mom Jeans

    “Countless times I have seen Him provide the way where there is NO other way” and that “He has said that He WILL meet our needs according to HIS riches” come on the heels of a post begging people to buy t-shirts or alternately to “please feel free to donate through the ADOPTION FUND button also located to the right”

    if you need to beg for the money, maybe God is telling you to stop adopting kids and take care of the kids you already have, you babycrazy jesusfreak.

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  12. avatar Sarah

    UnOrphan? Oh sweet baby jesus....... Is this the new guilt inducing phrase those who ask for help adopting are going to be using? Wow.

    Christians aren't usually ok with spreading the $$ around but they will always do it if it means increasing their numbers with tiny children who cannot object and can be easily indoctrinated. Poor Ava. Oh, did you see that's not her name by the way. Sami said that in her most recent post. She' just named the blog that and made t-shirts that said that and made a facebook page with that name but that's not really the name they are going to call her. She's not THAT stupid. Not like she posted the kids photo or anything.

    Oh wait.......

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  13. avatar Joe Rigelsky

    Hey guys thanks for all the attention today. My life has always been an open book so you haven't exposed anything that our friends, employers, etc. don't already know. But here is some clarity; yes when I was 17 I cashed some checks for a friend who was stealing them from his dad unbenounced to me. ( he told me they were work checks) never the less the less the out one was a misdemeanor. I haven't had a single run in with the law sense aside for some moving violations and a failure to provide proof of insurance while driving in Minnesota. When Sami and I were 24 we filed for bankruptcy I had a huge load of medical bills from being uninsured prior to marriage and it was a decision that we sought council on ( hindsight I might have done it different ). To cover some Mistruths we've never lost a home to foreclosure we were never even close. We owned a property with another couple who after a year couldn't afford their half we struggled for 6 months but we rallied back and kept the house for an additional 2 years having just sold it 8 months ago (no short sale) in return we just purchased a new home at 3.4% interest ( not bad for a couple you claim to be hard up). On another note I have been un-employees for less than 6 months since I was 17 and that was 2010 do some investigating that year in May my father committed suicide of which I payed all funeral expenses, I had a kidney stroke (renal infarct) spent 40 days in and out of the hospital until I was diagnosed with a rare blood clotting disorder, Sami spent 20 days in the hospital at 5 1/2 centimeters with our son Oxton. I have been a very successful man all of my life as a commodities broker and sales mgr. it was 2007 when I was asked to go into full time ministry which had its different rewards than money and God has been very good to us through that.i

    I am sorry if in someway our choice to adopt has offended you, or if our having friends and famy willing to help us make this happen financially has caused you to think less of us. We make good money, pay our taxes, and all around good people, you have hurt my wife deeply today and I know this will pass, but ou guys really need to think these things true before you just go out to intentially cause hurt to people. My wife works hard and deserves better, she is an incredible mother, wife, friend and photographer. Anyone of you would be proud to call her friend.

    Joe

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    • avatar Plus Size Mom Jeans

      Hi Joe,

      Apparently you've made some bad decisions which have resulted in disastrous financial consequences for you and your family, and you have some serious health issues which may hamper your ability to care for seven children. Making bad decisions without considering the consequences seems to be a recurring theme in your life.

      Instead of begging the Internet for money to buy another baby, perhaps you should focus on taking care of your health and the children you already have.

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    • avatar Liminal

      No. I would not be proud to call her my friend. My friends value critical thinking.

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    • What the fuck is "unbenounced"? Were you trying to say "unbeknownst" or are you using a word from urban dictionary that I'm unable to find?

      Seriously I hope you're drunk or high, dude, because between the spelling and grammar and random confusing use of punctuation this comment makes barely any damn sense.

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      • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

        That means G-d didn't call him to tell him!

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      • I actually thought it was you writing it as a joke.

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      • avatar Wait...What???

        @partypants: I was going to say I hope he is the victim of a lot of auto correction.

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    • avatar J

      Joe, I commend your openness as I know there has been a lot of speculation (some fair, some unfair) about your family due to your wife's former blog and her continued association with Jennifer McKinney. I also wish you luck in your attempt to adopt a child in need, although based on what you and your wife have said about your finance I hope that you will spend more time saving and planing for what will quickly turn into a lifelong commitment and ongoing expense for your family. The fact that you have turned to others to cover you initial expenses shows that this financial obligation is clearly not within your means at this time. I hope that you are able to help Ava find the right family for her sake.

      I had some real unkind reality checks for you and your wife to say after this, but I deleted them. I'll just say these:

      Sami - you reap what you sow, and nothing has happened to you that you haven't done to others.

      Joe - you were a successful commodities broker all of your life, yet you declared bankruptcy at age 24 and quit that job at age 28?

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    • The reality is that anything you put on the internet is fair game for criticism. You being offended by something doesn't make it wrong. It's your choice to read this site or ignore it.

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    • avatar Sister Friend

      Joe, I don't know how to break this to you, but being 'good people' isn't a thing you designate yourself as, it is a thing other people know you as. We are other people, and many of us, myself included, would never consider you or your wife 'good people'.

      Because here's the thing. You and your wife put a site up on the internet to beg people for money so that you could fulfill her dream. HER dream. That whole post on your wife's blog, about how she looked at pictures of orphans with DS on her computer for years, and dreamed about adopting a DS baby, and what she really wanted was a DS baby? That is what she wants, for her.

      But nowhere on your blog do you mention what Ava might want, or need. Maybe what a 4 year old DS kid who doesn't speak English doesn't need is to be adopted by a white family that doesn't speak Mandarin and has the chaos associated with having 6 kids already. Maybe she needs a smaller family, a parent who speaks her language, a family plugged in to the kind of occupational, educational, and emotional therapies she will require. She might be your dream, but you two seem clueless about the fact that she is a real human being, with real wants and needs, and that in adoption, the only wants and needs that matter, always, are the child's. And nothing you have written addresses her needs as if she were a person at all. An object, to be acquired? Yes. A person? Not at all.

      I wouldn't be proud to call your wife my friend. My friends are resolutely ethical, exceedingly kind, and put everyone else's needs before their own.

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      • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

        +31,000!!! Love your comment!

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      • avatar honey badger dont care

        THIS. EXACTLY. Joe, you and Sami need some serious help, and I don't mean $31,000 to adopt a baby with DS. I mean of the head shrinking, trick cyclist, get the fuck over yourselves kind.

        That child is a CHILD. Who is going to have a lot of needs, and you already have children with needs. You don't have $31K, no worries, plenty of people don't. What about college funds, health insurance, income protection insurance, retirement savings? Do you need another paypal account to cover those?

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      • avatar Ham and Whine

        Excellent, well-thought out comment! It is sad this selfish couple only thinks about they want not what this child may need. They act like she's a puppy or a shiny new toy they're excited about buying, only to tire of once the excitement and newness wears off. Then it's on to the next exciting new thing!

        I don't think we need to be sad over this poor child's future though - these people aren't really going to go through with the adoption. They love the drama too much - you know, telling everyone about their dreams of adopting a DS child, playing the martyr, rallying the troops, playing the victim when the adoption doesn't happen, begging for money while in the same breath bragging how "successful" they are.

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      • avatar fatnjelle

        @Sister Friend:
        Forever and ever AMEN.

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      • avatar Mind if I do a J?

        Well said.

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      • avatar NonBloggerMommy

        Perfection.

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    • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

      Oh, Joe, just give it to god. FFS.

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    • avatar Urethra Franklin

      @Joe Rigelsky: Back the fuck up. Your named your son Oxton?!

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      • avatar seven-dollar sandwich

        Beat me to it. Perhaps their biggest lapse in good decision-making.

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        • avatar DoubleEntendre

          Maybe they went to Oxford and Princeton respectively, and it was in honor of their alma maters.

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          • avatar seven-dollar sandwich

            Nope, nope, nope. Their parents went to Oxford and Princeton.
            They went to Davidson.

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      • avatar Loamy Loamster

        @Urethra Franklin:
        I seriously hope he doesn't grow up with a weight problem, because oh, the cruel jokes that will ensue...

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      • avatar AmyFarrahFowler

        @Urethra Franklin: That was probably a misspelling as well.

        Joe and Sami... Trust me, God is "calling" you to TAKE CARE OF THE BAJILLION KIDS YOU ALREADY HAVE. Admit you were wrong to crowdsource a special needs child and SHUT UP ALREADY.

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    • avatar Miss Noir

      @Joe Rigelsky: My red pen is in overdrive.
      Sense =/= Since.

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    • avatar CocaColaHam

      @Joe Rigelsky:

      May wanna teach your close family friends MckMama and Izzy about the paying taxes thing! Maybe that should be your ministry!

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    • avatar LickedRandisCake

      @Joe Rigelsky: Joe, I'm not sure if you've read the comments up until this point but, my issues is not with your past. Yes, these things sometimes happen - getting in minor trouble with the law when you are young, having to go through a bankruptcy or having to struggle through medical issues. I know many, many good people who have struggled through the same issues.

      The problem here is not that you want to adopt, but that you can't afford to do so and your wife going out to her FB and calculating for everyone else how much THEY could pay to make YOUR family's dreams come true was inappropriate. As you say, some people on here have gotten the state of your financial affairs wrong and I'm betting some of your FB friends are struggling without you being aware of it. Now, you can always say they have the choice to donate or not and, they do. But, if I was struggling and saw a post like that from a friend, I'd first off feel pretty badly that I was in a situation where I could not afford such a small amount (a small amount to one might be a very large amount to another), that my friends and all of their friends might wonder why I didn't donate or that, quite simply, here I am struggling with God knows what and I could really use some help myself just to keep feeding my family or putting a roof over our heads and yet, you are going out and getting yourself a 6th child on God's whim.

      There are friends of yours on FB who probably need help themselves. And, even if there aren't, if a friend of mine proposed I contribute to them in the way that Sami did - well, it just doesn't sit right with a lot of people.

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    • avatar NonBloggerMommy

      @Joe Rigelsky:

      "I had a kidney stroke (renal infarct) spent 40 days in and out of the hospital until I was diagnosed with a rare blood clotting disorder"

      Health Requirements: Both partners must be physically and mentally fit, with none of the following conditions:

      Severe diseases that require long-term treatment and that may affect life expectancy, including malignant tumors, lupus, nephrosis, epilepsy, etc;

      & Body Mass Index (BMI) of 40 or more

      http://adoption.state.gov/country_information/country_specific_info.php?country-select=china

      Judging from the info provided by you and your not-so-saintly wife, you don't meet the health requirements to adopt from China.

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    • avatar empanadas

      Joe,

      Sorry if you or your wife were hurt by the comments.

      But I'm more sorry that "Ava" is not getting the respect she deserves, being treating as a charity case and essentially being bought online when she has no say in any of this.

      Please be assured that our concern is only about "Ava" and how she could potentially be hurt by this. Think about her before yourselves and maybe take her photo down and stop talking about her on the internet if you want to keep her protected.

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    • avatar butterluv

      Joe, some of what was written here was mean spirited and reaching in terms of assumptions. But there were also a lot of very sound points brought up about the potential flaws in you and your wife's plan. For you and your wife to dismiss everything suggests to me that you're not thinking critically about your decision.

      Even if you are good people (and I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are even though I think rightly people are a bit skeptical based on the company your wife chooses to keep) that doesn't necessarily mean you're well equipped to take care of the child you're trying to adopt. Even if I'm a good person there are still going to be things that don't make sense given my lifestyle no matter how badly I might want them.

      The fact of the matter is that even with the clarifications you've made above, if you need to fundraise in order to adopt the child in the first place it's going to raise a lot of questions for people about whether you really have the means and stability to take care of everything else that comes with a child with special needs. And if as you say above you're better off than asking for donations would suggest, well that just makes you sound greedy for thinking fundraising is the answer in the first place.

      And even in subsequent posts you wife doesn't give any indication she is actually thinking of what is in the best interests of the child or that she has thought through what comes next. Given the past you describe above, that's troubling. We all have things happen to us that we couldn't expect, but I would think that would make someone smarter in the future about saving up more emergency money and not taking on situations that are likely to be costly and have more unexpected expenses. Wanting to help orphans is great, but adoption isn't the only venue to do so, so a more prudent approach would be to find other ways to help until your family situation is more in line with being able to give this child or any child what they need.

      And lastly, if your wife didn't want to open herself up to criticism she should have kept the donation drive private to begin with. Whenever you make something so public you open yourself up, both to the good and the bad. If she didn't want to hear the opinions of 'perfect strangers' she shouldn't have set herself up to solicit donations from them.

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