Healthy Living Blogging

Kerf’s Do’s And Don’ts Of Pregnancy

Kerf, who is on vacation even though she claims to never take vacations, is currently in her 25th monumental week of pregnancy. So far she has spent her gestation analyzing every single bodily function or response that could potentially be related to her pregnancy, ranging from her incessant complaints about SI pain to the perceived movements of the fetus. Just reading her entirely separate blog devoted to chronicling every last minutia of pregnancy is exhausting, so I can only imagine how hard life can be for her. Sometimes I think all the kicking kerfetus does is just to get his mother to chill out and stop thinking so much.

Kerf has had some weird anxieties about pregnancy and as a result, some weird ideas about what one can and can’t do while pregnant. She stopped riding a bike early in pregnancy, even though

I read in Fit Pregnancy that biking is OK for pregnant women so long as they play it safe, but I’m not sure riding on roads counts as safe, so I’m choosing to abstain.

I know that Fit Pregnancy isn’t the New Yorker but I would assume they know what they’re talking about when it comes to pregnancy and exercise. However, Kerf has previously demonstrated that she trusts herself over any other form of authority or source of information so it’s not surprising she threw their advice out the window immediately. It seems she apparently decided that she was, in fact, safe enough because later posts indicate that she ends up riding her bike despite her public claim of abstention.

She then decides that she is no longer going to use the elliptical or vacuum because her yoga teacher/doula has claimed that these activities can throw the hips out of alignment, making labor more difficult. I’m going to go ahead and assume that the vast majority of healthy babies born in the history of humanity, or at least the existence of the vacuum, have been born to women who have vacuumed while pregnant. She backtracks in the comments and states that she’s vacuuming more “mindfully” and not cutting it out entirely and says she “should have worded it differently.” However, “we really don’t know how women’s activities over the years have affected labor” so it’s not as ridiculous as it sounds.

While bike riding, the elliptical, and vacuuming are all looked at suspiciously, taking a little dip in the hot tub doesn’t seem to problematic at all for Kerf who recently jumped in one at the first sign of an “issue with the weather.” Now, I’ve always been under the impression that pregnant women are strongly advised against using hot tubs and if they do decide to use them to make the dip brief and at a cooler temperature. Granted, Kerf did just that (or so she claims), but what I find remarkable is that she managed to use only one exclamation mark and didn’t follow with an anxious question about the appropriateness of using a hot tub. Maybe she finally is starting to relax; funny how vacations can do that for you.

  1. avatar KAS

    Seriously, a hot tub? I’ve been lax with the food no-nos, but totally avoided hot tubs because while food *might* make me sick, a hot tub will DEFINITELY make me hot and that’s bad.

    • I was the same way. I pretty much ate most of the things on the “no-no” list in moderation, but I was pretty careful with the hot temperatures. Frankly, my body temperature was so fucked up while I was pregnant, and then I got PUPPS (seriously. Do. Not. Google), so super-hot temperatures made me freaking miserable. I wanted so badly to get in a jet tub to soothe sore muscles, but it just didn’t end up being worth it in the end.

      • avatar hellowonderland

        Oh God, I googled. Why, why did I google…

        • I warned you. Although I have to say, most of what I’ve seen on Google was actually a less-serious case than my own. I basically looked like raw hamburger. Sexy!

      • avatar Lamemoniker

        I got PUPPS at 30 weeks. Horrible. Torture. I feel your pain.

      • avatar topNot

        Ok, I googled. And while I see a lot of disturbing skin rashes, I also see a lot of puppies. I like puppies. bongfm7

      • avatar Super Nintendo Chalmers

        I Googled PUPPS and got nothing but cute puppy pictures.


        I am disappoint.

    • avatar JFA

      No offense preggos but I sorta love these threads. They make me feel about a million times better about not procreating.

      • None taken. I totally hear you on that.

      • avatar rikkitimbo

        Absolutely none taken- pregnancy can be absolutely disgusting.

      • avatar SnarkyPuss

        Yup being pregnant is gross and miserable and I often want to punch people who “loved being pregnant” directly in their face. I have two children and while I love babies and kind of want one more the idea of being pregnant again gives me night terrors.

  2. avatar Samson

    I roasted myself in hot tubs while pregnant both times. I have a chronic pain condition and it was the only way I could get relief, since Tylenol doesn’t do shit for me. Both kids are teenagers now, and while moderately annoying much of the time, seem to have their full complement of chromosomes and such.

  3. avatar Char

    Am I the only one that hopes the strip down her nose gets missed by sunscreen and she has a bright red burning stripe instead?

  4. avatar ugly becky

    The safest and easiest delivery is ensured by sitting on a porch for 9 straight months eating oatmeal. Women have known this for centuries.

    • avatar drhoctor2

      RIGHt? Have been pregnant..yes..there IS a fetus standing on your bladder. No shit files there. I have BIG love & sympathy..will hand you kleenex while you weep maniaclly in a hormonal perfect storm…etc for pregnants!! However..some common sense kids..if falling off of something would KILL your fetus? Don’t do that. Try not to drop ‘em after birth NEETHER. Your center of gravity CHANGES. Be careful on the stairs. Otherwise go about your business as usual. Your mostly average ppl are low/no risk pregnancies. Enjoy that. Use ankle support.

  5. avatar CrazyAmy

    Only 25 weeks? It seems like she’s been pregnant for 25 years.

  6. avatar birthday chicken

    I need to get pregnant so I can stop cleaning my house.

    • avatar drhoctor2

      I have gotten to a point where I only clean eye level up with every preg. The HELL with bending over I say..The HELL with it.

    • avatar CrayfullyYours

      Why do you need to get pregnant to stop cleaning. I just stopped wearing my contacts at home…everything looks clean to me.

    • avatar JFA

      Seriously. I took that as code for “My husband now does everything.” This chick is the worst.

    • avatar rosieposie

      can’t lift shit either! it’s awesome. except for the whole parasite thing.

  7. avatar HamSweetHam

    What the hell does she do all day that she needs to “relax”? I wonder if it’s boredom that compels her to obsessively document all these microscopic minutiae of her body’s inner workings. If I had nothing to do all day, I bet I’d poke and prod every square inch of my body, recording and analyzing every gurgle, twinge, itch, and ache. Oh wait, I actually wouldn’t do that, because I’m a person with interests other than oatmeal and onion-naysaying.

    It’s going to be hilarious when that kid arrives and her life will suddenly be taken over by a totally helpless brand new human who actually keeps her busy all day.

    • avatar LucyV

      Someone made a great comment to this effect on the KERF forums, maybe it was you – she must be a complete saddo if she thinks her every bite and activity is worth documentation.

      I can’t wait for the baby to rock her world.

    • avatar blue2000

      I’m currently in my first trimester, and was driving home from a busy morning at work (I’m a surgeon on call in a rural hospital for the holiday weekend) and thought! Oh goody, I was so stressed about the patient I was caring for, I haven’t had time to feel nauseated. I bet she’s never experienced such distraction in her life. One of her many problems is that she has all the time in the world to focus solely on herself. My grandmother would dismissively call that “navel-gazing” and would strongly disapprove.

      • avatar rosieposie

        Seriously. You don’t really realize how much shit you do until you have to do it walking around feeling like the living dead. I was so thankful during pregnancy to have a real job, with real problems to solve (though nothing compared to what you must be dealing with) to distract me from myself.
        It’s good to take some time and slow down, but ask women on bed rest how long that’s fun.

    • avatar Jo Bethersonton

      I wonder if she will even have time to post as much as she does now once the baby is here? I have a DIY blog and posted five times a week at least before I had my kid. But when my baby was born and I became a SAHM, I had to cut way, WAY back and honestly, my content has, a lot of the time, suffered. KERF’s content is already bare bones, one step up from totally brain dead. What’s going to happen when she is scurrying to pound out an entry between feedings? How much farther can the level of quality fall?

      • avatar MarySunshine

        She will have Karen there at first, so she will be able to craft her magic. I wouldn’t be surprised if she has paid help, well you know – they swap bread for babysitting.

        • avatar zap

          never, ever in my life would I change someone else’s baby’s diaper in exchange for bread. sadly, I bet Kerfeter considers this a good trade.

          • avatar MarySunshine

            It seems she & Matth think swapping bread for a service is always a good deal, since it’s LOCAL and all.

  8. avatar The Snarky Wife

    She is just a constant source of “lol wut” to me. I mean, come on – vacuuming?!

    • Seriously. It’s not like these days you have to lug around a mostly metal behemoth from the 50s. Vacuuming is one of the easiest chores around.

      • avatar zoe

        She might as well just stop loading this dishwasher at this point, too.

    • I just don’t get why some people allow their lives to basically stop when they’re pregnant, unless it’s a high-risk or special situation. Sure, we know more now than we used to and know that certain things like smoking, drinking too much caffeine, drinking alcohol (though that’s up for debate, and I had a few sips here and there after my first trimester at the okay of my doctor), etc. can affect pregnancy and labor. But I’m pretty sure if vacuuming was an issue for the average bear, we’d have heard something about it.

  9. simplybike would beg to differ. she (and others) commuted via bicycle throughout her pregnancy. she’s featured others on her blog who have successfully done the same as well.

    kath should worry about tripping and falling while reading a magazine on her leisurely strolls.

    • avatar karola

      How dare you call Kerf’s walks leisurely?!! She has stated that she is very athletic and that she can “easily” walk 9 miles a day, all the while listening to her precious Pregtastic podcasts. Because god forbid she spend a minute of her day not focused on the fact that she is pregnant.

    • avatar Office Worker

      Aw, I love Simply Bike!

    • avatar rosieposie

      I saw an awesome picture of a woman riding her bike to the hospital to give birth. She rode her bike IN LABOR!

  10. avatar AreYouKiddingMe

    I wish I was pregnant so I would not have to vacuum.

  11. avatar Dr. Fraud, MD

    This woman is wrapped way too tight for pregnancy, motherhood, or most adult activities. I suspect she will start a whole new blog when Braxton-Hicks come along, because she’ll OMG be the only person to ever really experience such pain.

  12. avatar nom nom nom

    What exactly is the deal with hot tubs and pregnancy? I hadn’t heard this before today. Is it an issue of discomfort or does it pose a risk to the mother/fetus?

    • avatar A Box of Broken Crayons

      There’s a chance that the hot tub could raise your body temperature enough to pose a threat to the fetus.

      • avatar cynicalkitty

        Slim risk based on flimsy evidence and only applicable during the first trimester. However it gives the obsessively pregnant something else to fret about so they can then feel oh so smug and morally superior by obeying all of their silly self-imposed rules.

        I feel sorry for the kid.

        • avatar A Box of Broken Crayons

          Yeah, I think with a lot of these “don’ts” the risks are only theoretical. With things like that, I just followed my instincts and I would tell any pregnant woman to do the same.

        • avatar nom nom nom

          Thanks to both of you for clearing that up. It seemed a little weird to me. I’ve never been had a kid, so I find pregnancy in general to be rather mystifying.

          • avatar Twisted Pearls

            My family is loaded with doctors and nurses, although no ob-gyn, and I was always told that the first three months you should avoid prolonged exposure in a tub over oh, 100 degrees, because it could mess up the kid’s development. Whatever. I have no idea if is is true or not. Also i was told that after the first trimester and the kid starts tp look like real baby it was perfecty okay to have a glass of wine once in awhile.

            Shrug. i’m not a doctor and have no idea what is true and what is a myth.

    • avatar Dr. Fraud, MD

      I think it’s a confabulation of several urban myths, the nucleus of truth being that 48.5 percent of pregnancies in southern California *began* in hot tubs. Another part of this witch’s brew of truth/untruth is yes, you can get an STD in a hot tub so don’t be having unprotected sex in there.

  13. avatar LucyV

    I used to nanny for a woman like KERF and it was a nightmare. She was so tightly wound, obsessed with her kid and house being clean, avoiding chemicals, healthy food, anxiety over every fucking thing. The kid was a nightmare too.

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