Internets

Partypants Is Out For Two Days, Post Ponies

Hey hams, I’m out for the next 48 hours with holiday family ish so I figured I’d do an open post.

Image I made for Chanukah

Image I made for Chanukah because seriously I have no life

Obviously if there’s an emergency text/email me but otherwise knock yourselves out discussing whatever here in the open post and/or forums. I’ll try to check in and say hi but if you get all OMG WHERES SAMSON over me you can see my Chanukah vomit on my Instaham and facebook.

So, yeah, Happy Holidays, be back after I candle up with hamily for a couple of days you basement losers!

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Fashion Blogging Internets

Audrey Doesn’t Even Care If You Know She Janks Her Gram

Audrey, of some “Frassy” blog, evidently doesn’t mind if folks know she has automated her Instagram in order to gain “real” followers.

Maybe try email next time.

Maybe try email next time.

And what is ‘instagress‘? Apparently it’s a service that is “designed to attract attention to your Instagram account and gain more comments, likes, and followers”. Rather than, I dunno, growing followers organically, bloggers now buy followers and carpet bomb social media services with random likes and follows until they get their numbers up. And with 31k followers, the strategies seem to be working for “Frassy”.

Seems there are a hundred ways to game the gram, kids.

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Internets WTF

Sundry Will Livetweet Her Marital Disputes

Linda, of All & Sundry, seems to be having a quarrel with her husband. Apparently he “scheduled a drywaller today, then disappeared into work meetings and became unreachable” and while Linda says the worker was “very very nice, and is a friend of a friend so works cheap”, she wanted twitter to “tell me I’m not completely crazy for being LIVID”. Meanwhile, her husband didn’t understand what all the yelling was about.

linda4

And then all holy sriracha enema broke loose. Linda’s rage grew until people began to wonder if she had been caught in the blast of gamma radiation, and she let it all loose on twitter.

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linda2

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Yep, she left the kids with her husband and took off to the honeymoon suite to enjoy the rainforest shower. She is now posting pictures of the Screw That Jagweed Holiday Hotel, and going to movies in her pajamas. She says her husband might “be like, how could you air our dirty laundry this way?” but Linda don’t curr – she claims “I’m done having secrets that make me feel bad.”

So let’s just sit back and see how this goes. Popcorn and box wine available at the concession stand.

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Internets Mommy Blogging

That Wife’s Drunk Humor Is Something Else

umyeahhhh

I can’t tell if That Wife is trolling or if she really doesn’t remember that thing that just happened. Either way this tweet is one of the best examples of wearing blinders I’ve ever seen. And how often is she going to remind us that she omgdrinks now?

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Internets Mommy Blogging WTF

Cecily Kellogg Is The Great White Story Changer

Cecilyk, race relations justice fighter from her sofa, jumped on yet another hashtag this week. During her train ride to LastStabAtRelevanceville, she tweeted this claim.

urthecrime

If you’re wondering why you’ve never heard this story before, don’t worry – you have. Just not this new version.

One version tells of a young Cecily joy riding with a friend’s car and being forced to apologize.

Pretty quickly we found their liquor stash, and soon we found their car keys, and we were driving their car through town, drunk…It was New Year’s Eve of 1981 when my mom asked me about the car…I was sure she knew everything, and I immediately confessed…I remember sitting in the house when the owners came back, forced to tell them what had happened, my mother rigid at my side. I remember the husband of that family looking stricken, saying, “Even now, I find myself wanting to trust you. How could you do this to us?” I remember feeling shame and yet burning with resentment, thinking that they were rich (they weren’t, the car was actually pretty old), what did it matter that I drank their booze and trashed their car?

In an earlier version she claimed “I got put in jail for a few hours as a kid to try to scare me straight after I stole a car at 13.”  Now via twitter she is evidently claiming she was not arrested – only the black kid involved was - and saying “only white people” don’t believe her story.

It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t add up; intarwebs reporters are still spreading her dubious tale around in their stories about the hashtag. Cecily whined to her facebook audience ”I’m still getting press requests”, and tweeted this self-important statement:

swamportant

…as if the press are chasing her down for comment like she’s Kate Middleton walking out of Boots with a pregnancy test.

So it looks like all her couch based hashtag activism has finally paid off by giving her a last stab at notoriety. I can’t wait to see how our new voice of racial justice changes the world, one “brown boy” at a time.

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