Mommy Blogging

“A Mother Thing” Doesn’t Plan To Do A Thing

Katie, a blogger with kids who apparently suffers from Munchausen-by-drama, has had a crazy life. Sounding like the first 30 minutes of any “Final Destination” film combined with a Lifetime movie, she claims her existence has been peppered with near death experiences – by trainwreck, plane crash, almost being in NYC during 9/11 – and also claims to be a victim of a kidnapping.

Now it seems she has a new drama to bask in. Apparently Katie’s son wore a flower headband to Wal-Mart and got assaulted by some burly camo-wearing guy:

Out of nowhere a big booming voice rang out. “THAT’S a BOY?!” The man was overly large with a bushy beard and a camouflage shirt with the arms cut off. He had tattered shorts and lace up work boots with no laces. I could smell the fug of cigarette smoke surrounding him, and there was a definite pong of beer on him.

“Yes,” I said simply, still smiling.

With no notice, the man stepped forward, grabbed the headband off of Dexter’s head and threw it to the bottom of our shopping cart. He then cuffed Dexter around the side of his head (not hard, but that is not the point) and said with a big laugh, “You’ll thank me later, little man!”

At the same time as I stepped forward, Dexter grabbed his head where the man had smacked him and threw his other hand forward, stomping his foot and shouting, “NO!” I got between my son and this man and said very firmly, “If you touch my son again, I will cut your damn hands off.”

The guy snarled at me, looked at Dexter with disgust and said, “Your son is a faggot.” He then started sauntering out, but not before he threw over his shoulder, “He’ll get shot for it one day.”

You’re probably wondering how long it took her to speak to the manager and call the cops, right? Well, she didn’t do either of those things. Instead, she came home and posted about it on facebook and her blog. As readers urged her to get the security footage, report the incident to a manager or a local news station, or better yet the police, Katie continually demurred from taking any action – even writing a long explanatory post:

My two days of thinking on the whole thing has made me believe that the guy saw a woman with two little boys on her own, one of the boys wearing a girly headband, and he thought he was doing me a favor by teaching my boy to be more manly.

People have been calling bull on the entire story since she seems more excited about the huge boom in traffic caused by her story than in actually doing anything about what happened. But since the story is now getting some major media traction it’s surely only a matter of time before someone pulls the security footage at Wal-Mart and confirms or debunks this lady’s tale. Until then I hope she enjoys the pageviews she craves so much.

  1. avatar Nobody really

    Is it weird that a part of me hopes it’s fake just because I don’t want to believe jerks like that exist in real life?

    I won’t put it past a drunk moron to do something like that, though. One time my kid was spanked by a stranger. I lost it at them (because how dare you touch my special snowflake!) and reported the incident to the police (after I calmed down and realized that that was an option), but I still look back at it like this really fuzzy WTF moment. Who touches someone else’s kid, much less spanks them or – in this woman’s case – calls them a faggot?

    • avatar Ilovedavidtennantsomuch

      I’m all for calling ‘special snowflake’ on people, but you know that you’re not pretentious for being pissed of about that, right? It’s legitimately awful- both you and your child!

      • avatar Nobody really

        A few years have passed since it happened so now I think I just regard it with a little less emotion and more humor than I did at the time. It was a joke =) I mean, I can be pretentious and smug with the best of them, but I didn’t mean to demean the situation, it’s just that time has passed and it’s not as big a deal in retrospect as it seemed at the time.

        • avatar ILoveDavidTennentSoMuch

          No, I sounded weird. hamHugs!

          • avatar Nate

            I demand footage to prove said snowflake’s specialness or I’m invoking shenanigans.

            • You can’t just throw around the Shenanigans Law dude. There needs to be more flair involved.

            • avatar Nobody really

              If by “shenanigans” you mean that you are going to threaten me with pizza, NO VIDEO FOOTAGE IS AVAILABLE! =)

    • avatar THUNDERFUCKER

      Not overreacting at all, anybody who would touch somebody else’s kid is an unfocused font of rage and has absolutely no sense of social boundaries, and people like that need to be intervened as fuck on before they commit rape or roadrage into a farmer’s market in retaliation for somebody not using a turn signal. See: Gyp Rosetti from Boardwalk Empire, my Uncle Donald, etc.

    • avatar meeper

      I remember reading about some retired military guy who went to jail after footage showed im punching toddlers in the back of the head while shopping at his local Walmart. Just because he could, I guess. So, yeah, jerk adults who would pick on or harm children for the lulz do exist.

      Thanks to having read this article second, I know this story is bull, but when I read her account, I wondered if there were any other shoppers present? I don’t have children but if I saw a burly man smacking a little kid around and calling him names, I’d do something, even if it was by reporting him to security before he leaves the store.

      Using your kids to generate drama and pageviews? Get off my internets, please.

  2. Oh no. I read this on HuffPo and was mad at the guy for gender policing, but didn’t realize this was a blogger “who wears baby vomit as a fashion statement.”

    Drama queen aside, if that story is true, fuck that guy.

    • Yeah I’ve been seeing the chatter about it on GOMI for the last three days, so once “legit” media started publicizing it, I started to have some hope that maybe the whole story would come out. As it is it’s just some crazy story from some woman with a penchant for making things up/exaggerating stories about her life on the internet. Call me cynical, but when someone’s life has been one dramatic near tragedy after another I kind of question some ever-changing tale of redneck homophobic assault on a toddler at Wal-Mart. Hopefully we’ll get more verifiable facts now that the story is getting big.

      • avatar wittyname

        If that list is anything to go by, I think she has a very active fantasy life and believe very little of what she says. For instance, she was once offered the position of International Business Manager for BMW? I suspect she merely passed a BMW on her way to the store that day. She was supposed to be in NYC on 9/11 but cancelled at the last minute? I suspect she considered having a bagel for breakfast on 9/11, but changed her mind at the last minute, etc.

        • avatar StephanieSays

          Don’t forget that she worked as a flight attendant on USWest and she quit, and the very flight she worked on CRASHED AND EVERYONE DIED!

          And then it crashed again!

          And she has been the object of attempted kidnappings four times, and one was successful! But it ended well!

          • h0ED65F34

            Stop being so cynical! She doesn’t have to explain anything to you!

          • avatar Carrie Ok

            I have a harder time believing she was almost kidnapped FOUR times. Seriously? In her head does she wish she was Jon Benet or Elizabeth Smart? I mean, wtf is up with that story.

            • She also claims she lied so much in school that CPS was called on her mom…twice. And that she performed fellatio so well on an ice cream cone that a guy across the room hanging out with his wife and kid sprung a boner. And…and…and…yeah this bitch is crazy. I’m surprised she hasn’t claimed to be a Time Lord and Queen of the Marzipans yet.

              • avatar crazy addict

                I actually believe the lie story. I mean, she’s clearly a compulsive liar. Probably the only true thing she’s ever said.

        • avatar sponsoredpost

          I was actually in NYC on 9/11. Lived there, in fact. I’ma start me a BLAWG!!

          • avatar Cathair Tumbleweed

            Me too, along with millions of others. We should all start BLOGS!

          • avatar dbdel

            Remember that BLAWG stands for Bloody Lucky A——- Writing Garbage!

  3. avatar ouzter

    Every time I see this story I wonder to myself, “Why am I so offended by her description of the guy who talked to her kid?”

    It’s like she’s just missing dip in his mouth and banjo music coming from a distant aisle.

    • avatar The Reigning Lorelai

      Yep. I said earlier it is like she Googled “Homophobic stereotypes” and just c&p’d.

      • avatar ativan annie

        She wrote another online story a while back about being accosted by a redneck in a bar (because she has such ENORMOUS boobs…they have been a trial to her since she was 12, y’all). Suspiciously similar in the over-the-top details.

      • avatar lois

        I just want to interject to say “The Reigning Lorelei” is the best name I’ve ever seen.

    • avatar Buttons

      I half-expected him to be named Cletus.

    • avatar The Wombat Zone

      I’m also really offended by her verbs. Smiling, smacked, shouting stomping, snarl and saunter. Maybe it’s just me, but I actually snorted when I read this passage. Her writing is repulsive.

      • avatar Buttons

        It’s like something from middle school writing. Use action verbs! Show, don’t tell!

      • avatar LadyShae

        That’s what caught my attention. Her way of writing doesn’t strike me as that of a mother whose son was just accosted by a complete stranger. It’s too well thought out and seems methodically put together to get attention. IF her son was truly assaulted, then she shouldn’t be fighting law enforcement’s attempts to get to the bottom of it. IF he wasn’t, he has one heck of a mom that he will need to worry about trusting when he gets older.

      • avatar TK1819

        I know I’m late to the party but had to chime in with a yes yes yes.

        “The fug of cigarette smoke” bothered me. Hated her writing too.

    • avatar Carrie Ok

      I thought she must be watching Duck Dynasty while she typed that…

      • avatar The Old Bailey

        Well she needs glasses, then. Willie is so hot.

        • avatar GoddessBitchInCharge

          Mmmmmmmm Willie….
          Mmmmmmmm Jace….

  4. avatar merrytemper

    I honestly hope she’s full of it. Because not calling the authorities or contacting management helps him do this to other people.

    But I’m pretty sure she’s full of shit.

  5. avatar Ilovedavidtennantsomuch

    The. Fuck???

    She gets a total leave pass now, dammit. No matter what she does, I’ll always be on her side because of that douche.

    Dammit, I hate it when that happens.

    • avatar Ilovedavidtennantsomuch

      Also, I would have photographed the crap out of him with my phone and taken it straight to the police. ALSO screeched like a banshee. And mobilised a mob.

      • avatar suyuan

        This is what bothers me about the whole mess. You come at my kid and I might be paralyzed for about 10 seconds with shock that you had the audacity to do that but after that? I’d be so loud no one could mistake that something had happened. I will put up with a lot of BS in this world but coming after my kid isn’t on. This person’s story reeks of Didn’t Happen.

        • avatar Wait...What???

          This. I’d have screamed blue murder after the headband. Plus, I’d be sitting in jail hoping the security camera cleared me of assault charges.

          • avatar Rocknrollmomma

            YES! My daughter is 2 as well; and if someone slapped her, I’m pretty sure I’d black out with rage and come to in the back of the cop car. The whole story stinks of BS. I didn’t even read it until today, my friend actually told me about it the other day, and all I could say was “NO ONE in the store called the cops? It sounds like she’s full of s#@%.”

            • avatar Parker

              Thanks R & R momma-Your response was about what my beautiful little old mom would have done. If my mom had been in a store like Walmart the closet object would have laid him out after she cracked it over his head. Or , if he was too tall, it would have been a swift kick right between the legs.

    • avatar Tur-Briska-Fil

      Finally spelling his name right, since yesterday, wut

  6. avatar Js Everyday Freakout

    “fug of cigarette smoke surrounding him, and there was a definite pong of beer on him.”

    Fug of smoke? Pong of beer? Dafuq did this woman “learn” to “write?”

    I don’t buy this story for a minute, either. Shameless.

    • avatar Handy Printable

      I don’t buy her story either, but her use of “fug” and “pong” are perfectly correct. A “fug” is “a hot, stale, or suffocating atmosphere” and “pong” is kind of informal British way of referring to an odour or smell (my dad also uses it as a verb, as in “That person hasn’t bathed in a month and he really pongs”). Both words are pretty common in British English, and a quick scan of that “102 things about me” link shows that she did used to live there (or still does? Not sure).

      • avatar Who am I again?

        Yeah, I don’t get the hate on those words either. Unless it’s just that the rest of her story is so ridiculous it makes even her basic vocabulary ridiculous by association.

      • She’s an American woman living in central Florida. It’s not like she was raised in the UK. Being married to a Brit for 3 years doesn’t make you British and able to pull off using British slang exclusively. In addition to her obvious myriad other issues, she seems to suffer from Madonna English Morphism Syndrome.

        • avatar Handy Printable

          Ah, gotcha. I’d never heard of her before today and I only read the “102 things about me” link really fast (her actual site wouldn’t load for me). I grew up in Canada with British parents and now live in Australia, so it didn’t click that “fug” and “pong” would sound strange. The Wal-mart thing should’ve tipped me off to her current location, though!

          • “I moved to the UK to get married in 2003.
            I split with my husband in 2009.
            I met my current partner in 2010.
            We had a baby in 2011.”

            She doesn’t say what year she got married, but she moved to the UK the same year she claims she avoided dying in a plane crash, and she was over 21 years old at the time. She also doesn’t say when she left the UK, so it could be anything up to 5 years. As an adult. In light of her co-opting a hundred other things as part of who she has decided she wants to be, I’d say the continued use of UK slang 4 or 5 years after moving to Florida is a put on to give her something interesting about her personality. She probably sounds like that Amanda character from Friends.

        • avatar Foobs

          Redneck guy at a Wal-Mart in Central Florida assaults her kid and calls him gay? Probably did happen. Though, I’ve been spending too much time on Gawker lately, so my bs meter might be off a bit…


          • avatar crazy addict

            So you just decided to throw in some Florida hate without actually reading the thread, right?

            • avatar Foobs

              Like I said, tainted by Gawker. While she’s probably lying (after reading more and more of the blog quotes posted here), it’s one of those “scroll up, read Florida, wouldn’t beentirely surprised if it was true.” The .gif is more of a poke to Gawker, since it comes u pin every FL article.

            • avatar lucrezaborgia

              All the crazies migrate there, including this blogger and her pseudo-husband.

        • avatar Gizmo Jones

          Davenport isn’t technically Central Florida. It’s closer to the Tampa side, not the Orlando/Daytona side.

          Not that anyone cares, but we Central Floridians have enough going on with George Zimmerman and Casey Anthony, y’know?

          • avatar Gizmo Jones

            Can’t edit, for crying out loud. It’s considered more of the Tampa area, not Orlando. Stupid fingers.

      • avatar Wait...What???

        I think she swallowed a thesaurus.

        • avatar non-profiteer


          • avatar Cathair Tumbleweed

            Yeah, when my English mom was alive and when I was a kid I used British words and had a slight accent. But after she died and I wasn’t around it all the time the accent and Britishisms faded. Now the only thing that remains is getting stuck on the word ‘vitamin’.

  7. avatar LiarLiarCougarPantsOnFire

    Has anyone tried to pull up her blog lately? I can’t get it to load. At first I though maybe she had somehow blocked the GOMI redirects, but it won’t load even when I open a new page and type in the address. Hmmmmm….

    • It must be all that insane traffic she has mentioned every 3 minutes since she put her post on Reddit. So much traffic! I posted this on Reddit and facebook and everywhere else but I had no idea it would go viral! Another mention of how many pageviews in the last 24 hours! Etc. She won’t file a complaint against someone she claims assaulted her son, but she has all the time to sit and refresh her Google analytics page. Sure, whatever.

      • avatar ativan annie

        And my “husband” posted it too…twice! Just to clarify things!
        And then I got banned as a spammer and I had NO IDEA that was even a thing!

        • LOL! She posts all her posts to reddit! She had no idea that was frowned upon! Seriously she seems like an attention/fame whore. I can’t be the only one giving this whole thing major side eye.

          • avatar ativan annie

            What I can’t believe is how a place like Huff Po picks up the story and doesn’t do a scrap of due diligence.
            I mean, how about calling up Walmart, seeing what they have to say about it?
            Or just google this person and see how shady her online presence looks..would take about 30 seconds to realize there is something off.

            • avatar ClaudeTheCrab

              It’s the huffington post, what do you expect?

            • avatar meantwinkie

              Yeah, HuffPo is not a glowing example of journalistic values.

              • avatar ativan annie

                There’s a spot on their contact page where you can send them a blog post you want published. How much you want to bet Vyktoriah sent it in herself?

    • avatar Brenda Walsh

      I think she’s on BlueHost, who is having serious problems right now. But, yeah, reddit and HuffPo and Facebook but she’s so shocked!

    • avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

      She has Blue host for a host, they’ve been down a lot the past couple of days.

      • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

        Oh that’s what happened. SSSF, new blogger (it’s a tiny garden hobby blog, relax), couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on.

    • avatar lucrezaborgia

      Google cache has everything still.

  8. avatar Respect privacy and lies OH MY

    I”m offended by her using “two old birds” to describe two ladies who thought her kid was cute. They interviewed her on HuffenPuffin Live this afternoon (she posted the link on her facebook of course) and her story even got MORE DRAMATIC!!!!!

    She was worried her unborn son would have feminine features, so I’m thinking she’s been planning this a while. At least the Bushy Haired REDNECK didn’t add to her kidnapping tally’s.


    • Yeah somehow her story went from her kid being “smacked”, to her claiming the man barely touched him and it’s not really that a big a deal in her explanation of why she’s not pursuing it legally, to now it was some insanely terrifying nerve destroying moment that left her fleeing home to cry for hours. She needs to pick a story version and stick with it.

    • avatar Nobody really

      I just read the entire forum thread so that I would understand “kidnapping tally’s” and now I don’t know what to think. I was all sorts of on her side and skeptical when I first read this, but that list is crazytown!

  9. avatar RollsRoyceRevenge

    I’d post a response but a homeless man just punched me in the face.

    • avatar suyuan

      It’s your headband.

    • avatar Beezus Christ

      I’d post something about how this made me LMAO, but two black guys just stole my car with my young sons inside and drove it into a lake.

    • avatar Unadjusted Monitor

      Were you wearing a flower headband?

    • avatar Greg'sWife (literally) aka DirtyLakeMichigan

      @ RRR – I see what you did there.

    • avatar MSM

      I just burst out laughing so hard. Thank you.

    • avatar failwhale

      slow clap. mind blown!

  10. avatar sarawr

    I just like that she said “pong of beer,” as I will now use this as the collective noun for beer (cf. “murder of crows,” “sleuth of bears,” etc.).

    • avatar scarletbegonia

      I know; I love this. I will now consume pongs of beer and pings of weed.

      • I will now be off for a musket of wine and a fug of cigs. Perhaps later I’ll enjoy a taboo of brie. Yay Friday night!

        • avatar scarletbegonia

          It’s Friday, Friday
          Gotta get down on Friday

        • avatar sarawr

          A musket of wine sounds like the best time this old bird will ever have.

        • avatar pineapple salsa

          This just made my life. Changing my username immediately.

          • avatar musket of wine

            Done. Commenting just because I want to see it in all its gloriousness.

    • avatar Babby Forming Despite Life-Threatening Heels

      a “hollister of bros”

    • avatar boxovinopcoltrane

      I was reading the forum thread about her last night and apparently she lived in the UK for a while so like Madonna 10 years ago (or Britney during her 5150 stage) she’s adopted the slang.

    • avatar Whatevaaa

      Parliament of owls is a good one :)

      And, as I learnt in the pub quiz last night, a paddling of ducks, which is cute :)

    • avatar Affiliate Lynx

      See, I thought she was talking about beer pong.

      A pong of beer.
      A hole of corns.

    • avatar Helena (Undeactivated)

      A confederacy of dunces!

  11. Honestly, if this is fabricated, she is going to do EXACTLY what she hoped her ” villain” would do… enrage the shit out of the LGBT community for using the derogatory term she did. Only the target of the anger will be HER, not a mythical redneck fantom.

    • avatar Profanity Jane

      Mythical redneck phantom! It’s like the new version of the bushy-haired stranger.

  12. avatar moldypenicillin

    This story has GOT to be fake.. because if anyone EVER puts their goddamn hands on my children, all bets are all and you’ll be pulling back a fucking nub….

    There’s NO way this chick let this man get away with this. No. Can’t believe it.

    • avatar moldypenicillin

      off* all bets are OFF***

      damn my fat fingers! But this made me so ragey!

  13. avatar TurkeyVulture

    a) Her writing is terrible.

    b) As PP mentioned, now that this has hit HuffPo somebody at Wal-Mart’s corporate offices is going to figure out which Wal-Mart she would be likely to shop at, pull the footage, and prove that this never happened in their store. It has the reek of fabrication all over it, from the super-stereotype of the man who allegedly did it to her failure to report it *at least* to the manager. Bitch, please.

    I can’t wait to see this blow up in her face. Of course, the backpedaling post she makes to justify her fiction FOR THE GREATER GOOD!!! GENDER ISSUES AND GAY-HATERS, YOU GUISE! is going to be awesome.

    • avatar It Ended Well

      I was able to figure out what area of her city she lives in from looking over her G+ posts rather easily, if she went to the Wal-mart closest to her home, I’m sure the corporate office will have the footage ASAP. It was very easy to determine her general location if you’re familiar with the area. Which is pretty scary, honestly.

      • avatar Jiggly Stomach Fat

        What I hear you saying is that Wal-Mart pulls video proof that no one hit a child on their premises but is known to not use video proof of assaults and kidnapping in their parking lots to help…

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