Mommy Blogging

Cecily Kellogg Is Now A Financial Adviser

Cecily Kellogg, of “You Do Not Get A Say” fame  is now writing for Citibank’s “Women & Co.” delving out financial advice.

Cecily details how she emerged like a phoenix from the ashes of almost bankruptcy in 2007 to Leona Helmsley status in three easy, obvious  steps:

Target a diverse client base.
This might seem obvious, but it’s true: You can’t put all your freelance eggs in one basket. Not only that, if you’re going to be a solopreneur, you have to make the commitment to spend time both nurturing your current clients and seeking new ones. I now set aside 10% of my time each week hustling to expand my client base.

Come January of each year, I do a reassessment and determine what worked and what didn’t. Then I restructure the five-year plan and set new goals.

Build up financial reserves.
This is still a work in progress for us, admittedly, but we are slowly building up savings with the goal of having six to 12 months of household expenses in an emergency fund. Most Americans don’t even keep that much stashed away. This will not only protect us from financial ruin when (not if) we lose a client—it also gives us the freedom to terminate a client relationship when it’s not working. This is critically important. (To read more about building an emergency fund as an entrepreneur, please read this Women & Co. story.)

Create a business strategy.
When I worked as a Marketing Director, each January I’d review the past year and make new goals based on a five-year strategic plan. I realized that I’d never created a long-term strategic plan for my business—again, something that should have been obvious. So I sat down and created a five-year plan, and then I determined the concrete steps I needed to take to meet my goals. Come January of each year, I now do a reassessment and determine what worked and what didn’t. Then I restructure the five-year plan and set new goals.

Though Ms. Kellogg has white washed her blog over the past two years, with a few strokes and a Google search it’s easy to see that as recently as 2010,  her husband was still utilizing his creative side to make ends meet and set a proper fiscal impression on their daughter.  I know that many bloggers like to think the Internet has no memory, but the richness of Cecily thinking she can pass this off without anyone batting an e-eyelash is hysterical.

I don’t know why Citibank thinks women need a separate “safe” place to take on such “scary” endeavors as their financial future, or why they didn’t do a proper background check on what a hack their choice of financial guru is, but I will take a stab at the three actual steps Cecily has taken in the past, present and future to ensure financial instability:

  1. Set up donation button on blog.
  2. Depend on retired/dead relatives to supplement income.
  3. Whine on Twitter about not having Christmas. Link paypal account.

I think that about sums it up.

  1. avatar BindsTheTuna

    This from a woman who, when facing financial ruin and the possible loss OF HER HOME, refused to give up her daily Red Bulls. And whose husband won’t work because, you know, sticking it to the man or some other shit.

    • avatar Christopher Walken

      Umm… excuse me? Her family is not doing well financially, and he is able to work and doesn’t?

      • avatar BindsTheTuna

        I think he does some freelance editing here and there, but as best I can tell, that’s it.

      • avatar Virginia Apple

        he’s a “poet.”

        • avatar Strawberry Shampoo

          If you’ve ever read any of his stuff, you can tell he wishes he still drank too… because it was the last time he actually thought of himself as interesting, or had any fun. Cecily is just the latest version of the abusive mother Charlie conjures up when he needs to claim the emotional damage that keeps him from using the Ivy League education his father paid for… but I guess the paleo-gravy train beats panhandling or getting a job.

          • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

            What university did he attend?
            These two, I just can’t.

            • avatar winothepooh


              • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

                I am taking that to mean that at one point he showed some direction in life, but life with Ursula has completely squandered everything for him. I don’t disagree completely, (he’s an adult after all) but thinking along these lines isn’t going to get them anywhere.
                He’d much rather just wallow in despair.
                I hate them so much. They are up there with Jenna and Swavek, and the Younger-Smugsons.

              • avatar The Cabinet of Dr. Bobby

                “life with Ursula” OMG DEAD

        • avatar Internetinator

          When they have families to support– poets can work, too.

          Live your life how you want, if you’re sharing it with an adult(s) who are OK with it.

          But the minute you build a family… support it.

          • avatar hockeygirl

            A poet I follow on the internet is a single mom, works a full time job, and is about to publish her second full-length poetry manuscript with a well-respected mid-sized press. Most of the poets I know earn their keep working for The Man in some form or another and work on their poetry outside of paid work hours. It might mean getting up at 4 a.m., but it can be done.

      • avatar Hugh Jass

        My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have a similar thing going. She works full-time, but he works part-time. He got one interview for full-time work over a year ago, and when he didn’t get it, he gave up. He spends most of his non-working time blowing what little money they have on numerous techie gadgets (a three iPad family), music, and movies. At least one of their three kids are at my in-laws at any given time, and both families supplement their incomes.

        Thankfully, all of that free time gives my brother-in-law ample time to bitch about how our lives are a piece of cake because we only have one child as opposed to their three (all planned, by the way). Oh, and he also frequently whines about how we have more money than they do because of said children, despite the fact that both my husband and I work full-time, we aren’t compulsive spenders, we didn’t overbuy on our house, etc. Somehow we’re generally to blame for his laziness and really poor decisions. It’s really amazing to have that kind of power over someone, I’ll tell you.

        • avatar Christopher Walken

          Holy shit. How do you deal with him!? I can’t understand people like that. Do you think deep down he knows he’s a jackass, or do you think he genuinely believes the crap he feeds himself?

  2. avatar Fat Freddys Cat

    Every time I see or hear about these two, she and her husband, I can hear Bob Dylan singing that line about “pimps and hustlers.” These people are cockroaches.

  3. avatar mel

    A “Marketing Director” of what???

    • avatar MissShannon

      She worked in the bookstore of a small college. No, really.

  4. avatar Rhodesian Sailor

    I still remember when she shilled for a matress by telling her readers all about being on all fours.
    Keep it classy, Ursula

    • avatar Snarkypuss

      This shit made me laugh way too hard. Well played.

      • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

        Thank you, catlady. That was my introduction to this cow.

    • avatar SmuggyMcSmuggerson

      Oh god, it’s her is she? Save us from this fuckery.

    • avatar MrsG

      As if the thought of the woman who depends on her ill mother financially yet calls her a “babysitter” wasn’t enough…this reminder. Gross. Fork, please. My mind’s eye needs popping.

    • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

      This doesn’t gross me out as much as the thought of her one day saying “body language” like she did in the Little Mermaid

  5. avatar KB

    Oh HELL NO. Damn Citibank — way to go with your choices.

    • avatar ratherbeinmelbourne

      I’ve been a Citigold customer for 15 years & tweeted at “Women & Co.” saying I find it comical that Bankrupt Cecily is writing for them…no response.

  6. avatar FatPanda

    I think I’m more pissed that Citibank thinks my D-cup and estrogen counts merit a totally separate and oversimplified spate of financial advice–especially from this financial anti-wunderkind. Silly me, thinking I could find real answers for diversifying my investments when I have ovaries! I guess math IS hard, Barbie!

    • avatar Miss Noir

      Let’s go shopping!

      • avatar Sister friend

        Mani-pedi time, amirite!!! Girls!!!

        • avatar Miss Noir

          Quick~ ask your husband for some money!

          • avatar FatPanda

            Put it in your pink day planner with your pink Bic pen!

          • avatar No one's going to pay me to eat carrot sticks

            French braids for all!

          • avatar Heather Duke

            My husband said I spend far too much time with you hams, so I cried like I was Lucille Ball. Now I am grounded from GOMI for a week.

            • avatar kelly gaura

              My vagina renders me unable to think for myself. Luckily I have a Citibank card and I just charge everything. Big Hubby pays the bills. After all, I’m just a girl. *giggle*

          • avatar Sister friend

            I asked my husband for some money, and he said I spent my whole allowance already on my new hat! Gosh, money is so hard! Now I have to come up with a madcap scheme to get more money, convince my zany friend to help me, fail miserably, let my husband make fun of my naivety, and see if he gives me the money that way!

            Being a lady-woman kind of person is so hard!

            • avatar jeh

              Person?!?! Keep your radical feminist ideas to yourself. I may have to swoon now.

    • avatar RWD

      I went to the site specifically to find a place to share my feelings on how sexist this site is. I got a popup survey and ripped them a new one.

      • avatar SmuggyMcSmuggerson

        We should all express out feelings about this.

        • avatar Heather Duke

          I have too many feels about this, I cannot select one. Can I borrow a feeling? Please?

      • avatar Klarastan

        I just did so as well. Delicious.

  7. avatar PricklyPete

    Up next: Nicole and Gwendolyn starts giving healthy living advice for Whole Foods, and KERF becomes a healthy living advocate for Anthem BCBS….oh, wait…

  8. avatar The fattest fat who ever fatted

    Cecily is financial adviser. Of course she is. The woman who stole from her mother-in-law and was counseled to remove the donation button from her blog because she looked like a damn beggar, the woman who needs her ailing mom to pay the mortgage and who cannot afford to get her two missing teeth dealt with, the woman who never pays her way at dinners with fellow bloggers and cannot afford a coffee from Starbucks while she is traveling is a financial adviser. It makes perfect sense and no one should question it.

    While we’re at it, Dooce should give advice for a happy marriage. That Wife should give instructions on raising children. Britt should hold classes on integrity. Gala Darling should give advice on how look dignified. Already Pretty should hold hair styling clinics. KERF should teach a class on growing smug-faced onions. Because why the fuck not…

    • avatar Eleanor Abernathy

      Well, someone needs to teach a class on how to grow smug-faced onions because I want some.

      • avatar Eyelash Sweater

        All I have ever wanted out of life is food that will judge me before I eat it.

        • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

          The only time this happened was when Audrey Hepburn went down on Jeremy Brett.

          • avatar racheld

            I have no idea what you’re talking about, but it’s still the best thing I’ve read in 2013. Quite disgusting, Holmes!

      • avatar Wait...What?

        I do not know what a smug-faced onion is….but now I want one too……

    • avatar MintaMinty

      Comparing Already Pretty’s hair to Cecily’s financial success is like comparing Apple to a that little bird who carved messages onto slabs of rock in The Flintstones.

      • avatar KERFETUS

        Don’t insult the little bird.


        • avatar herpderpsnarf

          Lady in redddddddddddddddddddddddddd

        • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan


        • avatar MEP

          I laughed out loud. Those SHOES!!!

        • avatar Wait...What?

          Does she own a mirror? Or have any friends? Or walk past a bank of reflective windows???????

          This makes my eyes hurt!

        • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

          “Hon, when I said I have an eye for a cute tomato, I didn’t mean this.”

      • avatar KERFETUS

        Also, Sally just brought on six regular contributors to her site. I really hope we get a post about that because good god, that’s gonna be a shit show.

    • avatar Tom Servo

      Remember Dooce’s SXSW panel on how to deal with bullies? Yeah.



    What sort of ridiculous new blogspeak is this?

  10. avatar Franky

    I try to get at least 3 “You do not get a say”s into each week.

    and then I giggle to myself.

    • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

      I say it at least twice a day (when I am at home) when my mom says I have had too much tea. You don’t get a say, Mama! (I address my mother in Spanish)

      • avatar Sammy Sosa's Bleaching Cream

        I want the phrase you say to her, verbatim. IN SPANISH.

        • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

          I say” You do not get a say, Mama” Only “Mama” in Spanish.
          If I were to say the entire phrase en espanol it would be ” Usted no tiene derecho de hablar, Mama.” (That sounds way harsh, though)
          I’ll try out some new phrasings in the coming days and try to decide on one.

          • avatar sponsoredpost

            That does sound harsh! You have no right to speak!! I’m saying this way from now on.

            • avatar Franky

              you have no right to speak: new favorite

            • avatar Rhodesian Sailor

              Which is why I’ve yet to say the whole phrase in Spanish.
              Although I would love it if Tori learned Spanish so she could say that to Ursula.

          • avatar Super Nintendo Chalmers

            “Usted no tiene derecho de hablar, Mama” is killing me.

            • avatar Miss Noir

              I want to change my username.

            • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

              I just know this is going to become a new meme and I’m giddy to know the origin!

  11. avatar Slinky

    Ugghh, just found out this trainwreck lives in my city. Go awaaayyy.

    • avatar boombalatty

      Even worse, I keep getting the feeling I’ve met her before. I’m roughly the same age and living in roughly the same area and I think I might have met her at a party about 15-16 years ago. She’s freaky familiar.

      • avatar Melinda

        Never fear – she doesnt live *in* Philadelphia. She’s at least 20 minutes outside the city, in the sad suburbs – not even Phila County. She just lies and says she lives in the city. Big surprise there.

        • avatar MintaMinty

          Which ‘burb? I am not a stalker, just want to know how un-Philly her “Philly” really is…

          • avatar Melinda

            She lives in Lansdowne, PA. About 30 minute drive outside of Phila. It’s in Delaware County. You can find her on It’s too easy to debunk this hack, really.

            • avatar boombalatty

              That makes me even more sure we have some overlapping social circles, unfortunately.

              • avatar boombalatty

                Wait…..does this mean that she has to drive her kid into Philly to that stupid fake school every day?

            • avatar jjinphilly

              Ugh. She lives in my little town?
              That bugs me. We deserve better

            • avatar voodoo hoodoo

              Lansdowne is about as far as you can throw a cat from the city. Seriously, it’s super close. Drive 30 minutes and you can be almost in chester county. She can hop on public transportation from where she is and be in the city in no time at all.

            • avatar Slinky

              LOL yeah. Lansdowne ain’t Philly, and I get to make that distinction because I live in/am from ACTUAL Philadelphia.

            • avatar ramonarickettes

              As much as they like to say it is, Delaware County is not Philadelphia. I grew up in South Jersey, 15 minutes away, closer than the kids who grew up in the Northeast and I still don’t say I am “from” Philadelphia unless I am on vacation and need to make a reference. But now that I live in the actual city, I can say it!

              My boyfriend used to live behind this “school” she takes her daughter too. If she is driving, it’s probably 20 minutes. If she ever has to take public transportation, forget it. She’d have to take the 101 trolley to the El to 30th Street, switch to a trolley, get off at 19th Street and grab the 17 bus to school. No way.

  12. avatar bitchwaffles

    AdvisOR. Yeah, I corrected you. I have nothing to lose.

    • avatar snoogerbot

      Financial AdvisER also is correct. I have worked for several.

      Interesting recent NYTimes article:

    • avatar Miss Noir

      Go fuck, loser.

      • avatar bitchwaffles


      • avatar snoogerbot

        Pardon me, is that comment for me or for Ms. Waffles?

        • avatar Miss Noir

          For bitchwaffles.

          And I may not seem “eloquent” while addressing you, BW, because I am being mindful of my audience.

          • avatar bitchwaffles

            Having read through the pile-on I started, you are clearly not at all mindful of your audience. Why not absorb the feedback you receive from multiple sources and tone down the animosity?

            • avatar Miss Noir

              Multiple, meaning you and Fatty Magoo?

              I’m not toning down anything. So, deal with it.

            • avatar Miss Noir

              Also, you having to chime in that I spelled “adviser/advisor” wrong isn’t giving me feedback on my animosity, it’s you being a pedantic pain in the ass because you don’t like my GOMI posts.

              This concern trolling that I don’t listen to constructive feedback is total bullshit. I try to be real about what I’m doing, you should to. You can say whatever you want to me. I don’t care. In return, I’ll respond to you how I see fit. See how this works?

              • avatar bitchwaffles

                The funny part is that I was actually wrong. Both/either are/is correct. Chickens rule. Luv, BW

      • avatar FattyMagoo

        You know, the more privileges PP gives you, the less pleasant you get. I thought you were a fun part of the community, but now you just seem like an overly touchy asshole who has just as much trouble taking criticism as the bloggers we snark on.

        • avatar douche canoe

          may i kiss you?

          • avatar FattyMagoo


            You may!

            • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

              Holy Ham!!!! This is the freakin’ FUNNIEST gif.
              I am dead.

        • avatar hor devours

          Oh, please. Pedantry’s the worst, especially when it’s inaccurate.

          See also: Jennifer Garner’s “correction” of Conan O’Brien’s use of the word “snuck.”

          • avatar FattyMagoo

            There’s a reason I made my comment and BW phrased hers the way she did. Correcting, contradicting or even just disagreeing with Miss Noir will earn you a “Go fuck, loser,” or a similarly clever insult. It’s not like this is a one time thing.

            • avatar hor devours

              Go fuck, loser!*

              *Just kidding. I wasn’t aware. One time I was incredibly and unreasonably rude to Miss Noir out of nowhere, and she took it in stride. (Cool story, bro, I know.)

              Anyway…let’s remember that this woman is giving “financial advice”:


              • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

                What’s really scary about this pic is I don’t think it’s photoshopped that much!

            • avatar Miss Noir

              Actually, it won’t. Many people disagree with me and that’s fine. Following me around and nit-picking everything I say, will get you a tongue in cheek “Go Fuck Loser.”

              I can’t hate on BW too much. I love her name.

              Also, as PP said, I’ve had the same “privileges” for quite some time, so this theory that I’ve become more unpleasant is unfounded. I’ve always been unpleasant.

    • avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

      Both terms are correct, I believe.

      My understanding is that “Financial Advisor” is the job title…while “financial adviser” is the job role. As McFailure cannot in any way claim the professional title, I will defend Miss Noir’s use of the term as the most (superficially) correct. As, actually, McFailure is not a financial adviser either.

      • avatar FattyMagoo

        I think “adviser” is predominately the UK spelling, but AP style uses it so it has infiltrated the US, and now we have a confusing mix of both.

        • avatar Belladonna Took

          In the UK we have practise and practice. Always gives me the confusions.


          • avatar Becamouse

            Practice has ice so it’s a noun, and practise has is in it making it a verb – I’m going to soccer practice to practise my soccer.

            Or practice – advice; practise – advise…

            • avatar Belladonna Took

              Yes I know about the noun and the verb, It still hurts my stupid brain. :)

    • avatar Already Pantless

      Also, it’s doling out, not delving.

  13. avatar Lamemoniker

    Do these companies read the Internet? How hard is it to have someone Google the person you are thinking of paying to tout your products/services? I know it has been happening for years, but it blows my mind that companies spend marketing dollars to “team up” with these bloggers to write half assed crap about their stuff. Is the target audience people who still haven’t figured out that reality TV shows are totally scripted?

    • avatar Karl Pilkington

      “blows my mind that companies spend marketing dollars to “team up” with these bloggers to write half assed crap about their stuff”

      You can thank organizations like Sway Group for many of those “team ups”. Now that Sweeteny xotrace teams bloggers and brands for a living you can expect even more “quality” team ups. Tracey’s making money teaming people like Cecily up with Citibank–why they hell would she care that the blogger is unqualified or unsuitable and the clients don’t appear to have any integrity either so it’s a match made in heaven.

      • avatar TardytotheTardis

        If Scam Group was paid to hook up this mess Citi should get its money back. With Citibank-level interest.

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