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KERF Eats Better Than You

Kath “Control Issues” Younger, real food eater, continues to inflict her boring, food control issue laden thoughts on the internet. Today was another of her trademark busy days, the kind typical of “full time bloggers”:

I went to early cycle this morning and met my friend Katherine. Fun times! We spun hard, and then finished with the core session the class ends with. And then I was dilly-dallying back downtown to my house, where I promptly got to work on massive loads of laundry. More fun times!

Then it was time for a lunch of thimble sized burger and lettuce, which KERF shrilly implied made her superior to people who enjoy some Ore-Ida with their chili burger:

Who needs potato fries when lettuce makes you feel so good?

Jesus. Between claiming that lettuce with salt is comparable to a french fry and taking her own food to parties, Kath sounds like a laugh riot. She must be so much fun to hang out with. No wonder she has so many friends.




  1. avatar tankearae

    And in her magazine article she has this to say:
    "Perfect homes don’t just exist in the movies or the pages of home and garden magazines. Real people have organized homes that are serene, clutter-free and functional."

    Yep. She's implying she's perfect. How kind of her. And such fashion sense to boot:

    IMG_8241_FIX.jpg

    Don't worry, Opie, Esq. That isn't from KERF's site!

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    • avatar realist

      We are so lucky to have Kath to remind us that if our lives don't look like the movies, we're probably just not doing it right.

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      • avatar ohplease

        OMG. There is so much wrong with that quote. I don't have the energy to dissect it. Plus I keep getting distracted because the black beans are not level! :-)

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      • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

        Can you imagine watching the movie from which this would be a still?

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    • avatar jpa

      What is it with her and the "real ____" thing? If I'm not eating real food, what am I eating? Am I a "real" person if sometimes my house is cluttered?

      Fun times! with KERF include cycling and laundry. I bet super fun times include drinking 1/2 seltzer 1/2 beer. Better sit down as not to get too excited.

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      • avatar tamarin

        I hate this and I wish it were just her overusing the word "real". I hate all this "real people", "real women", "real bodies", "real food" nonsense.

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      • avatar Super_Nintendo_Chalmers

        I love how GOMI comments cover everything, from drawer organization to existential meditations on what's real. Am I a butterfly dreaming I'm a man? Does the world go away every time I close my eyes, or does everything still exist even though I can't see it? Do any of us exist, or are we just a figment of Alice's imagination?

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    • avatar Cindy McCains Medicine Cabinet

      That picture is so fucking smug I can't even look at it head on. She looks like she thinks she Martha Stewart and that she's doing us all a favor by talking about her life and showing us pictures of her plain, boring, sexless, beer-seltzered life. Also, KATH - hire a REAL stylist. Her sense of style is just the WOOORST!

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    • avatar featherbrained

      I'm a fake person.

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      • avatar hershitdontstink

        I don't have a clutter-free home because I try to balance my job, school, and just life in general. I am not a real person either.

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        • avatar zandra

          Put your job and school in the drawers, they don't have to be folded.

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          • avatar frumpy mcfrump

            ^ Oh this made me LOL. "Just put it in drawers" may be my new life motto:

            Finances getting you down? Put your bills in a drawer.

            Concerned about having a job/finding a job in the current economic climate? Put your job in the drawer.

            As for her clothes/appearance/pssible weight gain my vote is that she stop buying shapeless mass produced garbage from Old Navy and Loft. Or have it taken in so it gives her some definition and/or curves. Also, I know she has some feet issues (bone spurs?) But quit with the hippieorthopaedics. There are plenty of cute, well supported flat shoes as an alternative out in the world.

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    • avatar Adelaide

      Meh, I think she looks healthy and strong. But! She has no idea how to style herself. She has big boobs, and baggy tops are never kind to big boobs, since they obliterate the waist. She needs to pull a Nigella... Form-fitting tops with a little bit of cleavage, and a good bra to hold everything together! She dresses waaaaaay too mom-ish for someone as young and pretty as she is.

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      • avatar Kim

        I agree...she has a cute face (if she weren't looking so holier than though and smug all the time) and a good figure, but she picks the least flattering clothes ever! I have a similar body type and I would never attempt to wear the things she picks out.

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      • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

        Well, that apron would make anyone look the size of a house. Ridiculous.

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        • avatar Adelaide

          I think the apron is cute in that Anthro sexy-housewife way, but the top is a huge no. Great color, but it's about three sizes too big. The jeans are another no. And those shoes... don't even get me started. She looks like a Sunday school teacher.

          I wish my boobs were that big. And if they were, I would most definitely be showing them off!

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      • I don't think people are saying that she's fat or there's anything wrong with her body type. It's just that with all the exercise she purports to be doing, and how she claims to be eating, it's surprising that she doesn't appear smaller or at least leaner.

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      • avatar peachy

        i agree. i think she would look gorgeous if she relaxed a little and wore a wrap dress and some heels. show off those curves, woman!

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        • avatar bee_elle

          ugh yes! i so badly want to put her in a fitted shirt that shows some cleave, skinny jeans and boots (with heels!) come ON!

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    • avatar Babby Forming, Despite Life-Threatening Heels

      My husband, a chef, would freak the motherfuck out if he saw how she hung her knives. Pointy side down? NAY, WOMAN! If one should slide off the magnet, you've fucked up the blade.

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    • avatar AFGHANI the INEVITABLE

      It's interesting that her kitchen is organized... but it's fugly. Ugly cabinets and cheap appliances. But whatever, she's a celebrity... so what would I know.

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    • avatar zc

      Does anyone think that pan rack is hung super high? How does she reach them without leaning all over the hot stoves?

      why are her pants so short?

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      • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

        KATH HEMS REAL SHORT

        KHRS!

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      • avatar New Year New You

        That's why you keep a man around the house, to reach the high up things. Reach the high up things, lift the heavy things, kill the insects.

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      • avatar chicagogopher

        She doesn't use the pans. Then she'd have to mess up her perfect kitchen. Duh.

        THIS! (0)NOPE! (0)


    • avatar NutterButter

      I had a perfect home once. Then I had the sex (OMGewwww), got knocked up a few times and had kids. Oh yeah, add 3 part times jobs, husband (who I let eat way too much & do me) and dog and well....

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  2. avatar dogsandmovies

    647.gif

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  3. Who needs potato fries? This carb junkie, that's who. Lettuce has its place at the table and all, but the LAST thing I ever want to do when I've had a bad day is grab a head of lettuce and start chowing down. No, I'd rather dive into a bag of Ruffles and crawl out in the morning. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

    And as long as I'm ranting here, real homes are not always clutter-free, serene or functional. If she ever spawns some Kerflings, she'll figure this out in a heartbeat. The only way you get a clutter-free home with a toddler is if you keep him locked in the bathroom all day.

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    • avatar WookieCat

      Paging "ThatWife"! You've been certified 'real' by KERF! Time to celebrate! Would you like a wheel of cheese?

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    • avatar KAS

      FUCK YEA POTATO LOVE

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    • I think she clearly does not have a good relationship with food.

      Also, she may be able to eat fries every once in awhile if she'd stop with the sugar bomb breakfasts. I just don't see how Biscoff and muffins are any more "real" than fries. At least french fries are usually on three all natural ingredients.

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    • Rachel I want to take every word of your comment out behind the bleachers and feel it up.

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    • avatar potatofriedlettuce

      And wtf who says potato fries?? Does she mean french fries? is that some weird southern thing like pop instead of soda?

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      • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

        No, she's just saying "potato" like a John Bircher would say "Commie".

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  4. avatar herpderpsnarf

    Kale chips are TOTALLY like potato chips you guys. SERIOUSLY.

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    • avatar smether

      Since when are potatoes bad? I thought they were a vegetable.

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  5. avatar ohplease

    Is she saying that meeting a friend for an exercise class is as fun as doing loads of laundry? They both got a "fun times" in her post. nice.

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    • avatar eri

      She has to remind everyone that she has FRIENDS! Because she doesn't actually seem to have any. Shocking, considering her delightfully bitchy personality!

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    • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

      I raised an eyebrow at that as well. I suppose it didn't occur to her that she was implying that Katherine's conversation reminds her of changing her lint filter.

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    • avatar Super_Nintendo_Chalmers

      I read that as saying she has loads of fun doing laundry, just as much as she does talking to her friend. I think that's what she meant, but yeah it still looks weird.

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  6. avatar realist

    This is Kath's brilliant food advice. Just sub lettuce for everything. And if you start to think you miss things like "potato fries," well, I guess Kath is just better than you. Lettuce makes her feel GREAT.

    She might even have her lettuce with a glug of water beer. INDULGENT!

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  7. Why in the fuck does she feel the need to post this boring-ass crap on the internet? Why?!! And you know there's like 27 commenters saying that they are doing, have done, or will do laundry sometime today, in the past year, or within the next month. Somebody needs to make an "idiot Kath commenter" bingo card.

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    • avatar melondrama doesn't even have a blog

      KERF is not only boring and pitiful, but contemptible. Homegirl is an RD, for Pete's sake, and has a sizable audience of readers who are hungry (lolz) for actual health/nutrition advice. Yet her blog is masturbatory nonsense. I'm sure she thinks she's successful because she's getting ad revenue and people to give her free shit, but I think truly successful blogs add value to readers' lives. Her blog completely fails on that level.

      She's squandering a pretty fucking great opportunity to have a positive impact on the world.

      Screw you, KERF.

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    • avatar senseofhumour

      OH MY GOD.

      kerf bingo. you are on to something.

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  8. avatar self help

    Her sense of superiority makes me throw up in my mouth a little.

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  9. avatar RamboJambo

    My kitchen is a trainwreck, I eat fries made of POTATOES, and my tiny 1 bedroom apartment (that I work 2 jobs to afford) is hardly free of "clutter." But, ya know what? I have bras that aren't ill fitting, I get laid on a regular basis, I enjoy fake food (and I'm skinny!) and I'm not afraid to get fucking messy... in any room of my apartment. In my opinion, that's "real." PREACH!

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  10. avatar Fred Grott

    Here is what goes with Lettuce:

    Tacos, fish, dressing..FISH TACOS!

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  11. avatar Super_Nintendo_Chalmers

    "Who needs potato fries when lettuce makes you feel so good?"

    Well clearly you do Kath. If you were really that satisfied with lettuce you wouldn't have to brag about it.

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    • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

      Exactly. Fuck, the whole EVERYONE IS OBSESSED WITH FOOD AND ONLY I AM HOLY AND NOBLE ENOUGH TO STARVE MYSELF bullshit is just nuts. Nuts.

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    • avatar NC

      This sound like the equivalent to "who needs sex when you can have fat free yogurt!?"

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  12. avatar Hater Face

    She sounds like she has an eating disorder.

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    • avatar Albie Quirky (No Relation!)

      Millions of people have eating disorders, but this lady has miraculously turned hers INTO A JOB.

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      • avatar Hater Face

        Under the guise of healthiness. I didn't agree with the Marie Claire article that covered blogs like KERF (was she featured) and claimed they were guises for eating disorder blogs. I may have to disagree now.

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  13. avatar RamboJambo

    https://twitter.com/#!/KathEats/status/134458029918789632

    We're the Grinch of KERFville, y'all.

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    • avatar tankearae

      Remember, she's perfect. So instead of mocking, we should just all strive to be uptight bitches who think drinking seltzer with a little egg nog will help us be as wonderful as her.

      Poor KERF, being perfect must be such a burden.

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      • avatar Little Orphan Lilly

        I am pretty fucking comfortable pitting my "Santa's workshop exploded in my kitchen" holiday cheer against the clutter-free, calorie-free, cheer-free version I imagine a Very Kerfy Khristmas to be. Whatever's next? Kale chips snipped to look like Christmas trees?

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    • avatar WookieCat

      Congratulations, KERF, you're my newest Twitter hate-follow.

      Is it wrong that these kind of tweets give me the warm fuzzies?! Rotten day with my toddler...ruffling KERF's feathers sort of makes it better...

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    • avatar dogsandmovies

      TO KERF,
      tumblr_lt0u3h2Eke1qfvsrv.gif

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    • avatar self help

      Is "meanness" even a word?

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    • avatar Cindy McCain's Medicine Cabinet

      I love that fake Catilin HTP twitterer - she replied to Kath that she'd just delete the non-beautiful comments against her anyway. And of course I love the "they're just jealous of your success!" comments the most. I had my own huge glass of wine last night and didn't have to take equal sips with my sex-starved husband, so I guarantee Kath's never had a day of which I'd be jealous.

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      • avatar NC

        Right - you know who I'm jealous of Hillary Clinton - WILDLY successful, scary intelligence and wit to boot. No fucking way I'd ever be jealous of this lady. Sorry, no - calling people out on bullshit does not equal jealousy. These people have the reasoning intelligence of children.

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        • avatar Bananana

          It boggles my mind that KERF assumes everyone who leaves comments that are anything less than ass kissing must be an unsuccessful, jealous troll. Like all of her haters are sitting at home, with no ambitions while eating pringles and hating on KERF because she is sooooooo successful. I, for one have a well paying job with benefits, and try to eat right and exercise. I put myself through university and a post-grad. In short, I would consider myself to be more successful than KERFY. Not because I have more money ( I certainly do not) but because I work for everything that I have, am climbing the career ladder try to have a balanced life style and still manage to go out with my friends, get tipsy and have fun like a twenty-something should. In short, I have a life that I am constantly working on improving. To me, that is the definition of success. Kath's success on the other hand stems from being a very minor internet celebrity and having abnormally tiny meals. There is no drive, no determination and no desire to better herself. I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this whole thing wrong, but dislike or hatred usually comes from places other than jealousy, at least for me.

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        • avatar Cindy McCains Medicine Cabinet

          That's how I feel NC - the people I'm jealous of are the people I actually find really awesome! It's people I find intelligent, successful, funny, stylish, etc. I don't hate people because I think they're smarter/more successful/more beautiful than I am. I wish I could be as successful and intelligent as Hillary Clinton, as beautiful and talented as Penelope Cruz, and as funny and awesome as Amy Poehler. KERF? Bland, unsexy, uptight, humorless KERF? What's the opposite of jealous?

          I think we all had our mamas tell us that the boy pulling our hair actually had a crush on us and the mean girls were actually jealous of us and this might be true in the seventh grade, but not when you're 30 and all you do is blog about oatmeal and laundry.

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