Mommy Blogging

BabyRabies Demands Excellent Service

Jill, uncrowned royalty from the house of Entitled, just wants to take her screaming, easily bored small children to a restaurant. I know, ugh, person with kids, why don’t they just go to McDonalds? Don’t worry – to make the experience easier for everyone, she has provided a handy dandy list for the service staff to follow while she is there!

The list includes totally reasonable requests like “Take my kids’ order fast” because apparently her kids get bored quickly, as well as an order to “Acknowledge my children”. She also advises waiters to “ Clean our table as we go” so forks don’t end up on the floor, and to always serve her children’s drinks with a lid.

But before you think she’s just another entitled mommy who thinks she is owed special treatment by the world, she reminds you (a couple of times) that’s she’s a SUPER GOOD tipper. She also waited tables for a few years, so she knows how easy it is to drop everything and laser focus on the needs of the throat clearing, arm waving mommy. So no excuses, people! Because god forbid a mother be treated like any other customer!

  1. avatar BabyMomma

    Jill’s blog is actually a total SOMI for me – I get where this post may come off as diva-ish, but she’s really far from it.

    • avatar FlounceCat


      • avatar what_is_written

        Will someone tell me what the context of this gif is? i LOVE it and have always wanted to know what she is responding to!

        • avatar Miss Noir

          It was something about how someone said to J-Law that playing Katniss was probably easy for her.

        • avatar this is gallifrey

          Someone asked this question in another thread recently. I think somebody in the audience yelled at her that she should marry her co-star (but I don’t know who that was at the time).

          • avatar this is gallifrey

            Miss Noir’s response makes more sense. I don’t know, I was just parroting what I read in the other thread!

        • avatar Ms. Quips-a-Lot

          This was covered in one of the other recent front page articles. I think someone said she should get married to Josh Hutchinson? Something like that.

        • avatar kittyhow

          I can’t hear but obviously someone in the audience says something to her.

  2. avatar FlounceCat

    “Take my kids’ order fast. We don’t need time to look at the menu for the kids. Stand there for 30 seconds while we glance over the kids menu and decide between chicken nuggets or pizza. Then get their order in quickly.”

    “If I’m not ready with my order when I place the kids’ order, please come back and check on me shortly after. Quick delivery of the kids’ food does me no good if they’re done eating it by the time I get mine.”

    “5. Don’t place hot (oven or spicy) items within arm’s reach of my grabby infant or toddler. Because duh.”

    OMG. I am becoming ragier with each one. Maybe travel with snacks for your kid. Maybe keep an eye on their grabby hands. Maybe just drive straight home instead of to a restaurant.

    • avatar this is gallifrey

      So she wants the waiter to stand there while the children decide, take their order, then walk away for a while, come back when the mother is ready and take hers? Why on earth?
      Why can’t the waiter take all the orders when everyone is ready, especially since it’s so important that they all arrive together?

      • avatar Martha

        While I would never expect a server to stand around and wait while I look at the menu and choose something for my kids, I DEFINITELY appreciate it when the server comes back quickly after seating me and let’s me put in my kids’ orders. (Actually, I usually do this when I place our drink orders.) It really does make a huge difference to get the kids food out as soon as possible.

        • avatar justeatalready

          Yeah, but then she says “Quick delivery of the kids’ food does me no good if they’re done eating it by the time I get mine.” So are they supposed to bring out all the food at the same time? Why does it matter if the kids orders are taken first, then?

          • avatar Meretrice

            She probably wasn’t clear.

            If she is like me, I ask the server to bring the children’s food out first. In my case, because my kids eat so sloooooowly. We (the grownups) will be sitting there a good 20 minutes at least waiting for my youngest to finish.

            But I do order everyone’s food at the same time. And I usually have a small snack in case my kids really, really can not wait for their food.

          • avatar HipHoppopotomous

            I’ve seen an article similar to this not too long ago that was suggestions for PARENTS about making dining out with children easier for everyone. That mother suggested an appetizer for everybody to share and getting that order in quickly, and possibly ordering the children’s meals at the same time. When the app comes out, grown ups order and there is enough time for everyone to be eating at once and the kids don’t get antsy. That approach makes more sense to me than this open letter to servers. Are restaurants really this oblivious to families needs? I’ve had pretty good luck so far with my daughter. That said, she’s not much of a table tyrant yet so who knows

    • avatar Reganomics

      Umm…if you make me wait 30 seconds at your table while you decide what to order and only give me half of your table’s order, I’m going to hate you. And if I hate you, I’m going to put you at the bottom of my to-do list for the rest of your stay. Are you ready to order? OK…see you in 6-7 minutes after I take care of everyone else in my section.

      There’s nothing wrong with her being picky about the restaurant experience she wants to have, but she needs to voice her needs upfront and be as efficient as she wants her waitstaff to be. Be ready with a complete drink order when you sit down, ask for lids, tell me that you’ll have the kids orders ready to go by the time that I get back with the drinks and that you want them in immediately. If you’re kid is ordering something off the menu and mumbling or almost in tears, for the love of God, order for him. Tell me you’ll be ready in 2 minutes and I’ll be back. Pile shit you need me to take back on a plate and when I come to check on you, ask me to clear it. If you’re honest about your time restraints or your kids likeliness to get fussy, I’ll just work harder to get everyone fed and out so I can pocket your 20% (which is expected and therefore not great) and move on to the next circus.

      • avatar Emily Gould Google Alert

        +1 to all of these points. Especially the mumbling kids! If your toddler is just making random noises, I am actually not able to decipher that.

    • avatar sonotamused

      I could barely get past “take my kids order fast” = listen, when I go out to eat, I don’t expect to have to socialize, entertain or interact with my kids. Just give me their food so they will *&^% sit down and eat and leave me the hell alone!

    • avatar x-designer

      I’m thinking “teach your kids how to behave in a restaurant” should be on the waiter’s list when she cries out these demands.

      • avatar NotThatKelly

        That is exactly what I was thinking. And I have an almost-three year old too. But she’s got to learn how to behave in public.

    • avatar tell that bitch to chill

      Yeah, I have 2 under 5 and I hate this list. I don’t think the waiter should put the big flambee or sizzling fajita plate next to the baby but short of that the parents should just move whatever needs moving like they do at home. Not a big deal. My kids also sometimes order something off of the regular menu like a salad with chicken–and they can wait, because delayed gratification is a basic skill that I’m teaching them. But I guess I’m just a judgmental bitch because I don’t feed my kids stuff at the grocery store before I’ve paid for it (I followed the link to her article about how silly it was of her to imagine she would have parenting standards before she had kids).

      • avatar Playdoughs Cave

        My kid gets her horizon chocolate milk during the store run and she’s good to go. NOT paying for it is a problem but giving it to them during the grocery store run? Meh.

        I think it is rude to demand anything with or without kids. My SIL is the worst. She used to be a server and now expects all servers to be perfect. She’s downright rude.

    • avatar Urethra Franklin

      Just because this woman “tips well” doesn’t give her the right to be a fucking asshole. Wait staff have better things to do than listen to the demands of a woman who clearly sucks at being a mom and can’t control her own children. What a self-entitled cunt.

  3. avatar GetMePizzaYouOldTroll

    you know what makes it easier to eat in a restaurant with kids? TEACHING THEM MANNERS AND HOW TO BEHAVE.

    • avatar so many sarahs

      There you freaking go. Funny how that’s worked for me all these years. Three kittens, over ten years time, and eating out fairly often, and yet never have I felt the need to write a directive to all waitstaff, everywhere. We usually have a pretty good time.

      • avatar Incredibly Drippy Goatmeal

        Same here! 5, 8, and 13, and we almost always have a pleasant experience eating out, because we teach the kids some damn manners and insist that they use them.

        • avatar dayman

          and when they don’t, it’s MY problem, not the restaurants, for gods’ sake.

          Kids act up in restaurants sometimes. they’re learning how to be non-feral. it totally sucks, but that’s called PARENTHOOD. bring your own crayons/books/entertainment, bring your own damn sippy cup, pray for the best, and be prepared to leave if they lose their shit.

          and personally, I always tip extra when I’m out with my kids because even when they are well-behaved, there’s always just…MORE for the waitstaff to deal with and unless we’re at Chuck E Cheese, they didn’t ask me to come in with kids.

    • avatar Profanity Jane

      This. Just this.

    • avatar Miss Noir

      AMEN. When I first got together with Mr. Noir, his Noirlings were itty-bitty and hell on wheels in a restaurant. I think he, so enthralled with his loin fruit he had gifted the world, thought it was cute? It wasn’t. One night at Max and Ermas while I was jet lagged I finally laid into him about how every other person in that restaurant didn’t come to the zoo to eat and that he needed to get the kids under control. If they couldn’t be controlled, then they didn’t get to go out to eat.

      It took time, but by god, those kids have impeccable restaurant manners.

      • avatar GetMePizzaYouOldTroll

        exactly! we have been taking TT out to eat 1-2 times a week since he was an infant. you can’t just expect them to know what is acceptable in a restaurant, you have to teach them!

        • avatar BitchyMom

          When I was pregnant with my oldest, 18yrs ago, I read an article, or something (it was a long time ago, damn) about a single mom who took her son out to eat at least once a week from the time he was an infant. That, and teaching him how to behave at the dinner table at home, had turned him into quite the diner with impeccable manners in public.
          I took that theory and ran with it.
          Three kids later, things didn’t always run smoothly, but I was also not above getting on my hands and knees and cleaning up any mess my kid made under the table. Or even taking the kids to the car while my husband settled the bill and had our food packed up to go because someone decided to have a meltdown. There’s no reason at all to inflict your kids bad day onto anyone else

          Now the biggest issue we have at restaurants is that none of my kids are young enough to get the kids menu discounts, lol

    • avatar Christopher Walken


      • avatar SweetCheeks

        Nothing to add. Just wanted to look like I was busy doing something important whilst I loitered under this gif.

      • avatar so many sarahs

        Holy cow-cats. Best gif in history.

    • avatar Allergic Girl

      THIS. I cannot tell you how many times people have given me the side eye when I walk into an eating place with my three oldest–even if it’s a Burger King–and then end up coming up to me while they’re leaving to compliment me on my kids’ manners. It’s usually older folks, who are accustomed to having to listen to whining and screaming. I always want to say “This is what we used to expect from kids.” For some reason modern parents have decided it’s normal or desirable for their children to act like feral beasts and it’s the public’s fault for not putting up with it. Oy.

      • avatar LadySybil

        It took exactly one time of getting up and leaving a restaurant (paying first, of course) due to behavior for my kids to get it. They act up, we go home, and the ride home isn’t pleasant. You want to be a member of society? Then don’t act like a drunken seal at the table. My kids are both under 5 and they know what is expected of them in restaurants. They also know it’s privilege that can be revoked.

        I do like Jill, but this made me roll my eyes. All hail the MOMMIES!

        • avatar PoppingBaubles

          laughing so hard at drunken seal comment.

          • avatar Allergic Girl

            I know, I keep reading it and snickering to myself. Must remember that phrase!

          • avatar The Old Bailey

            Me too.

          • avatar Say Rah

            Me three

          • avatar eeee

            Does anyone have a link to a YouTube of a drunken seal? Even a slightly tipsy manatee would suffice. I love this phrase and wish I could see how it looks in real life.

        • avatar Kat

          I laughed so hard at the drunken seal comment.

    • avatar Slurp

      Yeah, but there’s an age when they are not so amenable to good behaviour. (2-5, in my experience). When we had one toddler we would go out to eat, and if she was cranky one parent could take her outside while the other ate. When we had two toddlers, we only did take-out for some years, otherwise it was not a pleasant experience for anyone. \

      But yes, we too tipped extra.

      • avatar Seen, Not Heard

        “Yeah, but there’s an age when they are not so amenable to good behaviour. (2-5, in my experience). ”

        Then leave them at home where they belong.

        • avatar Karen Walker

          She said she got take out. So I guess she did leave them at home. No need to be a bitch to her.

        • avatar Sarah

          Comments like this are exactly why GOMI is becoming (or has it always been?) a place for outright vitriol, not just hysterical snark. In what fantasy world do you live where parents ($) can go out to eat on occasion ($$) *and* hire a sitter ($$$) just so they can have a night without the arduous task of cooking, taking care of the kids during “witching hour,” and dishes?
          I once read PP state (paraphrase) that she wants GOMI to be a place where all points of view–preferably those that are rational–could be expressed without anyone fearing an attack. I guess the (biased) moderators are taking a break from ensuring that doesn’t happen. Some of these people are outright vicious. “Seen, Not Heard”? I mean, really? How horrible is that? And silly, for that matter–because how else are children supposed to learn how to interact with the public than to be engrossed in it on occasion? My gods, toddlers only just came out of the womb two or three years ago and you expect them to know the intricacies of appropriate social behavior when you, as an adult, can’t even be arsed to have manners online, or a general sense of human empathy or understanding? This response stands for anyone who’s made a similar insinuation, by the way, so don’t feel at all singled out, unlike the parents who enjoy[ed] GOMI (before this post).

    • avatar Bucky

      Yep, my kittens are 9 and 11, and we’ve never had an embarrassing meal in a restaurant due to their behaviour. When they were tiny I had a bag with crayons, paper, hot wheels and sippy cups in it. The kittens were taught to use their inside voices and say please and thank you to the wait staff. If you lay the foundation from the beginning, then a list of demands isn’t needed.

    • avatar Babby Forming, Despite Life-Threatening Heels

      Hello. Hi. And YES.

    • avatar Ali Cat

      THANK YOU. If it’s so important to get your kids’ orders in fast, why don’t YOU– the PARENT– make the life-altering decision of whether your speshul snowflake gets pizza or chicken fingers so the server doesn’t stand there waiting for your little feet-swinging king to make up his mind?

      I was a server, too. Congratulations, Baby Birthing Goddess– your visit just got ten to fifteen minutes longer thanks to the fact that you’ve made it clear your time is more precious than everyone else in the restaurant.

    • avatar SeaSea

      I 100% agree – but I don’t think it’s quite fair to suggest that the author of the post doesn’t teach her kids manners, simply because she’s suggesting ways for other people to contribute to them having a good restaurant experience. Don’t get me wrong – her post came off as kind of snotty and entitled to me, but even if your kids have amazing restaurant manners, they’re still kids, and it still helps when things move quickly and smoothly on the other end as well, which I think is what she was trying to say. Or maybe not. Either way, just wanted to add my two cents!

  4. avatar Coffee Cup

    I think kids don’t belong in restaurants. Including my kids.

    • avatar Allergic Girl

      I have four kids and only take the three oldest out to eat, when we do eat out, which is a rare treat. The toddler is not two yet and extremely uncivilized.

      • avatar Profanity Jane

        I call it the Toddler Restaurant Rule – there are no restaurants you could pay me to take my kids to when they’re toddlers. No way, nuh uh.

      • avatar purplemonkeydishwasher

        Yes, only my preschooler is allowed to go out for meals these days because she can be trusted to sit nicely, unlike her unruly little brother.

    • avatar Bene_Gesserit

      I took my (single) child to buffets so she could learn manners…but it’s a lot easier to wrangle one kid, and buffets aren’t renowned for being super formal.

      • avatar Allergic Girl

        Yep, when we only had one we ate out more and took him with us, and he did great because there were two of us and one of him. Once we got outnumbered it just made more sense to save eating out for very special occasions (and then one of us stays home with the baby while the other takes the three oldest out) or get takeout and enjoy it at home, where the toddler can get up from the table every two bites, as you do, and run around the dining room.

  5. avatar Hera

    I remember going to restaurants with my parents and younger sister. Dining out went well because of two factors: 1) My sister and I knew how to behave as a direct result of 2) My parents didn’t suck as people and they understood that the general public and waitstaff shouldn’t have to be inconvienienced because they made the choice to have kids.

    • avatar Profanity Jane

      Do you know (I’m going to stop multi-commenting after hits) the older I get the more I appreciate my parents for being practical, firm, consistent, and reasonable, and for never, ever, ever tolerating shitty behavior in public. Their example has made my job so much easier, because I don’t ever have to wonder, “If my kid is bored in a restaurant, is that the waiter’s fault? Should I write a blog post about that?”

      • avatar Allergic Girl

        I once worked at a now-defunct Sesame Street clothing store (for my sins). This was long before I had kids, and I remember this seven year old not wanting to leave the store. He literally threw himself on the ground and kicked and screamed and held on to the train table. Instead of hauling his ass out of there, his mother squatted down to talk nicely to him. “Please, honey can we go now? Come on, let’s go, sweetie.” OMG. I vowed then and there that my kids would never be “those kids.”

        • avatar Harriet Chetwode-Talbot

          The sweet-talking parents are just so terrible. I was having coffee with girlfriends once and the two kids in the adjacent booth were playing trampoline with the booth seats, which made my seat go up and down as well. The girl nearly trampled all over my camera bag before I yanked it away. And the mother just sat there, smiled, and said, “Now now, settle down, dear.”

          • avatar ativan annie

            One of my kids had a friend whose mom was like that. She would spend so much time trying to placate this 5 year old, it was just insane.
            We took the kid out for dinner once and boy, was she shocked when we refused to count the french fries to ensure that she and my daughter had received exactly the same number.
            She also tried to grab away one of the quarters we were dropping in a Salvation Army bell-ringer’s bucket, because it was one of those state ones, and she needed it for her collection.
            Parents who don’t do the hard work themselves of instilling basic manners have a lot to answer for when their kids grow up to be self-entitled assholes.

          • avatar Allergic Girl

            Yeah, I am not a sweet talking mom. I had a child-free friend once who would tell everybody that she couldn’t believe my toddler could go with us to a scrapbooking store without tearing things to bits. I was over at her house once and her dog started to edge towards a plate of food someone had left on the table and I barked “NO” very firmly and that dog dropped to the floor so fast. My friend laughed and said “See, that’s what I mean–she’s got the toddler/dog command voice down!” When they’re little it’s all about tone until they understand the words. I don’t yell at my kids (unless they’re really defying rules, which happens) but they know from my tone that I mean business.

            • avatar Profanity Jane

              When we were growing up, we called that our mom’s “hell-death” voice.

              I discovered at some point… I inherited it. I have barked at my kids and watched other people’s children freeze. It is an awesome instrument, and I thank my mom (rest her soul) that she gave it to me.

        • avatar HipsterSelfie

          At Target recently I saw a kid pull that stunt and his mom kept walking for about five steps, then turned to him and said (in a low voice) “That is NOT appropriate.” He immediately got up and walked away. It was the most badass thing I have ever seen.

  6. avatar Christopher Walken

    Holy. Effing. Shit. This woman is unreal.

    She needs to stand back and take a look at what she just wrote.


  7. Most of this is just being a good server, tbh

    • avatar Miss Noir

      It really is. Always cups with lids unless you want to break out the mop. Servers don’t want those little hellions in their station any longer than the parent does. Get them out and if they throw cheerios all over the fucking place, you better leave 35% on that table, goddammit.

    • Sorry but I don’t think Bob’s Porch Cafe Grill should be expected to give a fuck if your meals are perfectly timed to your child’s ability to not be a bored little asshole. It’s not a waiter’s job to make sure your kids behave in public.

      • avatar eatlivesmug

        It’s not that it’s the restaurants responsibility, it’s just that as a server–it’s wise to do so. Servers are motivated by one thing, tips. That means when you see a table of rugrats walking in, you know that you want to flip them and them the fuck out ASAP so you can get a real table in to build a substantial check.

        • avatar SURI

          As someone who once was a server I’d say “fuck it” to a customer like this and just lose the whopping 5 bucks she was probably gonna throw my way. Chances are the server has many other tables, with much less demand, that will tip better.

          I get what you’re saying, it should just be a thing you do automatically, but when shit is so busy you can’t stand around waiting on some princess to decide what to order.

          • avatar Dowager Duchess of Hamlandia

            Suri, She is not going to leave a decent tip ever.

            Bring my kids this and bring me that and not at the same time and clean my table as my kids mess it up and oh yeah unless you have sippy cups for them they are going to spill everything. God knows she couldn’t be bothered to bring her own sippy cups and ask that they use those. No, she does not have goldfish for her kids to snack on either so get them some food fast.

            Those are basic diaper bag supplies and she can’t be bothered with that. So I doubt she bothers being concerned about tipping.

      • avatar Mockingbird


      • oh no, definitely not. but when i was waiting tables i tried to do things like put hot plates out of reach of grabby hands and ask if they want a cup with a lid on it to save myself from a screeching kid or a pissed parent, thus affecting my tip.

        • avatar swimminginvinegar

          Am I a douche if I order for my kids the minute we sit down? They are little, I know what they want and in all likelihood they are hungry. So then the adults order later. But I don’t give a crap when my food comes.

          I tip well too and clean up the table. I do try. The youngest has crap manners because he’s 19m.
          But seriously. Is it an asshole move to order right away?

          • avatar Ms. Quips-a-Lot

            No. It’s helpful.

          • avatar WeeWillyWinkie

            I don’t have any kids, and half the time I still place my food order along with my drink order, because I’m a Hungry Hungry Hippo.

            And then when my meal comes I ask for the check “when you get a chance.” I’m pretty wham bam, thank you ma’am with my dining, but I’m always super polite about everything and a big tipper, because I’ve waited tables too.

          • Nope. The sooner the kid’s order is in, the sooner their food is out, and the sooner they have something to focus on.

          • avatar Edith

            But you didn’t specify ” If I’m not ready with my order when I place the kids’ order, please come back and check on me shortly after. Quick delivery of the kids’ food does me no good if they’re done eating it by the time I get mine.” THAT’S the asshole part. : )

          • avatar Bucky

            No. It’s whatever works best for your family. We always ordered together, but lots of people order the kids’ food first.

          • avatar Seen, Not Heard

            “The youngest has crap manners because he’s 19m.”

            Er, age is no excuse for crap manners. Crap manners come from crap parenting. End of story.

            • avatar Alice

              I don’t think that’s always true. He’s 19 MONTHS for crying out loud, not 19 YEARS. Are kids expected to have perfect manners from the womb? I hate kids as much as the next Child-Free Ham, but I don’t think it’s fair to say that since a 19m old kid has crap manners it’s the parents fault. I’m sure they’re trying to teach him manners – it takes time to sink into their brains. Do I get annoyed with babies crying and toddlers being assholes? Yes, but I it’s not always the parents fault. They’re KIDS. Some kids are hellions because of their parents, but I don’t think that applies until at least 3 years old.

      • avatar Playdoughs Cave

        I think the stuff she wrote is in the server’s job responsibility as a good worker. Kids are the public. But I agree with the other poster that if you want stuff taken away, pile it on a plate and ask. If you want your check, ask. Move the hot plates yourself if they are too close. Ask for lids. Communicate, it’s a lost art.

        But as a parent, I have a job too. Many don’t do it. I don’t want double the work because staff is not trained to serve families.

    • avatar Wait...What???

      This was my thought. Almost always the servers I’ve experienced did these things. If not, I’d ask politely and they would accommodate. I don’t think that I’ve ever had a server ignore my kids, especially if my kids spoke directly to the server.

      • avatar Wait...What???

        Oh…and if the high chair or booster is dirty…..don’t eat there! If they are not cleaning the high chair….they might not be cleaning other things.

      • avatar Gypsy Mama

        I get servers that ignore my kid all the flippin’ time. Irritates the shit out of me. If a human being (small or not) is saying hi to you, you can say hi back. I don’t expect anyone to fawn over my crotchfruit, but some things just fall under courtesy.

        • avatar The Old Bailey

          I love saying hi to kids. But I have gotten the stinkeye from parents before, for responding to a “hi” from their child. Not a ton, most parents are normal and friendly, but you do start to second-guess yourself, like, “Is it inappropriate to talk to children now? Is it my face? WHO AM I?”

  8. avatar hardboiled

    I have a 1.5 year old daughter, and I’m very careful about taking her to restaurants. I make sure it’s a ‘kid-friendly’ place in advance, and I make sure we’re there at a time when she’s more likely to be in a good mood. She is required to stay in her seat, and if she starts screaming I calmly give her one warning, then it’s out to the parking lot we go. I bring snacks for her in case meals take a long time coming, and an empty sippy cup to transfer her drink into.

    It’s not the restaurant’s job to make sure your kids behave – it’s the PARENTS job.

    • avatar Hannah

      Yes, this exactly. We have three kittens aged 7, 5, and 17 months, and we take them out to restaurants a couple of times a month. We prepare ahead of time, go to kid-friendly places NOT during peak hours, bring a sippy cup, etc etc. The older boys order their own meals politely and we keep the littlest one in line.

      Some of her tips I would actually agree with – the one about not placing very hot food directly in front of the toddler is a personal pet peeve – but her whole tone smacks of bitchy entitlement mommy, and that just makes us all look like assholes.

      • avatar ingenuous wench

        Honestly, I agreed with all of her tips. My little ham cutlet the is eighteen months and we go out to eat regularly. I bring her own cup because I haven’t taught her how to use a straw yet, and I clean up after her because I used to wait tables and I’m not an ass. But none of her tips were beyond the pale, to me.

        (And I was glad to see The Bitchy Waiter agreed.)

        HOWEVER, the way she wrote it, the fact she wrote it, makes her sound like an entitled bitch. Does she have such blog-notoriety that she thinks all the servers in her town are reading it and taking notes? Who the hell is her audience?

  9. avatar snoogerbot

    The Bitchy Waiter couldn’t find fault with this, per Facebook:

    “I was ready to rip this article apart, but I can’t do it. I hate to admit it, but she’s right on every single account. Damn it! I was so ready to rip away!”!/pages/Bitchy-Waiter/112430746683

    He’s a good read.

    • avatar The Old Bailey

      LOVE the Bitchy Waiter.

    • avatar IJustBlueMyself

      Yeah I thought, if the Bitchy Waiter doesn’t have a problem with this…

  10. avatar Eyelash Sweater

    Man, I love kids and can’t wait to have my own, but this is nuts. If your child can’t handle sitting down for 10-15 minutes, then why are you at a restaurant with them? The last little girl that I nannied for tried to whistle pitch shriek at me while we were at a cafe, I attempted to redirect, and then we scooted out of there. Because other people didn’t sign up for that shit. We ate at the park and we were both happier.

    • avatar eatlivesmug

      Once where I was working we had a kindergarten graduation reserve the entire dining room. The parents decided to sit the children (FIVE YEAR OLDS) just at their own tables, and the parents sat at other tables. So, that was a shit show. The kids were literally running around the dining room as the parents sipped their martinis and gushed about how precious they were.

      Children running around a restaurant is so fucking dangerous. You have servers carrying around trays with 9-10 hot entrees on them, as well as drink trays, etc. You are just asking for a disaster.

      • avatar Eyelash Sweater

        That has to be the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard.

        • avatar eatlivesmug

          It was the only time in my serving career that I came close to just walking out.

          • avatar Eyelash Sweater

            This awful woman used to dump her kids off at my movie store to play video games while she went grocery shopping down the street. It was literally the worst. No supervision? The children were awful and then she’d never want to pay her late fines for her two week late movies. I wanted to walk out after dealing with her and her children a few times.

            • avatar userfriendly

              Wait, can I just ask how the hell she got away with that? Couldn’t someone have called the cops after the first or second time because she left them there on their own?

              • avatar Princess Tiny Feet

                I worked at a party supply store that parents regularly used as a babysitting service. A group of 8-year-old boys once came in, decked themselves out in pimp costumes, and strutted around the store.

                My impression was that management didn’t want to deal with the shitshow that comes with calling the cops. It’s easier to let the kids run amok. Well, if you’re management and don’t have to pick up the mess they left behind, anyway.

              • avatar Eyelash Sweater

                We were told to let it slide. Which I thought was just so fucking beyond.

      • avatar WashingMachineHugger

        Ugh. This is how it is with my in-laws – whenever we all go to a restaurant, I’m so embarrassed by the 10 kids (yes 10, I have tons of in-laws) running amuck through the dining room, disturbing other patrons. Not a single one knows how to behave in public. It’s awful and I despise going to restaurants with them.

    • avatar Edith

      There you go — take the food to go and eat elsewhere if your kid can’t handle it. Or get takeout. Or delivery.

  11. avatar Harriet Chetwode-Talbot

    In the Facebook comments below she continues to insist that she wrote these in the form of “tips” or “suggestions,” but the tone of her article sounds so condescending. I mean, her “tips” make her sound like a princess directing servants.

  12. avatar Pineapple Head

    I have a toddler and we go to restaurants. We bring an arsenal of things to keep her busy, we go during off hours and we go to places that are kid friendly. Do I expect special service, hell no! If our child starts having a melt down that’s our problem, one of us leaves the other gets our stuff to go and pays. That rarely happens because we’ve taught her how to behave and have manners at a restaurant. And we tip.
    Why is it that people think that because they had sex and had a baby that somehow they should be given better treatment by everyone and are so quick to complain about it? Maybe something is wrong with me?

    • avatar Fizzle

      Yep. We bring toys, a highchair cover (both for our child’s sake and for every other child’s since mine is a hot food mess), snacks if we think he won’t make it the 20 minutes until his food arrives and our own cup because he hasn’t mastered straws yet. It’s a pain in the ass, but we’re choosing to go out to dinner and we’re the parents, so it’s our job to not ruin everyone else’s night. And if my kid can’t handle it, we get the food to go and leave. I don’t need a server to do anything special for my kid because it’s not their job- it’s mine.

  13. avatar eatlivesmug

    So I work as a waitress to pay for college, and despite her disclaimer–I doubt this bitch ever did. First of all, tables with kids suck. They make obnoxious messes, the parents are 9 times out of 10 completely oblivious, and they seem to think that the world revolves around them. Newsflash, it doesn’t. That being said, most of these things are fairly common sense. I always ask a table with young children if they want me to put their order in first, and lids are just a way of knowing I’m not mopping later.

    Also, I just totally have the feeling she thinks 20% is a generous tip. Newsflash, it’s not.

    • Yeah really, any decent wait staff will know that lids on cups and not making people perform acrobatics to get their check are pretty fucking common sense basic service rules. It’s the whole I’M A MOMMY, SO I AM MORE ENTITLED TO SUPER GOOD SERVICE tone that’s offputting.

      • avatar Miss Noir

        I agree PP. She sounds like an asshole who thinks she deserves a medal for fulfilling a biological imperative.

        • avatar Tits McGee

          Of course she’s an asshole. She’s got her head up The Feminist Breeder’s bum. Can’t expect any better from her!

      • avatar eatlivesmug

        Oh no she most definitely sounds like an asshole. Seriously, servers work their asses off. And almost all of these problems can be solved by just fucking telling them in the beginning! We’re not mind readers.

    • avatar 90s hair

      This isn’t about eating with kids but… When I was a waitress years ago, a guy came in who looked like a total zombie. I thought he was blackout drunk or maybe dying. He sat in front of the TVs and just stared. His friend came up to me, handed me a $50 and said, “This guy’s wife just had a baby. It’s his first time out of the house. He’s got $200 to spend in 3 hours, when he has to be back. Keep ‘em coming.” Then they left me whatever he didn’t spend as a tip.

      • avatar hockeygirl

        I haven’t waited tables in years, but I’ll never forget the guy who came in just as the manager was about to decide to close my section because it was empty and it was late, and proceeded to order the cheapest sandwich on the menu and an iced tee (free refills). Grumble. Then he left me $15.00 for a seven dollar check. Sometimes people are awesome.

        • avatar Say Rah

          My favorite tip story was this guy was falling over drunk and hitting on these girls who were less than impressed. I could tell they were getting annoyed, so nicely handed him his bill and told him to walk back to his hotel (across the street). He agrees, but is too drunk to sign his check so he asks one of the girls to do so. She left me a $100 tip and signed away. Pretty funny and worked out well for me.

          • avatar Beezus Christ

            Once I had a table of about eight people with a $150 breakfast tab (this was in the late 90′s) and when I brought the check, apparently two people got their signals crossed and each left the entire amount plus a big tip on the table, then left. When I got to the table to start clearing, it was too late: they were gone. Cha-ching!!

      • avatar Mean Twinkie

        That’s a great story!

    • avatar Reganomics

      I got the same feeling about her idea of a great tip. It’s like calling yourself a great lover because you did the same ole routine to get your lover off before bed.

    • avatar jpa

      Agreed! If she’s ever been a waitress, I bet she’d tip 20% base unless the service was awful.

      • avatar NonBloggerMommy

        Idk, I’ve never been a waitress and that’s my standard. I just feel that they deserve it.

        • avatar Edith

          Me too. I could never do that job, kudos to those who can with a smile, much less without clocking someone upside the head.

        • avatar Maeby, we're having a family meeting

          Me three. Food service jobs have so many shitty moments.

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