Babyslime
March 23, 2013
3:27 pm
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curiouscat
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June 8, 2012

quesera said
 

Oh, and I don't dislike her for her sarcasm. I dislike her for being an insufferably smug, haughty, arrogant person who completely lacks humility and thinks she knows everything about everything, despite being an incredibly unimpressive, myopic, and generally uneducated person.

Yes. Nothing wrong with sarcasm — I enjoy it and use it, too. The problem with Babs is that it's her default, not an occasional device. She doesn't seem to know how to modulate her tone. When one employs sarcasm all the time, it becomes tiresome and grating and the person doing so gets pegged as smug, abrasive, defensive, hostile and generally unpleasant. So, in her case, I do dislike her for her sarcasm.

March 23, 2013
3:29 pm
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SweetCheeks
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April 1, 2012

this is gallifrey said

quesera said
But you guys, she's a social worker! So OBVIOUSLY she has a better idea of what healthy is, than we ever could! 

Maybe the reason why she's not a "hotline/social worker" anymore is that she told domestic violence victims to "loosen up".

I LOL'd, albeit inappropriately.  

March 23, 2013
3:41 pm
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Princess Buttercup
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Meows: 2488
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July 27, 2012

"It will happen to you". Nice. Now she's also claiming psychic abilities.

March 23, 2013
3:52 pm
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latinisdead

This is the same woman who claims she was raped, and sexually molested and then enjoys fisting…sometimes I just don't get her.

March 23, 2013
3:55 pm
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Totally Not A Scam
LOLCat
Meows: 50
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December 4, 2012

quesera said
This is in the way-way-back machine…2007. I actually sent the transcript via email to my husband at the time, because I thought he'd get a kick out of knowing that we've "never experienced real stress." 

 

The joke was this:

"I am lucky to have someone who doesn't mind giving me a hug fifteen minutes after I throw a can of soup at him. Albeit a cautious hug." 

 

Then, one of the first comments on the entry was thanking Heather for admitting how "normal" their fights are. Another comment was from a woman who admitted she's thrown things in anger (whether it was at her husband or not is unclear), and now her child does the same thing. I believe there may have been more in the same vein–essentially, they were thanking Heather for admitting that throwing things at your spouse is normal and healthy. So, I left a private note, just to clarify whether or not Heather had been joking. 

 

(In retrospect, it's hard to remember a time when I felt comfortable enough to ask Heather to clarify something she wrote. But, I genuinely believed it wasn't a big deal to ask for clarification. I was wrong.)

 

She was immediately irritated that I was even asking for clarification. I expressed that I was concerned because people seemed to be taking her seriously, whether she was joking or not, and she got even MORE irritated. Her responses to me are super long, as one might expect, but here are a few choice excerpts. Derisive, condescending: 

 

"FTR, I have thrown things in anger, but none of them have made contact…It will happen to you, too because no one is perfect no matter how much you know – and I hope you can forgive yourself when it does."

 

"it's the single friends and the ones with no real experience that don't loosen up and don't see the difference between the intent of a joke and the intent of someone who is honestly controlling and abusing his partner"

 

" I think over time in a long term relationship, when you've really done the up and the way down, you loosen up about a lot of things. Finding humor in the macabre is one of the ways to do that. If you didn't, you wouldn't make it past the first few years: period."

 

"I've been the person on the other side (before many years of marriage, that is)…"

 

(this is all her, assuming that I'm speaking from a place of ignorance, because I couldn't POSSIBLY be questioning her if I were in a real live relationship. Then, after I explained that I'm married:)

 

"I'm really happy for you and your marriage, especially since you haven't had the misfortune to have gone through some serious testing of your strength as a couple and your ability to survive the hard stuff, and I hope your positive attitude about your own relationship will continue to carry you through it when it comes."

 

And with that, I was done. 

Uh, yeah, obviously insulting people is her specialty.  I don't know you at all, but I even feel insulted reading that.  Did she ever tell you if she was joking or if she actually did throw a can at her husband?  I've been married for 8 years, and no, Heather, I have never thrown anything at my husband in anger.  Of course we've had arguments, and we've even been through our fair share of "some serious testing of [our] strength as a couple", but that has not ever resulted in physical violence.  If it would have been her "joking" about her husband throwing a can at her, I doubt people her sheeple would have thought that was ok.  She is so messed up in the head.  And if there actually is someone over here reading all this just so they report back to her, they are messed up in the head, too. Stop sucking up to her so much, it does no good.  She's never going to like you, I can promise you that.

About her sister, I think it's horrible and says a lot about her that she is telling the whole internet about her issues with Marika.  It just goes along with the passive aggressive thing she does, instead of actually talking with a person when she has an issue.  If my teenage sister moving out caused us such financial stress, I would be too embarrassed to complain about it.  As a thirty-something (or a 29 year old), they should be able to make ends meet without her sister living there.  Her husband just got a raise and now they won't have to feed and pay for utilities her sister+baby used so why is there so much stress about money that she feels the need to vent about it?  I think she is just saying that because she is trying to make her sister feel bad.  She did a really shitty job when she was responsible for Marika before, so I don't expect this time to be any different.

 

Edited because I should probably proof read before hitting the submit button :P

March 23, 2013
4:11 pm
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Princess Buttercup
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Meows: 2488
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July 27, 2012

Even if there is some reason other than Marika's moving out that is causing the stress-maybe she ran up a credit card, or something-it really isn't something to talk about online. If Marika and her mother do have a contentious relationship, as women and their mothers sometimes do, how sad that her sister who advertises herself as her refuge is so quick to turn on her and badmouth her total strangers.

March 23, 2013
4:31 pm
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latinisdead

There's nothing to joke about with domestic violence. Domestic violence can happen to men as well. And women are more likely to murder their spouses because they are violent.

Sigh, I have to go now, I don't want to sit here hurting about my past so I move on.

March 23, 2013
4:35 pm
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crazy addict
LOLCat
Meows: 90
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January 31, 2013

Oops, wrong thread. A

March 23, 2013
4:37 pm
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quesera
LOLCat
Meows: 80
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December 17, 2012



Uh, yeah, obviously insulting people is her specialty.  I don't know you at all, but I even feel insulted reading that. 

 

I appreciate that. The gross thing is, at the time, her reaction was so visceral and unexpected that part of me wondered if maybe I was missing something–maybe *I* was in the wrong for imposing my non-can throwing values. She even wrote an enormous, condescending rant/entry about marital fighting, after our note exchange…somewhat similar to the recent rant she wrote about childhood mental illness. She could NOT handle being challenged, and went to great lengths to reassure herself that she was correct. 

 

I've seen her go for the throat with other people on OD, too. There was a young girl that Heather went after shortly after her interaction with me (I think the girl's "crime" was disagreeing with Heather). She wound up being completely lambasted by Heather's followers, like a swarm. The girl was completely overwhelmed by it, and very upset (not that Heather gave a shit.) In ways…I find tumblr to be some kind of karmic balance, since Heather used to lord over OD like she was ruler of the internet. At least on tumblr, she's routinely having to deal with criticism, even if it doesn't make a dent.

 

Did she ever tell you if she was joking or if she actually did throw a can at her husband?  I've been married for 8 years, and no, Heather, I have never thrown anything at my husband in anger.  

 

She told me she's thrown things in anger, but never a can…and if she DID throw a can at him it would still be ok, because they are so mature and wise about relationships that they'd both know it was just part of being married. So….yeah.

 

On that note, when my husband and I did go through our roughest marital patch, we still never threw things at each other. But I'm sure Heather would tell me that we couldn't have gone through anything that difficult, because the MANDATORY outcome of stress is for spouses to physical threaten or assault each other. 

March 23, 2013
5:23 pm
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Princess Buttercup
Feline Porklord
Meows: 2488
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July 27, 2012

Yeah, I'm sorry, my husband and I have had hard times, bad times, and both internal and external stresses on our marriage but I would never throw things at him or physically harm him. I grew up in a house where that was done often and I consider it to be dysfunctional behavior and even if I didn't, I would never do such a thing in the same house with my children.  Things that are no big deal to adults can terrify children and even older children may not have the words to express concern or fear and seek reassurance about things like that.  

March 23, 2013
5:36 pm
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this is gallifrey
Senior Cat
Meows: 421
Snarking Since:
October 12, 2012

latinisdead said
This is the same woman who claims she was raped, and sexually molested and then enjoys fisting…sometimes I just don't get her.

I don't get her either, but I don't think there's anything wrong with that, per se. Not my cup of tea, but whatever.

March 24, 2013
3:49 pm
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latinisdead

A while ago she posted a gif of 90 shows flickering around and around. She says this makes her feel old. Um, lady, 93 you were only 10 years old. In 93 I was an adult and had moved out on my own. Then I guess tv shows from the 80s would be ancient to her.

hammersmack

More importantly, I watched TV from the 70s original Sesame Street, when they actually had actors on the set and they educated kids how to read and do simple math.

March 24, 2013
6:23 pm
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bananapie
Expert Hamcat
Meows: 512
Snarking Since:
September 19, 2012

The GIF is probably just her baiting us to talk about her age again. Nice try, Heather.


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