Lifestyle Blogging WTF

“Handbasket” Is Glad You Know What You’d Do

Notes from the Handbasket” has spent over a year justifying why she won’t leave the husband who totally did nothing wrong in having horrible images of children on his computer. Now that he has been convicted for possession of child pornography, she would like to remind you all that your judgment is ridiculous:

Upon hearing about a man convicted on child pornography charges, many women declare that if it were their husband, they know exactly what they would do. They would turn him in themselves, they would hold him at gunpoint, they would hate him forever, they would kick him out of the house, they would damage or remove his testicles, they would abandon him without thinking twice, they would never let him see the children again. He would be so gone…Those of us who have husbands in trouble for child pornography, well, we were caught off guard. We didn’t have time to concoct elaborate plans. And if we had elaborate plans for such an unthinkable day, the unthinkable day trashed our plans. Seeing our husbands in trouble, seeing our husbands facing the worst trouble imaginable–facing unimaginable trouble!–we reacted as if these men truly were our husbands. These were the men we promised to love and cherish. How could we abandon them? These are the men we do love and cherish.

She goes on to ask “What if your brother were going to prison? Would you abandon him? What about your father?” and “What if it were your son?” in an effort to impress upon people that it’s not just her husband that does such things.

Since this is the woman who is over on prisontalk claiming “[l]ooking at CP, searching for it, enjoying it does not mean the guy is a pedophile” and saying that the “idea that we stop regulating porn makes sense to me”, I think it’s reasonable to assume that any judgment she is dealing with is more likely simply people trying to make her see her faulty logic.

You would think she’d know that a mother saying things like “I have yet to see anything that tells me that making CP illegal has any effect on the broader world of child abuse”, would obviously cause a few folks to say “if it were my husband I would keep him away from MY kids”. Hey lady, that’s not judgment. That’s called protecting your kids from convicted and known predators. Get a grip and stop trying to pass off your family as the victims of some cruel justice system.

God I hate the internet today.

  1. avatar Amaryllis

    Searching out, viewing and masturbating to child pornography doesn’t make you a pedophile?

    *backs away slowly*

    • avatar You DO NOT Get A Say


      • avatar catnip overdose

        ok, this guy was actually busted for CP, and has been sent away, and she’s ….okay with him?!?

        This HAS to be a hoax of some sort, and if not, why hasn’t CPS been called? Why are their kids even allowed to live w/her if’s she’s an apologist for CP-isn’t anyone freaked out about that (i mean, besides us)?

        Or is it because he’s going to be put away for so long that the kids will be in grad school (and therapy) by the time he sees the light of day?

        Sorry, gotta go barf now.

  2. avatar Miss Noir

    I;m still not convinced that “She” is really a “he”, who has a plethora of CP, hasn’t been busted yet, and is trying to e-justify his perversion.

    Pedophile apologists need a solid ass kicking.

  3. avatar Amaryllis

    Oh, and if my husband, brother, or father was viewing child porn, abandoning them is the nicest thing I’d do. After I considered setting them on fire.

  4. avatar GetMePizzaYouOldTroll


  5. avatar Peter

    Am I the only one who thinks that this whole situation seems fake, made up? I just can’t imaginen someone being THAT stupid.

    • avatar TheOriginalColorblocker

      I am thinking the same thing. I don’t want to believe that someone like her truly exists.

  6. avatar Stereo

    I don’t think it’s an “elaborate plan” to get as far away from the person getting off on the abuse of children as possible. Isn’t that just common fucking sense?

    I can’t take this douchelord’s bullshit, seriously.

    • Seriously, if they have enough evidence on his computers to convict the guy I think it’s time to stop ranting about how the Feds terrorized you by coming in the house, and stop making excuses about how you don’t want to explain to your kids why Daddy isn’t around anymore. Knock off the poor judged wife bullshit and file for divorce already. Pretty sure everyone including your kids would understand why.

      • avatar Stereo

        For real. Furthermore, have some fucking dignity. It’s pretty clear YOU’RE not doing it for him anymore so why would you even want to stay there?

  7. avatar Llama Llama

    Ugh. I think that whole stand by your man thing applies if he’s caught shoplifting women’s underwear. Watching babies get raped? There is no person on this fucking planet I would stand by for being part of such a thing.

    I read a story that reminded me of this headcase in Woman (UK) or something (I have to look at them for work) – she chose her second husband over her daughter’s accusation of his raping her. Turns out the daughter was telling the truth and her lovely step-daddy was actually already on a register for abuse. She’s got to live with spending months telling her daughter she was a cruel, vindictive, attention-seeking liar.

    The lesson is YOUR KIDS’ SAFETY IS THE MOST PARAMOUNT THING. This shouldn’t even need planning – keep child sex abuser away from children. I have no kidlets myself and I know exactly what I would do if I found CP on my fella’s computer. That dude would be so gone so quick.

    Like so many others – I. CAN’T. EVEN.

    • avatar MEP

      “…she chose her second husband over her daughter’s accusation of his raping her. ”

      This is the background story for like every episode of Intervention EVER.

      • avatar Llama Llama

        :( Makes me so sad.

        I would believe my kid every time, cos I would hope, even if for whatever reason they’d been lying, both myself and my other half would understand the need to make sure we knew what was going on, that we knew the truth. Better to find out your kid’s a liar than let them continue being abused because you didn’t want to believe them.

    • avatar BindsTheTuna

      I work in the court system, and the number of moms who choose their husband/boyfriend over their children appalls me every day. In fact, when we DO have a mom who believes their child, it makes an impression, since it happens hardly ever. Like maybe 10% of the time.

      • avatar ativan annie

        My daughter’s volleyball coach in middle school was married to a guy who got busted for this and sent to prison. They’re still married some years later, so I guess she “stood by her man”. She used to invite select girls from the team over to her house for sleepovers. At the time, I was kind of upset that my daughter wasn’t included. After the news about her husband came out, I was very glad that she never went to their house. I don’t want to assume the worst, but it does make me wonder what role she played in fulfilling his perverse fantasies.

        • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

          That is a big, ‘phewwwww’, right there. I’m as glad as you are your daughter was never invited.

      • avatar Lena

        I have a few social workers in the family, and they say the same thing. My sister had one case where the mother was also a victim of incest when she was a child, and she genuinely did not understand why her husband raping her daughter was a problem, and was angry that she couldn’t allow the pedophile in the house if she wanted to keep her parental rights.

        • avatar Sammy Sosa's Bleaching Cream

          Oh. My. God.

        • avatar SugarBombs

          Good Lord, how does your sister not go crazy dealing with people like that?

      • avatar snarkincluded

        and as a child therapist and I sadly agree with this. ;(

      • avatar CantCantCant

        Shit that makes me sad.

        I can imagine heavy-duty mourning if my husband turned out to be a creeper. That’s a serious loss–of your marriage and of the person you love. Shit, I would miss my husband so much.

        But, you know what? I would miss him because the locks would be changed before the last police officer had escorted him out the door.

        And, yes, Handbasket Lady, I am 100 percent sure of that.

        • avatar Wait...What???

          As I was reading the comments this very thought was going through my head.

      • avatar Say Rah

        I know this is true, but shit it makes me want to cry. I mean I have no allegiances to anyone or anything in this world but to my kids. I don’t love anyone the same way that I love my children and nothing elicits a more primal rage in me than the thought of someone violating them or any child for that matter. You hurt my kid or another kid, you’re out of my life forever, dead to me, gone.

        • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

          Thank you. Sometimes my husband and I talk about the love we feel for our kids vs.our love for each other and both of us place the kids above everything. We joke (in a gallow’s humor way), that if a runaway car was heading towards our kids whoever saw it first would throw the other parent in front of it just to save the kids.
          We have life insurance so…

          • avatar Say Rah

            It sucks we have the word bootylicious, but no word for how parental love is different than spousal love. I love my husband.

          • avatar Say Rah

            (Oops, trigger happy with the reply; too much wine.). But it’s not the same as my love for my kids.

          • avatar hockeygirl

            My husband and I talk about this too. He’s not a very strong swimmer, and every summer I jokingly remind him that if he and our sons get in trouble in the water at the same time, I’m totally going to let him drown while I save our sons. He, in turn, reminds me if the house catches fire, I’m on my own while he carries/drags the kids out of the house.

            In all seriousness I’m in no hurry to die, but I’d actually be pretty pissed if I ever found out he put me first in a life or death situation involving the boys.

        • avatar Extremely Large Size Medium

          I don’t feel the two loves have to be competitive with each other, but your highest responsibility is to your kids over your spouse regardless. I think even Ayelat Waldman, who loves her husband more, would agree.

      • avatar barforama

        so messed up.

      • avatar kelly gaura

        My tenure in the sex crimes unit at the county prosecutor’s office over a decade ago parallels your experience. It’s sickening, how many “mothers” choose the man over the kids. It’s also sickening, how many “mothers” are in on the abuse, whatever it might entail. My first thought was that when I read all of this: was she looking at the porn too, getting off on it? And that’s why she is pulling the Tammy Wynette routine? Because that does happen.

        • avatar HillbillyPrincess

          Weird. I’ve never dated one guy that even approached being in the same category as my children. I’m engaged now and he STILL doesn’t make the cut. I guess parents are evolutionarily wired to love their kids above all else.

      • avatar Hrm.

        My best friend growing up was actually abused by her stepfather. Her mother knew about it and stayed with him after he was prosecuted. He wasn’t allowed to live with them for a short period of time but eventually he moved back in with them and the only precaution taken was that he wasn’t allowed to be alone with a minor ever. After that, they all lived together until she graduated from high school. It was a bizarre thing. I haven’t talked to her in a few years but at the time he was still a part of her life. Walked her down the aisle when she got married and everything. I can only imagine how confusing that must be for any person. Bizarre.

        My best guess is that her mom stayed with him because he made pretty good money.

    • avatar Iwanka Frump

      I can’t even with this. It’s not even my kids safety I’m concerned with. It’s the fact that if even one fucking pervert out there gets his jollies this way it leaves the door open for the abuse of real live actual children in order to compile the material necessary for their pleasure. It not all right click copy shots off mommy blogs these men/women ( though I gather that’s rarer) are “using”. A lot children all over the world get very very badly harmed in the very real world by these people and they will never ever be the same because of it.

      The longer these horrible people continue to condone it even in the most rudimentary fashion it’s giving someone permission somewhere to abuse a child for sexual gratification, and as long as there is one person willing to accept that behavior, it will not stop.

  8. avatar FOX

    I wonder if she would feel differently if it were her kid’s pictures that were on that computer. It’s hard to even snark on this. Too sad.

  9. avatar Eyelash Sweater

    I know, bitch, it’s totally crazy, but a lot of us would completely shut down any contact with a pedophile.

  10. avatar Fart in a mitten

    Hey, sorry crazy Handbasket lady… your husband is a consumer of abuse.

    His demand increases the supply.

    Normal women WOULD in fact leave their piece of shit husbands. The thought of my husband jacking off to images of little kids is so revolting and terrifying, and the fear that he would in anyway contribute to destroying my childrens lives or the lives of others would consume my waking moments.

    This woman is just as big of a monster as her husband is at this point.

    • avatar boombalatty

      And, at this point, her behavior is more damaging to her children than his. He has at least been judged and removed from society. The kids understand what he did and why he has to be punished for it, they aren’t stupid. I’ve been in a similar position and I can say with absolute conviction that they do not understand what their mother is now doing. I can see trying to live as normal a life as possible under the circumstances, but making excuses and trying to rationalize his disgusting behavior is going to take a terrible toll on her children, their future relationships and ultimately, whether they will want either of their parents in their lives at all. I’m guessing they won’t.

      • avatar Fart in a mitten

        Awful. Just awful. I can’t even come up with something witty.

  11. avatar From London with Love

    Having grown up with a sexually abused child, a childhood friend of mine, I can’t even comment on how sad her comments make me feel. At the time, I didn’t know, no one knew…..
    And has she thought of her children? ONe day they will find out. Finding out my dad was a pedo and my mum stood by him? I’m lost for words. It break s my heart.

  12. avatar Mockingword

    Kicking your pedophile husband to the curb doesn’t require “concocting” a plan.

    • avatar Sister Friend

      I know, right? You don’t need a color-coded excel spreadsheet to open the door and throw a douchebag out through it.

    • avatar NotThatKelly

      No, and honestly I don’t think anyone makes an elaborate plan for that day, it’s just a normal reaction to finding out someone is doing something awful.

      That’s what I don’t get – no acknowledgment that a child was abused and harmed in the making of whatever pornography he viewed. No remorse at all. Just “I am standing by him no matter what happens” and the inevitable explanation of where the children’s father is at some point.

      And realistically at some point those children will be old enough to start digging around and find out. Because even when/if he gets out, there will be rules about where they can live, where he can work, all those things that go along with being a sexual predator, and they will figure it out eventually. (Mind you I am not saying tell them everything now, but it is going to be tough on them one day. Was he looking at me that way? Was he looking at my friends that way? I mean, I am no psychologist, but it seems inevitable that those issues will come up.)

  13. avatar Kels

    I get that she was blindsided by her husband when he was busted for CP and that her reaction (staying with him) was not something that she would have originally predicted for herself. I don’t begrudge her for acting differently than how someone else might’ve. Her family, her choice.

    But as soon as she took it upon herself to become her husband’s champion (and there’s a difference between being supportive of a spouse who has done something illegal/immoral and being his/her champion) and started publicly questioning the necessity of keeping CP illegal, she opened herself – and her family – up for public criticism.

    • avatar Llama Llama

      I think there are some acts that are inherently unforgivable and imo (only my opinion) standing by someone in this situation is almost as bad as what he did.

      Her apologism opens the door for more paedophile apologists to stand there and say that to abandon their husbands; it minimises the severity of what he did and she has deliberately left her kids exposed to one of the most damaging and horrific forms of child abuse possible.

      I’m sure her justifications comfort every child who will get notified every time someone like him opens their abuse images on the internet and shares them round.

      At best this woman is among the most stupid on the planet; I’m starting to think she’s in on it, and helped him, personally. Nothing else makes sense to me about her actions.

      • avatar Llama Llama

        Sorry, I lost part of a sentence there -

        “say that to abandon their husbands would be wrong”; is what I meant

      • avatar Sara

        Personally, I feel standing by her husband would have been ok up to the point where she felt that he did not do it. I can understand that if the police stormed your house and accused your husband of CP (Not that I know what happened, I don’t want to look it up), you might have a “what!!hubby and cp? no way” moment. The moment might extend to a day or two where you support him or tell him you’ll get through it. But the fact that she continues to support him even after he is proven guilty is absolutely, totally beyond me. This is far worse than being in denial. This is conscious, deliberate support of a sick crime. I wonder to what extent would she go? What if her husband was arrested for murder? Would she apply the same faithful wifey logic and decide to stand by him? Would she ask for murder to be made legal? Sick, stupid woman…… it’s because of people like her that cp exists.

        • avatar My Stereotypes Are Always Right

          Agreed. I had a friend who’s boyfriend got busted (by the Feds early in the morning shortly after they moved in together, the whole nine yards) and she was so terrified by the experience and had nobody else to rely on that she totally believed him that he did not do it, it was a plant on his work computer, etc. Until the stories didn’t make sense and he saw a therapist while awaiting trial and finally told her once he accepted a plea deal.

          And then she walked away.

          Not saying there isn’t heartbreak or pain – of course there is because you’ve fallen in love with a LIAR. You by extension are living a lie and that is pretty traumatic. But you don’t have to be an apologist for kiddie porn viewers or try and talk yourself (and your audience) into some crap about victimless crimes. Your marriage is not more undeservedly stressed than the awfulness some poor child went through for your husband’s entertainment, THAT CAN NEVER BE UNDONE.

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